Girlfriend may not forgive me


#1

I have done some bad things that no girl deserves.
Asked God to forgive me all the time but im not letting her go!

So my girlfriend is angry & frustrated with me still. think its been a month now?
we have a son together which i love more than anything and i barely get to see him due to my situation. (drivers license is suspended & no job for incoming money). now she says i giver her alot of bull and im always depending on her. This is not true. Says my problem is that i only care about my son which is true. **I do want to marry this girl **because i love her, not just because we have a son.

basically i just need some thoughts on relationship improvements?
my bestestfriend in the whole world & church friend suggested couples counseling.
she refused and said i needed the help. lol…:shrug:

wat do i do?


#2

What “bad things” have you done?

Depending on what they are, maybe you do need the individual help.

Not knowing what you’ve done, I don’t know if you’re “forgivable”. But your best shot would be to change yourself as a man, and demonstrate to her that you would make a good husband.


#3

Well, she may not forgive you. The only thing that can rebuild trust and respect are your actions.

An unemployed boyfriend with a suspended driver's license isn't exactly appealing nor does it speak well of your character.

You have a child out of wedlock, so clearly neither of you have not been living a Catholic lifestyle.

So, I agree with her-- there's a lot about YOU that you need to work on. Get right with God by going to Confession and making a firm committment to avoid immoral behavior. Get a job and deal with whatever situation landed you without a driver's license.

Start making better choices and show her that you are husband material. That won't happen overnight.


#4

well this was last year, but i cheated on her with her sister and i regret it so much.
It wasn’t intentional…but it happend. she forgave me (so she said) and we moved on.
now she lives in a seperate house on same property as her mother so do see her sis sometimes and i know thats harder for her have the memory of the event…you know?

Ever since that cheat incident happend, her sis tries to break us up all the time.
but of course, rather believe her than me. last month she tells my GF i gave her a poem i wrote about her. so angry! knew it was kind of odd i couldnt find my notebook last month.

i just cant believe that she rather believe her over me. now im not saying im more importan coz were not married but still. then she says i talk to other girls. false acusations!! no proof of any femalws i associate with at all that i have established relationships. with my GF everyday. she has my passwords for emails and other websites. she even told me before i moved out that she WAITING our relationship to fail :eek: :frowning:

maybe she needs a lil faith like me?
does believe in GOD but her previous exp with parents church made her stop going?? :shrug:

Well, she may not forgive you. The only thing that can rebuild trust and respect are your actions.

An unemployed boyfriend with a suspended driver’s license isn’t exactly appealing nor does it speak well of your character.

You have a child out of wedlock, so clearly neither of you have not been living a Catholic lifestyle.

So, I agree with her-- there’s a lot about YOU that you need to work on. Get right with God by going to Confession and making a firm committment to avoid immoral behavior. Get a job and deal with whatever situation landed you without a driver’s license.

Start making better choices and show her that you are husband material. That won’t happen overnight.

i know. been trying to get back on track but it is hard for me.
GOD has always been there for me. kind of drifted away from his last year :frowning:
i really do want to go confession. makes me feel better.

i know i know. we should have gotten married first.
got enough of that from my church friends. :o


#5

I'm sorry things aren't working out for you.

When you cheat on someone, you destroy the bonds of trust that you worked so hard to gain. Sadly, you choose to cheat on her with a family member. That sort of adds to the trouble. Wrong move on your part-major no-no's.

Having said that, she needs to choose if she wants to stay with you and raise the baby, or leave. If she stays with you, she needs to learn to forgive and forget, and move on-it's not easy, and she has a right to be mad at you-but she doesn't have the right to make your lives miserable.


#6

First, nothing just “happens.” One takes steps in the direction by choice, rationalizing that it will be OK or one is strong enough or one deserves just once or any infinite number of rationalizations. So yes, you do need help, at least in terms of learning how to know when to stop a path leading you into trouble.

Second, above posters are correct: see 1ke and rascalking specifically re: responsibility and trust issues. Other reasons to get some help.

We are all responsible for ourselves. This is true regardless what the other person decides to do.


#7

You are going to have to earn her trust.

Go to confession tomorrow (you can call the Priest and make arrangements). Start going to Mass, daily mass.

Pray the Rosary every day

Get a job.

Act like a real man, a real man does NOT cheat. Do not ever give her another reason to suspect you.

The fact that you cheated with her sister says that her sister is NOT a woman you would want to be around, ever.


#8

^ wow. STRONG words. lol…no comment
but i see everything you guys are saying.

my rosemary is actually in her car /=
think have another one at my parents casa.

as for church…dont really have transportation over there to go everyday. barely on sundays.
already have help FYI everyone from the church.


#9

Awhile ago I found an article about forgiveness in relationships. It’s not a Catholic or faith-based article; it’s more of a practical approach to earning and giving forgiveness. I strongly encourage you to read it, and print it out for your girlfriend to read.

The Gift of Forgiveness
dianeandersoncounselling.com/newsletters/love_right_now_02_01.htm


#10

YOU HAVE NO IDEAH HOW HARD THATS GONNA BE.
wont answer my calls or txt /=


#11

It’s supposed to be hard. That’s what makes it worth it.


#12

I don't know if you and she can have a relationship. Some people forgive affairs and move on, others don't. There is hope since people have moved past affairs and gone on to have lasting marriages, but it's not guaranteed.

As others have said, behave like a man. Your first priority right now should be to get a job, possibly go to school to improve your employability.

If you are involved in any kind of drugs or drinking or hard partying stop all that immediately.

Show her that you are a responsible man by doing your duty as a father. At the time this means above all having a job and being able to provide for your son. You have a right and a responsibility to be a parent. So apart from contributing financially, be involved in things like taking him to doctors appointments, outings, and wherever else he needs to go.

While you are looking for a job, spend a lot of time volunteering (it will improve your chance to get a job as well). How severe are your issues with transportation, is there public transit where you live, are things close enough to walk or use a bicycle?

Above all, do not make excuses. People have gone through greater hardships than not having a car or a job. You have to above all be a hard worker. This is a big part of what it means to be a man.


#13

Then write her a letter. (Snail mail is so rare these days that few can resist the temptation to open and read a handwritten letter.) Apologize, with no excuses. Tell her that you understand how badly you’ve hurt her. Tell her that you know she needs time to heal, but that you want to be part of that healing process. Tell her that you know you haven’t been the man that she deserves–then tell her exactly what you are going to do to become the man she deserves.

(And like the others said, straighten your own life out in the mean time.)


#14

I think that in order for any relationship to work successfully proper communication, understanding, and willingness is needed. Maybe your girlfriend, realizing that their is an innocent child involved, should be willing to seek help with you. Even if she finds it to be all your fault, she still she would be willing to back you up for moral support. God bless you!


#15

i love writing letters. MORE meanigful sometimes. Esp when talkin to friends that dont expect anything but bills. lol :cool:

FlyingFish,
i do mostly everything on my own. i rarely askk others for help.
ride with my friend to church, she lives close by and she’s always been supportive since i started going there. but take the bus where i need to go.
and i am in skool. be done this upcoming may. would be sooner but had some difficulties with family. uhh

I dont blame anyone for my mistakes. wish more ppl would do the same.
have my faults and bad decisions. time to grow up, be a man and take care of it.
getting a job in my area is harder than it seems. sometimes i do think about a career change but my goals are set, think i’ll be fine. most the jobs i see are manager jobs which is part of my education path. :cool:


#16

Are you an independent adult? Or living at home with your parents?


#17

[quote="Richard_James, post:14, topic:179597"]
I think that in order for any relationship to work successfully proper communication, understanding, and willingness is needed. Maybe your girlfriend, realizing that their is an innocent child involved, should be willing to seek help with you. Even if she finds it to be all your fault, she still she would be willing to back you up for moral support. God bless you!

[/quote]

I think a priest needs to meet this couple. What do you think?


#18

[quote="Augusta_Sans, post:13, topic:179597"]
Then write her a letter. (Snail mail is so rare these days that few can resist the temptation to open and read a handwritten letter.) Apologize, with no excuses. Tell her that you understand how badly you've hurt her. Tell her that you know she needs time to heal, but that you want to be part of that healing process. Tell her that you know you haven't been the man that she deserves--then tell her exactly what you are going to do to become the man she deserves.

(And like the others said, straighten your own life out in the mean time.)

[/quote]

Why not tell the guy to go to confession unless it's not everything you claim it to be?


#19

Ah, well that’s good. It’s okay not to have a job when you’re still in school. You gave the impression that you weren’t in school and didn’t have a job, which is obviously very unattractive to women.

But since you are graduating in May, right now may be a good time to start looking for work. Check with your school’s career office and the like, start working on resumes, get involved in volunteering as that looks good on your resume.

As another poster suggested, write her a letter. But maybe don’t write a romantic “i love you, please come back to me” letter. Write her how you want to be a responsible father to your child, and that you want to work with her in raising him.

Showing her that you are a good father is in my opinion the best way to get back together with her. It’s also a way for you to have a friendship with her. You simply have to be around long (which you will be since you have a child together), and prove to her again and again that you’re a changed man.

And of course be patient, she knows you as a man who cheated on her with her sister and for whatever reason has a suspended license. You need to be consistently a responsible man for a while before her picture of you changes.


#20

i do NOT live with my parents. That would be a nightmare. lol
live with my cousin's. WAY better than stress i use to have at my parents house :o

FlyingFish,
thanks. i do keep trying with my schools career room thing everymonth.

Im just keep praying and try to make it work.
miss when God was closer to me. still feel like he's not here sometimes :(


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