So I’m discerning, although I’m not sure exactly /what/ I’m discerning. I feel a vague call to the religious life, though not as strongly as I once did, and even if it’s there, I’m more or less ignoring it at least for now, focusing on college plans instead (I’m 17, senior in HS). I am very eager to grow closer to our Lord and develop a deeper relationship with Him, but lately something has been lacking when I pray (on my end, I am sure) – too much distraction, too many random thoughts, and a strange sort of fixation on getting a spiritual director, to the point that it has been distracting me in and of itself. So I’ve decided to finally post here and get some advice on this, since you guys are generally all awesome.
I had a kind of informal, but crazy helpful, spiritual direction from a forum member for a while (I hope you read this Frank :-), but my parents were I think threatened by the crazy explosions in my faith – or something – and asked us not to talk anymore. Before that, I had a brief stint of direction from our parish priest, which my parents still don’t know about. At home I don’t get really any encouragement for my faith. I’ve been working through things on my own for four-ish months now, and it’s ok, but I just know it could all be so much better, and I think, or maybe hope, that a spiritual director could help me focus and go deeper. I’m finding myself increasingly frustrated and confused as I try to figure out what to do with my life and how I’m meant to serve God. I have a million questions, no real answers, and no one to talk to about issues cropping up as my faith life changes.
If I could be sure that it was God’s will for me to talk to a spiritual director, I would start to face the challenges that will come with it. But I’m worried that I shouldn’t really need spiritual direction as a teen. None of my friends really have it that I know of, so I wonder, why do I want it? And if my faith is kind of stalling without spiritual direction or someone to guide me, does that mean I’m not entirely focused on God, but need someone as a kind of in between? I think our parish priest would be a really good guide for me, and I really want to ask my parents if I could talk to him about maybe getting something started. But I just keep hesitating, arguing with myself that there’s no way I can talk to my parents about it, that I shouldn’t really need it and so I should just keep fighting on my own, and that it’s probably not God’s will anyway, it’s just what I want.
What do you all think? I need some advice on what to do. Thanks!
Peace of Christ be with you always,