Girlfriend mad for no apparent reason


#1

I hope someone can give me some advice. I'm in the middle of a bizarre situation. My girlfriend came over to my apt today. She hadn't visited in a couple of days. Anyway, things were going pretty good. We were watching a show on tv, and at one point something weird happened and I was pointing it out, but she was oblivious to it I guess and was singing a song. Anyway, I guess I got a bit upset there.

Then later I was trying to put something in the microwave, and she kept coming really close, so I just said one second, I gotta get this, but she kept coming closer and closer, so eventually I told her to stop it. I guess I wasn't the nicest after a while.

Anyway, once I did that, she got really pissy and upset. She stopped talking and seemed really grouchy. I explained that I just didn't want her that close at the moment, but she wouldn't move away even when I kept asking.

Anyway, she kept being mad, and then she said I was mean to her the whole time she was there. I definitely wasn't. I only remember those two small incidents. Other than that, we were watching shows and I even spent a pretty long time talking to her, without distraction, about stuff that happened at work.

She kept saying how terrible I am for treating her like that after not seeing her for a couple of days. I apologized, but it seemed the more I apologized the pissier she got. It's hard to explain, but I find it really annoying when she is like that.

I kept asking her the problem and she just kept saying "whatever" and just acting really mad.

Eventually she again announced how annoyed she is at me, and said she's leaving. I was also mad because it just seemed to come out of nowhere and that she was only interested in painting me in a bad light. Nothing I did helped.

I went out of my room after about 10 minutes and she was on the couch, just sitting there, feeling bad for herself. I tried to talk to her and ask what was going on, and she maintained her super annoyed and pissy attitude.

I guess I just find it really frustrating. I find it hard to talk to her when she's like this without getting angry. It's just so difficult. She's all mad and pissy and upset, but she won't tell me why. She just says general things like how bad I am, and how poorly I'm treating her and wondering if I even love her.

Can someone please help?


#2

Firstly, she should be able to give you example of specific behavior.

How old are you two? And how long have you been dating?


#3

[quote="faithfully, post:2, topic:230335"]
Firstly, she should be able to give you example of specific behavior.

How old are you two? And how long have you been dating?

[/quote]

I'm 28 she's 27. two years.


#4

Three letters for you....P M S.

Get her some chocolate and be SUPER nice for a few days.;)


#5

This sounds a bit like me when I was first getting to know my eventual husband. For the first year of dating, we were very nice to each other. Then for the second year I was just horrible. I'd be angry at him for the slightest thing (sometimes nothing), wouldn't try to sort anything out. I'd ignore him in public. It wasn't that I hated him, or even disliked him, I think that it was just that I was young (18) and this was my first real relationship. I didn't know how to handle it. I was sort of pushing him away as though somewhere in my head I was scared of the seriousness of the relationship.

My now husband gave up in the end, and stopped trying to save the relationship. I quickly worked out that if I didn't start being nice, I'd lose him. That prompted me to think hard about how I acted, and what was important in my life. I changed myself and things have been much better ever since.

I don't know if this is in any way similar to your difficulty, but I hope it helps in some way.


#6

[quote="phil8888, post:1, topic:230335"]
I hope someone can give me some advice. I'm in the middle of a bizarre situation. My girlfriend came over to my apt today. She hadn't visited in a couple of days. Anyway, things were going pretty good. We were watching a show on tv, and at one point something weird happened and I was pointing it out, but she was oblivious to it I guess and was singing a song. Anyway, I guess I got a bit upset there.

Then later I was trying to put something in the microwave, and she kept coming really close, so I just said one second, I gotta get this, but she kept coming closer and closer, so eventually I told her to stop it. I guess I wasn't the nicest after a while.

Anyway, once I did that, she got really pissy and upset. She stopped talking and seemed really grouchy. I explained that I just didn't want her that close at the moment, but she wouldn't move away even when I kept asking.

Anyway, she kept being mad, and then she said I was mean to her the whole time she was there. I definitely wasn't. I only remember those two small incidents. Other than that, we were watching shows and I even spent a pretty long time talking to her, without distraction, about stuff that happened at work.

She kept saying how terrible I am for treating her like that after not seeing her for a couple of days. I apologized, but it seemed the more I apologized the pissier she got. It's hard to explain, but I find it really annoying when she is like that.

I kept asking her the problem and she just kept saying "whatever" and just acting really mad.

Eventually she again announced how annoyed she is at me, and said she's leaving. I was also mad because it just seemed to come out of nowhere and that she was only interested in painting me in a bad light. Nothing I did helped.

I went out of my room after about 10 minutes and she was on the couch, just sitting there, feeling bad for herself. I tried to talk to her and ask what was going on, and she maintained her super annoyed and pissy attitude.

I guess I just find it really frustrating. I find it hard to talk to her when she's like this without getting angry. It's just so difficult. She's all mad and pissy and upset, but she won't tell me why. She just says general things like how bad I am, and how poorly I'm treating her and wondering if I even love her.

Can someone please help?

[/quote]

Since I don't know you or your girlfriend, it would be vey difficult to say anything helpful, except that there evidently is a lack of communication, and if it doesn't get resolved, you may be dealing with it the rest of your life. If you guys are serious and considering marriage, some counseling may be in order first. Things like this tend to get worse rather than better.


#7

Some girls take awhile to cool off (like me :rolleyes:). She's not going to cool off if she can tell you're still annoyed. And you are still pretty annoyed. From what you've posted, you didn't handle things too well and now she feels unappreciated. I wouldn't be surprised if there is some PMS thrown in there too.

Be nice. Don't just keep saying "I'm sorry." When you both cool off, start with good stuff. About how much you missed her these last couple days, etc. Work through it when you're both not so mad.

It sounds like you guys are getting to the point in a relationship where each person gets ticked off about the things the other person does. The only way to get through that is communication. On the other side is a better, stronger relationship.

Good luck!

KG


#8

[quote="phil8888, post:3, topic:230335"]
I'm 28 she's 27. two years.

[/quote]

Wow, I was guessing just out of high school! You guys need to learn how to communicate better.

She evidently had some kind of expectation of you that you weren't fulfilling. Whatever that was, you might know or you might not.

If you've been dating her for 2 years and this is the best she (and you) can do when you have a problem? Don't marry her!!!


#9

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:8, topic:230335"]
Wow, I was guessing just out of high school! You guys need to learn how to communicate better.

She evidently had some kind of expectation of you that you weren't fulfilling. Whatever that was, you might know or you might not.

If you've been dating her for 2 years and this is the best she (and you) can do when you have a problem? Don't marry her!!!

[/quote]

she has since sent me an a txt msg saying she was sorry. and so did I.

I just hate when that kind of stuff happens. it's not that she doesn't communicate at all. but I just find the harder I try, the worse it get. I guess I get annoyed when she says stuff like "yeah whatever" and her general demeanor is very standoffish and pissy. I just don't know what to do.

In all honesty, I guess I've learned that the best thing sometimes is to just let it go for a couple of hours, then talk about it after...


#10

1 word for you brother: Game.

You need it. I cannot explain why here (because I'm probably going to be unjustly called sexist, misogynist, etc.) but if you are interested in knowing just send me a PM.


#11

Yeah, it could always be PMS... some women get EXTREMELY emotional.

My guess... and since I have nothing else to go on...

Valentines just passed. You're old enough to be engaged. You've been together long enough to figure out if this is the one for you...

And so today (Feb 24), she's your girlfriend... not your financee...

I suspect, again a guess... she had hoped you would be romantic enough to propose on V-day... She's too embarassed to tell you that. She doesn't WANT to have to tell you that. So she doesn't really have anything to tell you. She's trying to decide if she should date you any longer to see if you're going to pull the trigger... Because you might, and she could be married before she's 30...

Or she waits a bit longer, and you're still waiting for some magic moment to propose. And she's 28. Decides you're not gonna. Breaks up... needs to start looking for another guy... who she's gonna have to date some 1-2 years to see if he's interested in actually getting married, By then she's 30. Valentines rolls around, still no proposal... how long must the cycle last.

It was you who asked about the bilogical clock just a few days ago... I suspect you might have heard that hers is ticking.

Or... she's got the emotional maturity of a 15 y/o...

Good luck!


#12

[quote="faithfully, post:11, topic:230335"]
Yeah, it could always be PMS... some women get EXTREMELY emotional.

My guess... and since I have nothing else to go on...

Valentines just passed. You're old enough to be engaged. You've been together long enough to figure out if this is the one for you...

And so today (Feb 24), she's your girlfriend... not your financee...

I suspect, again a guess... she had hoped you would be romantic enough to propose on V-day... She's too embarassed to tell you that. She doesn't WANT to have to tell you that. So she doesn't really have anything to tell you. She's trying to decide if she should date you any longer to see if you're going to pull the trigger... Because you might, and she could be married before she's 30...

Or she waits a bit longer, and you're still waiting for some magic moment to propose. And she's 28. Decides you're not gonna. Breaks up... needs to start looking for another guy... who she's gonna have to date some 1-2 years to see if he's interested in actually getting married, By then she's 30. Valentines rolls around, still no proposal... how long must the cycle last.

It was you who asked about the bilogical clock just a few days ago... I suspect you might have heard that hers is ticking.

Or... she's got the emotional maturity of a 15 y/o...

Good luck!

[/quote]

I hear what you're saying. I don't have a job right now, so I don't want to propose yet. Sometimes I feel like a really terrible human being for not having proposed to her yet. I doubt anyone could know how bad I feel. So if you guys want to add on to that, go ahead. Not saying that's what you did. People always think guys just try to manipulate girls and stuff. I'm not doing that. I definitely want only what's best for her.


#13

[quote="phil8888, post:12, topic:230335"]
I hear what you're saying. I don't have a job right now, so I don't want to propose yet. Sometimes I feel like a really terrible human being for not having proposed to her yet. I doubt anyone could know how bad I feel. So if you guys want to add on to that, go ahead. Not saying that's what you did. People always think guys just try to manipulate girls and stuff. I'm not doing that. I definitely want only what's best for her.

[/quote]

I don't think you're trying to manipulate her. Or that you're a terrible human being for not proposing...I'm saying she might have expected that you would... and is confused about why you didn't... For example... my DH was in school when he proposed. And had only finally been hired on his first career like job about 6 months prior to our marriage. Seriously, if we waited until he had the perfect job... jeez that would have been about 6 month ago... Needless to say, we've been married for 15 years.

Is it possible that she was expecting it. Regardless of job status?

IF... and I say IF, that's likely, you need to talk to her about future plans. And then bring that all into a realistic scenario. Do you just need a job? Or do you need to have half your retirment fund built?

Are you worried because you think she wants a 10k ring to get engaged with? And well, if she does that might be a problem. But I can tell you, if she loves you, and she's NOT all about jewelry, she doesn't even need a ring until the Big Day (Ok, some women won't let that fly... didn't bug me... which is why I'm saying.)

Anyhow... open communication is IMPORTANT!!!! Get good at it! Especially if you think you'll marry her. It's great an all to come here for ideas... but we don't have a clue what's going on in her head, or her body. When she's calmed down... you need to get specifics...

Good luck!


#14

[quote="faithfully, post:13, topic:230335"]
I don't think you're trying to manipulate her. Or that you're a terrible human being for not proposing...I'm saying she might have expected that you would... and is confused about why you didn't... For example... my DH was in school when he proposed. And had only finally been hired on his first career like job about 6 months prior to our marriage. Seriously, if we waited until he had the perfect job... jeez that would have been about 6 month ago... Needless to say, we've been married for 15 years.

Is it possible that she was expecting it. Regardless of job status?

IF... and I say IF, that's likely, you need to talk to her about future plans. And then bring that all into a realistic scenario. Do you just need a job? Or do you need to have half your retirment fund built?

Are you worried because you think she wants a 10k ring to get engaged with? And well, if she does that might be a problem. But I can tell you, if she loves you, and she's NOT all about jewelry, she doesn't even need a ring until the Big Day (Ok, some women won't let that fly... didn't bug me... which is why I'm saying.)

Anyhow... open communication is IMPORTANT!!!! Get good at it! Especially if you think you'll marry her. It's great an all to come here for ideas... but we don't have a clue what's going on in her head, or her body. When she's calmed down... you need to get specifics...

Good luck!

[/quote]

we've talked about it. she's ready to get married.


#15

[quote="phil8888, post:1, topic:230335"]
I hope someone can give me some advice. I'm in the middle of a bizarre situation. My girlfriend came over to my apt today. She hadn't visited in a couple of days. Anyway, things were going pretty good. We were watching a show on tv, and at one point something weird happened and I was pointing it out, but she was oblivious to it I guess and was singing a song. Anyway, I guess I got a bit upset there.

Then later I was trying to put something in the microwave, and she kept coming really close, so I just said one second, I gotta get this, but she kept coming closer and closer, so eventually I told her to stop it. I guess I wasn't the nicest after a while.

Can someone please help?

[/quote]

You twit! She was trying to get a kiss. Instead, you completely missed her play, and to top it off, you got mad at her for it.

You definitely need to bring chocolates with you the next time you pick her up.


#16

[quote="phil8888, post:1, topic:230335"]
I hope someone can give me some advice. I'm in the middle of a bizarre situation. My girlfriend came over to my apt today. She hadn't visited in a couple of days. Anyway, things were going pretty good. We were watching a show on tv, and at one point something weird happened and I was pointing it out, but she was oblivious to it I guess and was singing a song. Anyway, I guess I got a bit upset there.

Then later I was trying to put something in the microwave, and she kept coming really close, so I just said one second, I gotta get this, but she kept coming closer and closer, so eventually I told her to stop it. I guess I wasn't the nicest after a while.

Anyway, once I did that, she got really pissy and upset. She stopped talking and seemed really grouchy. I explained that I just didn't want her that close at the moment, but she wouldn't move away even when I kept asking.

Anyway, she kept being mad, and then she said I was mean to her the whole time she was there. I definitely wasn't. I only remember those two small incidents. Other than that, we were watching shows and I even spent a pretty long time talking to her, without distraction, about stuff that happened at work.

She kept saying how terrible I am for treating her like that after not seeing her for a couple of days. I apologized, but it seemed the more I apologized the pissier she got. It's hard to explain, but I find it really annoying when she is like that.

I kept asking her the problem and she just kept saying "whatever" and just acting really mad.

Eventually she again announced how annoyed she is at me, and said she's leaving. I was also mad because it just seemed to come out of nowhere and that she was only interested in painting me in a bad light. Nothing I did helped.

I went out of my room after about 10 minutes and she was on the couch, just sitting there, feeling bad for herself. I tried to talk to her and ask what was going on, and she maintained her super annoyed and pissy attitude.

I guess I just find it really frustrating. I find it hard to talk to her when she's like this without getting angry. It's just so difficult. She's all mad and pissy and upset, but she won't tell me why. She just says general things like how bad I am, and how poorly I'm treating her and wondering if I even love her.

Can someone please help?

[/quote]

Brother, there is one word that describes this : Women
They are a strange and weird species, mind boggling the male species for several centuries (most likely even longer, but i can't spell that word) (yes even since the fall!), we can't live with them, can't live without them, we just have to roll with it ;)


#17

[quote="phil8888, post:14, topic:230335"]
we've talked about it. she's ready to get married.

[/quote]

Honestly, I think you have your answer... you're looking for her to be upset about something for "no apparent reason..." I suspect she is conflicted. I'm sure she loves you. Or wouldn't be hanging around. And she's just not confident you're in for the long haul. As, whether you feel bad about it or not... your actions don't support that.

Have you considered a long engagement... Say NEXT summer??? If you're not working by then... well....

Anyhow... not to be pushy... LOL! from a perfect stranger non the less!


#18

I just feel so down sometimes. I am struggling not to fall back into depression. I've reached out to "friends", but I guess I don't really have any. I want someone to talk to. Sometimes people on CAF help, but often they just try to blame me and make me sound like a bad person. I already feel bad enough. Thanks for anyone helping. I don't want to be depressed...


#19

[quote="admonsta, post:5, topic:230335"]
This sounds a bit like me when I was first getting to know my eventual husband. For the first year of dating, we were very nice to each other. Then for the second year I was just horrible. I'd be angry at him for the slightest thing (sometimes nothing), wouldn't try to sort anything out. I'd ignore him in public. It wasn't that I hated him, or even disliked him, I think that it was just that I was young (18) and this was my first real relationship. I didn't know how to handle it. I was sort of pushing him away as though somewhere in my head I was scared of the seriousness of the relationship.

My now husband gave up in the end, and stopped trying to save the relationship. I quickly worked out that if I didn't start being nice, I'd lose him. That prompted me to think hard about how I acted, and what was important in my life. I changed myself and things have been much better ever since.

I don't know if this is in any way similar to your difficulty, but I hope it helps in some way.

[/quote]

What a great, humble post!


#20

[quote="phil8888, post:1, topic:230335"]
IThen later I was trying to put something in the microwave, and she kept coming really close, so I just said one second, I gotta get this, but she kept coming closer and closer, so eventually I told her to stop it. I guess I wasn't the nicest after a while.

[/quote]

I am a woman, and probably a LOT of people are going to jump on me for this but here goes. I am totally on YOUR side about the micro wave incident. If someone is going to be so pig-headed as to keep coming close to you after you have REPEATEDLY said 'just one second' you are totally justified in using a not nice tone of voice. I would even go so far as to say profanity is forgiveable in this case.

It has been my experience that people who like to 'get in your way' when you are busy doing something else just have a total lack of something in the intellect department. Adults know that you don't sing out loud when someone is trying to point something out on the TV and then when you turn your attention to something else get in your way. It comes across as she is one of the people who constantly need to be #1 priority and can't even take the back bench for 5 minutes so you can put something in the microwave

Now, as for marrying her. She obviously can not communicate her feelings. If she was disappointed in your Valentines day..... She needs to express it in a mature way. I would seriously think twice about her because this is what your marriage will be like unless communicaton improves.

And I can relate to being unemplyed and having no friends. 7 years ago, I lost my job and found out none of my friends were worth having. You really have to be unemplyed for extended period to understand how CRUEL people are to the unemployed. It is shocking how some love to rub it in your face. So, you have a friend in Christ with me on that one.

Praying for you

CM


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