Getting Out of a Abusive Relationship


#1

I been dating this man for 2 years now, I moved to a new area for a position and I met him through Catholic Match a week after moving. At first he was very attentive, he help me unpack my boxes, he would come over every evening and cook together. My first impression was that he was mature and honest. I am also very close to my family and I visit them every weekend. But since dating him, he gives me a hard time and is aggressive because I visit my family too much. He said I am gone every weekend, which in reality is on Sundays only. He wants to spend all his time with me. He shouts and curses at me saying is my fault he is angry and frustrated because he is putting all the effort on the relationship and not me. I feel isolated, I have no friends in the area. I tell him that and he saids is my fault for not making friends or going to church to meet people. But when I do it, he is passive aggressive because I went instead of spending time with him.

I love going to the gym, but he forces me to go with him, and if don’t he is very passive aggressive and gives me the silent treatment. He recently got an argument with his mom because she helps her mentally ill sister. He blocked his mom, and took everything down in his house that is Catholic and he said he doesn’t want to go to church or do Catholic stuff because that is what his mom does.

I have tried leaving him, but I feel I can’t. I’m in my mid 30s, in my 20s I did not had luck finding a good man, let alone in my 30s. Starting over I just feel like a failure, but staying in this relationship has made me feel miserable, depressed, anxious, I don’t take care of myself, he has make me cried 3 times this week. On the next day he acts like nothing happens and is sweet and nice with me. But I feel I so attach I feel I am going crazy if I leave him. I have applied for jobs and got offers, but I always end up turning them down because I am afraid of leaving the guy. I have never ever though I was going to be in this situation. I have no support here, because my family lives far away.

Also I am not happy at my job either, I feel I am in a toxic work environment where is all about politics and not about good work or talent.

Please pray for me that I find a new job back home and able to free myself of this relationship. Also if anyone that was in my position can share their experience that can help too.

Thank you God bless!
Lisa


#2

I was in an abusive relationship too for several years, much like this one (bad job as well), and while leaving was very hard, it was the right choice. It was like loosing a thousand pounds of bad, poisoned rocks around my neck. You need to leave him if he’s making you unhappy. If you stay in this relationship you will be only miserable forever.

Get out. You aren’t a failure for leaving a bad relationship. You are a success for getting out of a bad situation. Sever and don’t look back.


#3

I’ve never been in a situation that bad but you really need to get out in my opinion. No man that treats a woman like that deserves her. My fear is that if he acts this way now that it will get worse. Can you perhaps confide in your family and stay with them? I would also suggest if you feel in danger looking into a restraining order. All too often you hear stories similar to yours which end badly. I hope this isn’t too upsetting to you, it’s not meant to be. It’s just a subject close to my heart as my mom (God rest her soul) was the victim of domestic abuse but luckily she was able to get out. And by the way, you are in no way a failure, you are not to blame for this. God bless you, please be safe.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of our death.
Amen.


#4

Oh, yes you can. And you must, unless you’re prepared to spend the rest of your life being bullied.

We will pray for you, but only you can actually pick up and leave him. Do it.


#5

He’s trying to isolate you from everyone you love and he’s trying to take away your religion. Don’t let him. You can’t control him or his behaviour, but you can change your response to him.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You need to get back to your family, tell them what’s going on and get far away from him, as soon as possible.

You are not a failure.


#6

You seriously want to tie yourself to an abusive person because you feel like he’s your only option? Good God, woman. Snap out of it. Better to be alone your entire life with good friends, and no crazy stalker, than to be tied to an abuser.

And, secondly, I didn’t meet my (totally awesome) Catholic husband until I was 38 and he was 42. Age is just a number.

Really. Don’t stay with an abusive person for ANY reason.

You need a therapist or someone else objective to talk to if you seriously think you can’t leave an abusive idiot because you luuuv him. I’m sorry. No. That isn’t love.


#7

Your post doesn’t make sense. He gets mad at you because you visit your family every Sunday, but you have no support where you are because your family lives far away…


#8

Dump him immediately. Just do it.


#9

As Dr. Phil would the say, the only thing worse than being in a bad relationship for two years is being in a bad relationship for two years and one day.

Get out of it now and perhaps look into some counseling to help with self-esteem issues.


#10

Please seek advice from your parish priest or deacon who can hopefully point you to the nearest shelter and give you the spiritual strength you need.

I agree with @tuscany though, your post is a bit confusing. It’s not clear how much support you actually have. You mentioned that you visit your family every weekend and that your boyfriend complains about it. Yet then you said you don’t have support and they live far away. Just saying it’s confusing hope you have someone.


#11

Sorry if I made it confusing, I live 2 hours away from my family. I don’t have support in this city that I work in, I have no community or friends. If I dump him, I will need support here locally until I am able to moved away.


#12

I am going to call the parish priest and get support. Sorry if I made it confusing, my family is 2 hours away and I drive there on Sundays to visit them.


#13

I can’t even begin to address everything that is wrong with this guy.

Just break it off. He is not worth staying with. Better to be alone than with someone abusive. Bad love is not better than no love.


#14

Thank you Denise for your kind words. I do need to seek therapy to raise my self-esteem up!


#15

What do you mean by “support?”


#16

Thank you CoffeeAndDonuts for your kind words. Is good to hear it from someone that went through similar experience, that there is a solution and I will be able to be happy again.


#17

Support as therapy or counseling.


#18

Thank you MattN, God bless you!


#19

Thank you Angel12 for your kind words. I agree, I don’t want to be bullied the rest of my life.


#20

Thank you Lou2U, yes I agree he is trying to isolate me, since I dated this guy I don’t talk to my friends like I used to.


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