Gay asexuals. A life of sin?

I myself am a gay catholic and choosing a life of celibacy. But there is a growing trend in the number of asexuals out there who identify as gay. Is it a sin to be in a purely romantic gay relationship? If so please back up your beliefs with facts. I personally think these people are blessed with a calling for the monastic life and they are sadly getting lost in the cracks.

In this situation I’m talking about sex repulsed asexuals. —edit

May God grant you the grace to remain so.


I as well have same sex attraction and have chosen a life of celibacy. God bless you on your journey.


Thank you to tell you the truth it’s easy with Gods love.


Yes with His love and Grace we can do anything—without it nothing

Like Fr. Mike Schmitz has said we will have Saints that have lived lives for God who have struggled with SSA. We must all strive to be Saints.


Can you define what you mean by a ‘purely romantic gay relationship?’ What does this look like, practically speaking? Do you mean a relationship with someone of the same sex with whom you have candlelight dinners and moonlit walks on the beach and exchange sugary ‘love you’ cards but never hold hands? DO all of the above and hold hands on that walk but never kiss? Do all of the above and kiss but never touch breasts or genitals?

I genuinely have no clue what you mean by a ‘romantic gay relationship’ and I suspect the details might vary from person to person anyway, but what do YOU mean by that?

1 Like

I’'m confused. I thought asexuals had no sexual desire or orientation whatsoever. Given that, how could they be “gay” or “straight” in the first place?

Do you mean two gay people who live celibately? I don’t know where I would draw that line. I certainly hate to think of all gay people, who desire to live chastely, isolating themselves, alone in their homes or apartments, with no interpersonal relationships with members of their own sex, the sex to which they are attracted. I can’t imagine why they couldn’t enjoy one another’s company, as friends, yet acknowledging the attraction about which they can’t do anything physically or intimately. I have to think this would be a terrible cross to bear.


Kissing yes. All the romance that would be in a relationship but nothing erotic involving genitalia. Mainly a relationship with a lot of hand holding and hugging. I know of a couple who live this way and am curious where this lands.

I think the term for those who want romance as a-romantic asexual. They want neither.

No, not a sin but possibly a near occasion of sin. You would be willingly exposing yourself to temptation. And human nature being what it is, failure is not a remote possibility in such circumstances.

As for the monastic calling, no, no, a million times no.

A monastic calling should be a deep attraction to the charism of the order in a genuine search for communion with God. I know of a couple of cases of men and women with personal issues, including homosexuality, who entered monastic life to try to flee their issues. It usually doesn’t turn out so well. I can’t reveal details but think of this: does it make any sense for someone with homosexual tendencies to cloister himself in a community of only men?

Trust me, it only causes havoc and division.


people who witness this are going to assume you are openly and actively gay. you’ve got to ask yourself is this how God wants me to present myself? if i wear a shirt with a pot leaf on it a lot of the time, what will people think?

1 Like

As a sex repulsed asexual there’s no temptation at all for sex because both parties are repulsed. As for being called to the monastic life giving up romance is difficult but the sexual urge is not there at all for them bringing them closer to celibacy. These are the types of people who are drawn to the monastic life if raised in a Christian household. They often think something’s wrong with them because they lack a sex drive. So they turn to the church

I openly state I’m gay because I am and am living happily with Christ in my life. Becoming Christian did not turn me straight sadly and it is a cross I carry with honor. I do so publicly hoping others who are gay might be inspired to look to the church. This post is about a couple I know and am curious how others approach it from a catholic perspective.


It’s nice to know there are others here on the forum. My God Bless you on yours as well.

Monastic life should not be a haven to flee sexual issues, period.

It is for those deeply attracted to the charism of the order, who are seeking God, not fleeing something or seeking a lifestyle.

Anything else invariably ends badly. Trust me on this, I’m a Benedictine oblate and am very close to a monastic community, and I also work part time there on a volunteer basis and just finished a moth long working retreat where I followed the daily routine of the monks. I’m also familiar with a couple of communities in Europe. Trust me, it will end badly. I can’t say more than that to protect the communities involved.


I understand where your coming from. God Bless

Yes, I do think romantic activity with someone of the same sex would still fall under sin, in part because it leads to temptation (yes, I know you said both parties are repulsed but as a general answer), in part because it’s telling others who will be tempted to go further that this is acceptable, and as someone else said, because it’s causing scandal–leading others to believe that you are engaging in homosexual sex and therefore furthering the notion that it’s acceptable.

You ask for people to back up their answers with facts. I think backing it up with anything the church says will be dismissed as the church’s ‘opinion’ and not ‘fact.’ In the end, we all must look to our own behavior and remember we’ll answer to God for our choices.

I suggest you talk to a priest and/or theologian and give it a lot of prayer.


Thank you for your response. I was looking for answers from all angles. I was just wondering how I could approach the couple with Christ and invite them to church. They are great people and would like to see them saved.

I’m sorry that that cannot be true.

You can desire romance and companionship without any sex.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit