Getting ready to attend Retrouvaille but need answers


#1

My husband and I started our family at a young age (19years old) and we have been together for 7years but married by church for 2years… well in the beginning of July I found out my husband was having an affair with a coworker who is also married with 3 kids and developed a major crush on her well he has since then told me that he has no feelings for me and that he doesn’t love me at all. He wants a divorce. He is also going through depression. Now we don’t even act like a couple and we barely talk. We don’t even sleep in the same bed. I am 6months pregnant with our 3rd child and he is just cold with me, not as rude but still cold. Like he has no emotions towards me. I love him with all my heart and already forgave him for what he did but he really doesn’t want to work on our marriage and just wants a divorce. He has agreed to attend a retreat with me called “Retrouvaille” but swears that it will not work and that our marriage is done.
Has anyone else gone to Retrouvaille and has had a successful marriage afterwards? Same situation as mine?


#2

Rose,
I’m so sorry you are going through this. How horrible, especially at this time when you are expecting your 3rd child. I will be praying for your strength.
My husband and I went through Retrouvaille many years ago. I think that it was helpful, and, had my husband dealt with his other issues honestly, it could have saved our marriage.

Be hopeful…go in it with an open heart and, if you both open your hearts and put the work in, I know of people who have saved their marriages through Retrouvaille.


#3

I’m sorry that you are going through this. But you really need to get a lawyer. Prayers.


#4

Please be assured of my prayers. Your heart must be breaking, as well as your head spinning with what has just happened.

The fact that he has even agreed to go on the weekend retreat is a good sign. Is the affair with the woman over as far as you know? That issue is most important.

As far as legal and financial advice, we can’t help you. However spiritually I can tell you to just breathe right now. Try to put your marriage in the loving arms of Jesus for healing. Please take care, and again I am praying and so very sorry.


#5

@Rose94 I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. You’ll be in my prayers. I hope your retreat may mark a turnaround in the situation and a new beginning for your marriage.


#6

Thank you @adamp88 I pray that things get better.


#7

I will pray this begins a healing process and that your husband will honestly be open to this. It is more than the retreat portion that the both of you will have to put your efforts. There’s quite a bit of follow up and ongoing commitment by both of you.

I waited to reply because I have not experienced this first hand. I know two couples who did, and in both cases have renewed their commitment to each other.


#8

How did it go?


#9

So far we are just acting civil but I feel so alone and hopeless. I’ve been praying everyday and hope that when the retreat comes, something opens up in him.


#10

You are in my prayers.


#11

Praying the Holy Spirit acts in your Sacrament.


#12

Our situation was much less severe (e.g., no infidelity), but my wife and I were facing some serious issues. Retrouvaille did not immediately solve our problems, but it put us back on the right track, and served as something of a “reset” for our marriage. It definitely had a very positive long-term effect. We even have a “Retrouvaille baby” (though he’s not a baby any more). :slight_smile:

I don’t know if Retrouvaille will work for you and your husband or not, but his willingness to give it a try is a positive sign. Retrouvaille has saved many marriages, but it doesn’t save every marriage. Still, it is very, very much worth a try. Also, please remember that the weekend retreat is just the beginning, to get you back on the right track. It doesn’t solve your problems, but it can start you on a path to working on them together. One of the best things Retrouvaille does is to open up the lines of communication between spouses, through various exercises that are done over the weekend. It also provides hope, through testimonies of other couples who overcame very difficult situations.


#13

@Rose94, I want to point out one more thing about your situation. I re-read your initial post, and I notice you said that you and your husband have been together for seven years. I’m not sure if you were civilly married or living together during that entire seven years, but if you were, then there is another parallel between your situation and my wife’s and my situation: I believe that my wife and I had been married right around seven years at the time that we were having issues and went to Retrouvaille. I also recall reading somewhere that marriages often go through a rough patch around seven years into the marriage, and that couples who can weather that rough patch and stay together are in a good position to stay together for a long time. (There is even a term for this seven-year rough patch, the so-called “seven year itch.”) So I would really encourage you and your husband to stick with each other through this rough time, because if you do, I believe there will be much happier times yet to come.


#14

I hope so @paul71. So far things have calmed down. We barely talk and the last thing he said to me was that his mind was set and that he doesn’t want to be married to me anymore (3 days ago) I’m standing my ground and just being silent and patient. Letting God do all the work. I continue to take care of him even though he’s putting me through all of this. Like I said he still agrees to go to the retreat but says that it won’t change his mind. I truly do believe that my marriage is going to be ok, It just might take some time. I pray that we grow from all of this.


#15

This is a good sign that he is willing to go! I know your heart is still broken over his affair, and you are pregnant and dealing with lack of sleep, probably morning sickness and other pregnancy problems. Still there is hope!
I know Retrouvaille didn’t have us walk away magically in love hand in hand. However, there was HOPE. There was a light at the end of the tunnel that we both felt was worth fighting for. I pray for that and much more for you. Please take care as best as you can.


#16

Thank you @Dacinom. I will continue praying and all I have is hope. I’ve been very optimistic even though my heart is broken. I do believe my marriage will be better than alright with time. It’s so easy to walk away and just be angry all the time. I didn’t realize I had this much strength. God is in charge and he is on our side. I just need to be patient and let God do his work.


#17

Rose. I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Dealing with a major life crisis is difficult, let alone when you are pregnant.

I don’t have any experience with Retrouvaille, but I would encourage you to reach out for all the support you need, which sounds like a lot. Reach out to your parish priest, and if possibly, family and friends.

I will be praying for you.

Julie


#18

Has he ended the affair?


#19

From what I know, yes. But they still work in the same store.


#20

Yikes. So sorry :frowning:


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