Gay Friends


#1

Hello,

I have two friends who are in college, who live in the same dorm room. One is a Catholic, and one is an athiest.

Recently I found out that they are homosexuals, and that they are dating. Not only that, but since they live in the same room, in essence they are “shacking up” too.

I want to be there for my friends, but I can’t support what they are doing. Do you guys have any suggestions about how to handle this situation?

Thank you for any help,

PioMagnus


#2

I am not sure there is anything you can “do”. But certainly, you should start putting some emotional distance between you and them and actively develop other friendships. If you do not approve of their behavior, then being around them will make you feel uncomfortable. Just because you have been friends, doesn’t mean you must continue to have the same friendship with them. When I find out that friends are not what I had thought they were, it changes my perception of them and then I must decide what I am going to do with the new info.


#3

Poor you. It might be best to tell your friends about your difficulties (this depends on how deep your friendship goes) and in charity urge them to reject such a destructive lifestyle. But long-term exposure to that atmosphere must be avoided.


#4

[quote=PioMagnus]Hello,

I have two friends who are in college, who live in the same dorm room. One is a Catholic, and one is an athiest.

Recently I found out that they are homosexuals, and that they are dating. Not only that, but since they live in the same room, in essence they are “shacking up” too.

I want to be there for my friends, but I can’t support what they are doing. Do you guys have any suggestions about how to handle this situation?

Thank you for any help,

PioMagnus
[/quote]

Heard a former gay guy who’s a fabulous musician and who Christ healed from his many years in homosexuality just recently on Family Life Radio. He has a website which might have much help to offer.

www.thetruthabouthomosexuality.com

I’d give this website and/or materials they have to your friends–telling them you love and care about them, but that God loves them more and has a wonderful plan for their lives. Also let them know of the free internet site to help with this problem. www.settingcaptivesfree.com

Good Luck~~


#5

[quote=But long-term exposure to that atmosphere must be avoided.
[/QUOTE]
Hey Piomagnus,
I have to concur with the other 2 posts. i’m not sure what year of college you’re in, but i know that it wasn’t until i went on a retreat halfway through my first yr of university that i realized how much the casual sex, partying, and acceptance of gay ‘lifestyles’ around me had started to eat at my own morals. Try to surround yourself with others who are trying to live good Catholic lives. of course, it’s not always easy to find Catholics at college/university. if you’re not at a Catholic uni/college, they can be few and far btwn. i have all kinds of friends, but it’s always good to know that i have a central group who can support me and kick me in the butt when i’m being lazy with prayers, etc.
[/quote]


#6

[quote=PioMagnus]Recently I found out that they are homosexuals, and that they are dating. Not only that, but since they live in the same room, in essence they are “shacking up” too.

I want to be there for my friends, but I can’t support what they are doing. Do you guys have any suggestions about how to handle this situation?
[/quote]

I am never sure what “dating” means. If they are not having sex, are they doing anything wrong?


#7

[quote=Penny Plain]I am never sure what “dating” means. If they are not having sex, are they doing anything wrong?
[/quote]

I am pretty sure they would be putting themselves in a situation that could lead to sex…raging hormones and all that… plus, if they are “dating” they are probably at least kissing etc…I would assume that they would not be living a chaste lifestyle.

Whenever I have trouble applying the concept of chastity, I think of what would be appropriate for a priest/nun. Would it be ok to see a priest/nun kissing another man/woman? Would it be ok for them to grope eachother or other inappropriate touching? What about phone sex? You get the picture.

And dating to me means one of two things:

  1. finding out if the person would make a suitable spouse

or

  1. doing things together that would classify you as “more than friends”.

Either one is unacceptable because of the homosexual aspect of the relationship.

Just my two cents,

Finella


#8

I don’t think it’s any of your business what they are getting up to in the privacy of their own room.
If you are concerned for their souls, pray for them and support them as much as you can.
Their life, their decision.


#9

[quote=Finella]I am pretty sure they would be putting themselves in a situation that could lead to sex…raging hormones and all that… plus, if they are “dating” they are probably at least kissing etc…I would assume that they would not be living a chaste lifestyle.

Whenever I have trouble applying the concept of chastity, I think of what would be appropriate for a priest/nun. Would it be ok to see a priest/nun kissing another man/woman? Would it be ok for them to grope eachother or other inappropriate touching? What about phone sex? You get the picture.

And dating to me means one of two things:

  1. finding out if the person would make a suitable spouse

or

  1. doing things together that would classify you as “more than friends”.

Either one is unacceptable because of the homosexual aspect of the relationship.

Just my two cents,

Finella
[/quote]

For someone who knows nothing about the situation, you seem to know a lot about the situation. Leaping to bad conclusions is uncharitable, to say the least.

The only person who does know says they are living in the same dorm room and “dating.” It is a safe bet that he (she?) doesn’t know what they’re doing either.

It’s none of his/her business.

Pio, this is the advice somebody wiser than me (not a small category) gave me about friends: A good friend is somebody who you like yourself when your around. Do you like yourself when you’re around these guys?


#10

Fraternal correction requires that you compassionately and with love speak with him about this.


#11

[quote=buffalo]Fraternal correction requires that you compassionately and with love speak with him about this.
[/quote]

The Baltimore Catechism says this:

  1. Q. When are we bound to admonish the sinner?

A. We are bound to admonish the sinner when the following conditions are fulfilled.

[list=1]
*] When his fault is a mortal sin

*] When we have authority or influence over him, and

*] When there is reason to believe that our warning will not make him worse instead of better

[/list]

Points (2) and perhaps (3) are the ones in question here, and probably only the OP can know if they fit.


#12

[quote=buffalo]Fraternal correction requires that you compassionately and with love speak with him about this.
[/quote]

I agree, and also think that you can be a shining example of Christ’s love and compassion. Remember, Jesus hung out with sinners. As long as you have a good spiritual foundation, good Catholic friends and are regularly going to Mass, Confession, etc. and are staying strong, you should be the best example to your friend.

Pray, love the sinner - hate the sin.


#13

[quote=Benedictus]Points (2) and perhaps (3) are the ones in question here, and probably only the OP can know if they fit.
[/quote]

What mortal sin are they committing?


#14

[quote=Penny Plain]What mortal sin are they committing?
[/quote]

They may be committing none. However scandal can play a part here.

Piomagnus says they are “shacking” up.


#15

[quote=PioMagnus] I have two friends who are in college, who live in the same dorm room. One is a Catholic, and one is an athiest. Recently I found out that they are homosexuals, and that they are dating. Not only that, but since they live in the same room, in essence they are “shacking up” too.
[/quote]

Please define “in essence they are shacking up”. You mean having sexual relations? Is this a known fact or just your assumption since they are “dating”? Are they are sharing the knowledge of their sexual activity with you?
There’s really not enough info here. Is all of this true? Was it from them, or did you hear it from someone else?

[quote=PioMagnus] I want to be there for my friends, but I can’t support what they are doing.
[/quote]

What exactly are they doing? Please don’t “assume” you know what they are doing.

[quote=Finella] I am pretty sure they would be putting themselves in a situation that could lead to sex…raging hormones and all that… plus, if they are “dating” they are probably at least kissing etc…I would assume that they would not be living a chaste lifestyle.
[/quote]

There are an awful lot of assumptions there.

[quote=Finella] Whenever I have trouble applying the concept of chastity, I think of what would be appropriate for a priest/nun. Would it be ok to see a priest/nun kissing another man/woman?
[/quote]

A priest or a nun would not be “dating” (hopefully) to begin with. Are you saying to be chaste no individual may kiss or embrace any other person? I know I’m old, but I certainly remember kissing a lot of “dates” and not jeopardizing my chastity.


#16

[quote=buffalo]They may be committing none. However scandal can play a part here.

Piomagnus says they are “shacking” up.
[/quote]

If you read the post, it says they are shacking up because they are college roommates.

I struggle with the concept of scandal as a sin. Many people are too easily scandalized. At the very least, don’t they have to be committing some sort of sin first?


#17

The poster writes they are living together, then later he writes they are “shacking” up.

From this one can conclude that they are having relations. He should be more specific.

However, his fraternal correction could serve to have his friend reconsider and avoid sin completely. This would be a good thing.

In any case scandal can be caused by the appearance of sin.


#18

[quote=Tom]I know I’m old, but I certainly remember kissing a lot of “dates” and not jeopardizing my chastity.
[/quote]

I’m glad you’re here Tom! I thought it was just me mate!
:slight_smile:


#19

I’m going to disagree with the majority here, who seem to be saying “flee from them!” And here’s why:

I was raised marginally Catholic. At some point in my early adult life I decided that I was an atheist, and I lived my life accordingly. While I felt that anyone had the right to believe what they wanted, I had a dislike for those in-your-face Bible-thumpers. it worked out okay, though, because they didn’t really want anything to do with me.

Eventually I had a close friend who was a deeply convicted Christian. His mere presence was a silent evangelization. They way he lived his life. The way that he would share his struggles with temptation. He never preached to me, but he never gave in on his morals, either. Eventually, when I had questions about the faith, I knew that I could ask him.

That friend, just by being my friend, had a lot to do with my return to Christ.

So I say, stay in your friend’s life. Lay the foundation for his repentence.

But… never give in on your principles! If he brings up his lifestyle, you have to say that it’s wrong! If he asks you to support it with some word or action, you can not.

Also, you do need to watch out for yourself. If he becomes a corrupting influence on your life, then, yes, you should end it. But if your faith is strong enough, be an example. Someday maybe he’ll be posting about how your example saved him!


#20

All this attention to exactly what the gay guys are doing and your demands for proof are pretty bizarre. So Pio needs to see them engaged in a blatant act of homosexual activity in order to be completely assured that they are in fact active homosexuals??? Ummm, I don’t think so. It sounds like he knows enough now to know that he is not comfortable with maintaining the same level of friendship Pio previously had with these two men.

Furthermore, timidity, no one suggested that Pio should denounce the gay guys and cut off all ties. But to maintain a friendship as before is too easily seen as condoning their lifestyle which clearly Pio doesn’t. Are we going to criticize Pio if he chooses to find friendship elsewhere? Is he somehow less of a Christian if he chooses that course of action? I for one would not criticize him. To avoid sin and to avoid any appearance of condoning sinful behavior should not be condemned. Perhaps a saint might be able to stay involved as a friend. But not all of us have reached that level of maturity while still young adults.


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