Gay friends


Is it wrong to be friendly with gay people. I work with a with a gay woman who I happen to get along extremely well with. She has said on numerous occasions that I should come over and BBQ at her house and things of that nature. My natural inclination is to say “SURE!”. But I don’t want to come off as supporting her lifestyle. What to do, what to do :hmmm: I could definetely use all your advice!



There is a difference between being friends with someone and supporting their lifestyle.

If a friend of yours happens to be addicted to hard core drugs you still hang out with him. If he starts snorting while you’re there you leave. You don’t invite him over with his drugs.

Likewise if something goes on that makes you uncomfortable its not impolite to leave. And you don’t invite them over to your house as a couple.


What could be wrong with being with god’s children whether they be lost or found. Jesus said judge not least yo be judged the same. He also said to be with the people but do not act like them. Also where did Jesus spend most of His time?
We are called to be with the people but to …not act like them.

God bless


We worship the God who leaves the ninety-nine safe in the fold while He goes in search of the one who is lost. It may be that your friendship, over time, will be the means by which He brings this one home.


I personally would not go the house of a cohabitating couple living in grave sin (heterosexual or homosexual), unless I made it perfectly clear that I find such a living arrangement morally abhorrent (communicated in a respectful and tactful manner). Otherwise, IMO, you run the risk of sending a mixed message and cause for scandal. I would not for that matter invite such a couple over to my home for a barbeque unless the same qualifier was applied (for any cohabitating couple who has made public their shameful living arrangement).

Jesus made it public and fully known to all parties where he was coming from when dining with sinners. I follow the example of Jesus in giving credible witness to the gospel. It takes courage in this politically correct, distorted sense of tolerance, culture that we as Christians find ourselves in. One must honestly check within themselves why they would not make known their beliefs before enjoining an activity that runs the risk of being perceived as condoning the gravely sinful behavior of others.


Frequently people make such “we should get together” comments and don’t mean them. It sounds like she hasn’t said, why don’t you come on this day at this time, so this invite is along those lines. Your lack of a definite SURE, When? is probably not a bad thing.

I got in a dicussion once with one of my fundamental Christian friends about this. There was a lesbian couple whom our children were on the same baseball team. I would call them “casual” friends.

In our discussion, we talked about how their greatest sin is not their lesbian relationship, but their separation from God. Until they can “SEE” this, they will never be able to “SEE” anything wrong in their lifestyle choice and any words you have on their relationship will have little impact.

I personally would pray alot about this couple and what your response should be if they ever ask and give a specific day and time. It may be your job to witness Christ to them at the BBque or at the office, but you need to be prepared to accept the leading of the Holy Spirit on this. Pray!


My best friend is Gay.

I do not agree with the lifestyle but I am not friends with him because of his lifestyle but because he has a good heart and is a good person.

Just like you are not friends with straight people just because they are straight.


One of my good friends is openly gay as well. In my case in comparison to the OP’s I think it would be sinful for me to attend the wedding he is planning to a forty something year old man while he is 21. It is very disturbing. He is my friend but there is a line I will not cross. I know that i will turn down his invitation.

Peace be with you all,



No more so than with someone who is not always honest, or who does not always keep his temper :slight_smile:

If you were a lesbian, it might be inadvisable. As you aren’t, it’s not clear that there is any kind of problem.


Good point. Glad you thought to bring that up:)


Does she know how you feel about her lifestyle?


I don’t think I’d go if I were you. As said above it could cause a scandal, and, I believe, would only lead to accepting cohabitation, and homosexuality as “natural” and “sin free”. It would only serve to desensitize (?) you to the grave nature of such a relationship.



Many gays people cannot tell the difference between hate the sin and hate the sinner. I think ostracizing this person might make her feel like you hate her. This will make it less likely that she will convert.



And what chance is there that she’ll convert if she feels that there is nothing wrong with her life style? If she thinks that the OPer has no problems with it? Or if she hears the OPer say one thing (you’re sinning), and yet be so lukewarm as to accept her lifestyle and come over to hang out? If the OPer says “You’re living in sin, etc…” but has no problem spending time with her? Or she preceives that he has no problem spending time with her that won’t convince the lesbian to change her ways.



Friendship is a difficult sibject. St. Francis de Sales in Introduction to the Devout Life discourages freindship with those of low moral character. That certainly includes those living of lifestyle which based and defined by their unrepentant abberant sexual activity.

His reasoning is that people like this tend to drag us down more than we can lift them up.

On the other hand, Ezekiel 3:17-21 admonishes all of us to correct the errors of others. Of course we must do this gently.

So if we avoid these people, how can they learn?

I think there is a great difference between being friendly and friendship. Working together being kind, polite and friendly at work is fine; important even. But look for opportunities to explain “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” Because once a person understands that that is what the Church desires us all to do, it makes talking about other things easier.


Modern secular culture places a higher value on homosexual relationships than it does on normal ones. Thus only a vanishiingly small number people in that lifestyle would ever listen. People like their sin. No one likes to be told their way if life is inherently evil. This is never more true than with gay sex and gay couples.

To me it seems beyond unlikely that any good could come from developing a friendship with her. It is more likely to harm you by poisoning your moral sense and polluting your conscience.


Excellent point!!! I think many are so accepting of their gay friends and their lifestyle that its only adding more confusion and amounting to a growing problem w/ who will and who wont stand against the unnatural lifestyle.

Peace be with you all,



WOW, thank you guys for all your very much informative responses. Each and everyone makes a whole lot of sense, and they are all along the lines of what my “gut” was telling me to feel and do. I guess I just needed some like minded folks to validate my feelings. Again I thank you all so very much.


Louis :slight_smile:


I have several gay and lesbian friends. They are loving and compassionate people, in long-term (18 years plus) relationships. When I returned to the Church last summer, I told my lesbian friends. When I filed for an annulment, I told them, and I told them I wouldn’t date until I had one, and that I was concerned about finding a man who would be willing to wait until marriage for us to have sex.

Instead of telling them about their life, I tell them about mine. These women know and love me, and they have always valued my point of view. If I had cut them out of my life, they would not have the witness of a woman living her faith in Christ.

Just one more thing to think about.

Gertie (not my real name, but I like it)


It’s more important to be a loving person.


I want to share this story in the National Catholic Register about how a friendship with catholic helped this person turn away from the lesbian life style.

*One of the people who was most instrumental in my conversion to Catholicism took precisely this approach. I always knew that he didn’t approve of my sexual choices, but it was never one of the central concerns of our relationship. For the most part, it was something that didn’t even come up.

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