So as a man I have to stop myself from masturbating when the natural urge for sex is there. I have a wife and every now and then she says yes to sex but on some occasions like tonight we were in bed and when I was ready I lost it and was unable to but was very much switched on my wife said I lost my chance and left. I was left very much switched on but unable to switch off and she had gone so as much as I didn’t want to I ended up sinning alone. o round and round I go like this a sin I don’t want to commit but constantly going round and round an yet my wife remains in a sate of grace forever never worrying about the loss of heaven as her body doesn’t cry out in the same way nor is left on the precipice like she sometimes leaves me.
I feel like I spend 50% of my lie in mortal sin waiting for confession and yet it seems that the hardest thing for me is the easies thing for her, staying in a state of grace. I obviously don’t wish mortal sin on her but I don’t think I will ever get passed this and feel it will be luck whether I get to heaven depending on whether I die on a weekend after confession or the end of the week when I am in mortal sin.
If t weren’t for this one sin I wouldn’t have committed a single mortal sin in roughly 5 or 6 years and yet I commit scores of them per year.
I know there is no answer but how can it be so unfair so one sided how on earth does a man get to heaven with testicles.