[quote="cmrngrts, post:1, topic:222159"]
Before I came into the Church 3 years ago, I lived a very sinful life. I would go out partying pretty often and I would drink too much. I had many guys take advantage of me and there were quite a few nights that I completely blacked out and have no idea what happened. I was a mess throughout high school and college and I'm very embarrassed and hurt by my past. The thing is that during that time I felt really lonely. I'm not good at connecting with people and I have an extremely tough time making friends. I didn't want to sleep with these men but once drinking was involved in the mix, it happened. It's hard for me to control myself when I drink and it goes from one drink to wasted very quickly.
I thought I was over my past and I had been okay for a while but now the feelings are welling up again. I have seen people from my past and I've had people tell me what a bad person I am. I tried to reconnect with someone I thought was a friend and he told me that he hates me and never wants to speak to me. I've also had an old high school friend tell me how much her mother doesn't like me and never wants to see me around the house.
All of this has really taken a toll on me and I just don't understand. I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years recently and as I've been trying to meet new guys, I find that a lot of them are interested at the beginning and then as we talk more, they just lose interest. I've even had one tell me he didn't want to talk to me anymore because I had an attitude.
I'm just so confused and I feel so unlikeable. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or how to make it better. I feel so bad about my past and my present just hasn't been so bright. I've been feeling farther from God and I'm scared I might fall back into old ways. I've tried praying, I've gone to Mass, but nothing makes me feel any better. I'm starting to question my Catholic beliefs and everything about my life.
I don't know what advice can really help me but I would appreciate any that y'all have to offer.
Advice about drinking: If you can't control it, and you always go from one drink to blackouts, you could well be an alcoholic. I know young people binge drink a lot these days, and this is terribly dangerous and deleterious to your health. If you have tried to quit drinking and cannot, please call Alcoholics Anonymous right away and find a meeting to go to. There will be all kinds of people there, and hopefully some around your age.
As for the rest: God does not hold your past against you. Have you confessed every single sin that you can remember? Then they are FORGIVEN and cast as far as the east is from the west! You can hold your head up and not be ashamed. Don't torture yourself with what you have done wrong in the past. Focus on the good that you have done since you became a Catholic (congratulations!!!).
If you live in a smaller town, it can be hard to leave the past behind, because you will see the people you partied with and they won't understand your transformation. Some people move away from their histories and have success in a new location where no one knows or cares about their past. This is not running away, because you have already changed your way of life, and you are taking care of yourself by starting new. Just something to consider - I don't know how old you are, what your financial or job situation is, who you live with.
Feelings are not facts. Just because you are feeling remorseful again about your past, does not mean that you need to hang your head and let people's hurtful comments knock you down. Consider your feelings and then let them go. Maybe pray for the people who are making those hurtful comments to you. And I would not spend time with the people who keep reminding you of what you've done.
Forgive yourself. And please make an appointment to talk to your pastor, too. He may be able to recommend a counselor if you feel you might need to discuss your past and work through any other problems. Maybe some social classes, on how to be in relationships?
Have you grieved the loss of all those years of partying? It's sad when we realize how we've treated God's gift for our lives. Tears can be cleansing as long as you know why you are crying. There are good books available on loss and how to grieve it. And then God promised us that he can restore the years the locusts have eaten, so don't think your life is over because you have a history.
I hope that helped a little bit. Please remember God loves you and forgives you.