Getting Married Church vs 'the civil thingy'


#1

I’m getting married in early July 2011 and would really like to get married at church with my immediate family max 6-8 people for a very quite private ceremony. But my church requires six months notice. We have two children and have lived ‘in sin’ for over five years, surely the rules could be bent a little. Am i being ridiculous or should I just go and do ‘the civil thingy’ But I really don’t want to, I need God’s blessing. Would Jesus turn me away if I didn’t give him 6 months notice? I hope I made sense!!!


#2

[quote="Marcielle, post:1, topic:240823"]
I'm getting married in early July 2011 and would really like to get married at church with my immediate family max 6-8 people for a very quite private ceremony. But my church requires six months notice. We have two children and have lived 'in sin' for over five years, surely the rules could be bent a little. Am i being ridiculous or should I just go and do 'the civil thingy' But I really don't want to, I need God's blessing. Would Jesus turn me away if I didn't give him 6 months notice? I hope I made sense!!!

[/quote]

The reason for 6 months notice is to give the couple time to make sure that you really want to be married (since according to Catholic theology, once married, you are always married, even if you are divorced in the eyes of the state), and also in the old days to make sure that anyone who had an argument to make that the couple should not be married had time to object.

For a serious reason, you could ask the bishop to dispense you from the requirement of having a Catholic wedding for the purposes of validity of the marriage. But I am not going to encourage it.


#3

have you actually spoken to your priest about this? Or is this rule just for engaged couples? You are not engaged, you are already common-law married, most likely. Ask your priest if there is any way you can have the small ceremony sooner than 6 mos. And don’t get married civilly, since you will then have to go through the process to be married in the church anyway!


#4

Having my marriage blessed made a huge difference in the quality of my marriage. I lived with a civil marriage for 10 years, 10 long hard years. No good reason for it except that I didn't want to wait to go through marriage preparation. What a mistake!
Get the Blessing! Even if you have to wait a little, believe me, it's worth it. And I think you already know this so go with your good instincts.

God bless you and your marriage.


#5

[quote="Marcielle, post:1, topic:240823"]
I'm getting married in early July 2011 and would really like to get married at church with my immediate family max 6-8 people for a very quite private ceremony. But my church requires six months notice. We have two children and have lived 'in sin' for over five years, surely the rules could be bent a little. Am i being ridiculous or should I just go and do 'the civil thingy' But I really don't want to, I need God's blessing. Would Jesus turn me away if I didn't give him 6 months notice? I hope I made sense!!!

[/quote]

I posted this answer on the other thread you started as well. If you do not do it this way you still will be living in sin as your marriage will not be recognized and you will still be in a position of being guilty of the sin of fornication. The reason that time period is there is for the premarital counseling in order to make sure that both spouses understand the vocation of marriage and that there are not impediments to that marriage. Things like cohabitation, short preparation time, and children prior to marriage can be used as arguments against validity of the marriage in a decree of nullity case should the marriage end in divorce. During these times it is best that we find obedience. The word obedience comes from words meaning to seek an understanding. In this case one is trying to seek an understanding for God's will as it applies to the Sacrament and vocation of marriage.


#6

Did you sit down with your priest to discuss this? Very often things are done differently with couples in your situation. Especially if they are showing signs of living a better life by going to mass, confession becoming part of parish life etc.

Even if you had to wait 6 months and live like brother and sister what is that in comparison to the 5+ years you have been turning Jesus away?


#7

When my daughter got married all the Catholic party had to do is be a registered member of the parish for 6 months. The marriage prep was a one day (all day) class on a Saturday and a meeting with the priest. It was that simple. Talk to the priest who may be able to “speed things up” as it were. Whatever you do…do it the right way.


#8

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