I just reread my post and saw it was pretty lengthy. My way of explaining myself Still I’d appreciate anyone who’d comment!
Maybe it’s useful for other men in the first phases of marriage.
Also adding: I’m 35 now, my wife is also 35. For her it’s the first time in a long term relationship, for me I converted to Christ 15 years ago, and followed seminary until 3 years ago.
a while ago since I posted on CAF, and happy to post now in “Family Life”.
After a long-distance relationship of 2,5 years I married my beautiful girl in a very memorable ceremony in her own country. The celebration of the Sacrament was very intense, the party was very pleasurable, meeting her family was great and blessed, and all in all we both felt the grace of the Sacrament connecting us spiritually.
The first days of our marriage were pretty busy, because this was the time we both could see my wife’s family. We enjoyed it partly the two of us, but mostly with her family (and my parents who came along to the wedding). But we did relax and enjoyed our times as newly weds a lot!
Because of immigration procedures, and my limited holidays, we decided the following a time ago:
15 May marriage
20 May I went back to my country
30 June my wife will come to my country
So it’s now 4 weeks till our reunion.
Generally I’m struggling with a need for affirmation and affection. So already I do miss ‘a person who is by my side to support me and says I’m doing good’.
But of course, since it’s my wife and we spent time already inside the Sacrament, the missing is a lot bigger. Logically.
However, I do find that I try to ‘claim’ her sometimes in our day-to-day messaging. Time difference is 7 hours which makes it difficult to stay in contact the day long.
A problem is my insecurity: Seeing the modern-day approach of dating around me and the decline of true commitment (my sister is going through a divorce right now), living in a politically progressive country, my worldly eyes grew infected of the idea that marriage doesn’t mean a lot. (However my own catholic heart is convinced about the Sacrament!)
I catch myself thinking that I still have to ‘fight’ for her love. Of course I know as a husband I have to fight for her wellbeing and to make her feel loved - I mean a different kind of fighting here - conquering/ courting, impressing her.
This is not her fault. I know her love is unconditional. I know she’s deeply in love. Part is that I feel so overwhelmed by how great, beautiful and holy she is that it’s easy to even distrust God in being so good to me.
This is not her fault. She sends me messages, keeps contact, but not always when I am desiring it. She is just busy saying her goodbyes, finishing her things in her own town - also emotionally, and that’s why I don’t like my own attitude and clinginess. I also know it will be difficult for her to leave her own country (though she already spent some time around my area, and she already lives pretty removed from her own family - she will even be closer to one of her sisters when she’s here!))
Anyone can help with some solid advice to really let the connection of the Sacrament ‘sink in’? To rely more on God and on her?
I guess I just want to be less selfish and more relaxed so I don’t bring myself to the temptation of desperation.