Getting Married Church vs 'the civil thingy'


#1

I’m getting married in early July 2011 and would really like to get married at church with my immediate family max 6-8 people for a very quite private ceremony. But my church requires six months notice. We have two children and have lived ‘in sin’ for over five years, surely the rules could be bent a little. Am i being ridiculous or should I just go and do ‘the civil thingy’ But I really don’t want to, I need God’s blessing. Would Jesus turn me away if I didn’t give him 6 months notice? I hope I made sense!!!


#2

You have forgotten the 3rd option. cancel the July “wedding” (in quotes because it wouldn’t really be a wedding, you would not really be married), and wait to do things in the proper order.

if you did the “civil thingy” you would be making a public statement of fornication, and would no longer be able to receive the sacraments in the church.


#3

If you really want to do the right thing, do the right thing. Have you ask the Church if they can accommodate your request to shorten the waiting time? If they can't then they must have a reason and you will just have to wait...


#4

All I can say is I sympathize with you. My church requires a years notice. (Not that I plan on getting married anytime soon. I can understand if the couple is in their early 20's. However, I do find it odd that there is never an exception to a rule.


#5

Talk to the priest. Jesus does want obedience to the directives of His Church.

Whether the time is shortened or not, are you willing to abide by the commandments of the Lord and you are your boyfriend be celibate until you are married in the Church with the Lord’s blessing? Your obedience would prove that you want to do the right thing and put the Lord first. It doesn’t have to be a big wedding, just what you mentioned above 6-8 people and the priest as a witness as you marry each other in the Lord. The Sacraments, for the rest of your life, and for your children are of the utmost importance.


#6

I suspect that the waiting period exists to ensure that couples attend pre-Cana and to make sure no one's rushing in, unprepared.If you explain the situation to your priest, he may make an exception for you.

How elaborate are you planning this to be? How dressed up, etc? Especially since you are having only a few people, I wonder if it can be done during a Sunday Mass? Anyone know if this can be done? At any rate, if you are willing to take a less "desirable time" they might have availability for you, but I'm sure that every Saturday between May and October is taken, depending on how large the congregation is.

Do you have a hall or restaurant booked for a party or anything? What is the July date all about? Just to go to city hall, or for a more elaborate ceremony? I would cancel the July ceremony, get married in the Church and then have the party or dinner whenever you want.

Oh, and congrats!!:)


#7

[quote="Marcielle, post:1, topic:240821"]
We have two children and have lived 'in sin' for over five years, surely the rules could be bent a little. Am i being ridiculous

[/quote]

Yes.

The Church's preparation process for the sacrament of marriage applies to everyone.

You want to get right with God, so start by submitting to the lawful authority over you. The process is there for a reason, from the premarital investigation required to ensure no impediments exist to the very important counseling on the sacrament itself.

[quote="Marcielle, post:1, topic:240821"]
or should I just go and do 'the civil thingy'

[/quote]

No.

[quote="Marcielle, post:1, topic:240821"]
But I really don't want to, I need God's blessing. Would Jesus turn me away if I didn't give him 6 months notice? I hope I made sense!!!

[/quote]

Then do it right and start by calling your priest to make an appointment for confession and then to discuss marriage.


#8

[quote="Marcielle, post:1, topic:240821"]
I'm getting married in early July 2011 and would really like to get married at church with my immediate family max 6-8 people for a very quite private ceremony. But my church requires six months notice. We have two children and have lived 'in sin' for over five years, surely the rules could be bent a little. Am i being ridiculous or should I just go and do 'the civil thingy' But I really don't want to, I need God's blessing. Would Jesus turn me away if I didn't give him 6 months notice? I hope I made sense!!!

[/quote]

you need to speak to the pastor. tell the secretary you need to speak to him about an urgent pastoral matter. it is urgent, you need to get right with each other and with the Church and pastors should facilitate this. He will still require you to prepare to the extent he does his best to assure you are entering into a valid union, that is his duty, but the rules are not the same as for an engaged couple.


#9

[quote="Marcielle, post:1, topic:240821"]
I'm getting married in early July 2011 and would really like to get married at church with my immediate family max 6-8 people for a very quite private ceremony. But my church requires six months notice. We have two children and have lived 'in sin' for over five years, surely the rules could be bent a little. Am i being ridiculous or should I just go and do 'the civil thingy' But I really don't want to, I need God's blessing. Would Jesus turn me away if I didn't give him 6 months notice? I hope I made sense!!!

[/quote]

If you get married by doing "the civil thing" in the eyes of God you still will not be married and therefore will still be living in sin. You should speak to your pastor. Marriage is a Sacrament and a vocation. The six month prep time is in order to do the preparation together to make sure that you have a proper understanding of this - which cohabitation and premarital sex make this preparation extremely necessary as later on these things could be used as evidence in a decree of nullity hearing as one not understanding the permanence of the bond;.


#10

Hi Marcielle! I'm new around here too, and not Catholic, so take my opinions with a grain of salt. :)

I'm getting married in early July 2011 and would really like to get married at church with my immediate family max 6-8 people for a very quite private ceremony. But my church requires six months notice.

Is it possible to have a civil ceremony if it's best for your family and then ask for your marraige to be blessed after the waiting period? I understand there are benefits to being married 'by law' (benefits, health insurance, etc).

We have two children and have lived 'in sin' for over five years, surely the rules could be bent a little. Am i being ridiculous or should I just go and do 'the civil thingy' But I really don't want to, I need God's blessing.

If you don't want to do the civil thing, then DON'T. Don't let the opinions of others force you to rush into something you're not comfortable with. If you want a marraige blessed by the church, stand firm. Though, I do recommend if you want to relieve yourself of mortal sin immediately (Catholics correct me if I err here), I'd suggest separating yourselves right away, or vowing to live as brother and sister until the wedding, and marching straight to confession.

Would Jesus turn me away if I didn't give him 6 months notice? I hope I made sense!!!


This makes me sad. Jesus would never turn you away. NEVER.


#11

Namaste wrote: If you don’t want to do the civil thing, then DON’T. Don’t let the opinions of others force you to rush into something you’re not comfortable with. If you want a marraige blessed by the church, stand firm. Though, I do recommend if you want to relieve yourself of mortal sin immediately (Catholics correct me if I err here), I’d suggest separating yourselves right away, or vowing to live as brother and sister until the wedding, and marching straight to confession.

Dorothy writes: You are correct in that this couple needs to live as brother and sister until the Sacrament of Matrimony has taken place.

Namaste wrote: This makes me sad. Jesus would never turn you away. NEVER.

Dorothy writes: No, Jesus never turns us away. As Catholics we obey the legitimate authority of the Church, which is for our salvation. When we disobey it is us turning away from Him.


#12

Is it possible to have a civil ceremony if it's best for your family and then ask for your marraige to be blessed after the waiting period? I understand there are benefits to being married 'by law' (benefits, health insurance, etc)

Through baptismal promises we have made this promise to submit to this authority and continue with the vocational sacraments in the Church - this falls under obedience. This has nothing to do with oopinion. By not marrying in the Church the couple is cutting themselves off from the Sacrament of the Eucharist which makes them unable to live out the precepts of the Faith - this should far outweigh any financial concerns,


#13

As several other people have mentioned, please talk to a priest about this. “Six months notice” for weddings may be that parish’s administrative policy, but it’s not a church law.


#14

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