Girlfriend Sleeping Over


#1

Ok so my situation is a little dicey.

I have a 6 yd old son with an ex girlfriend who is a devote Catholic. For the record we were never married but that is not the issue. We split over 3 yrs ago and we have co-parented our beautiful son 50/50.

I have been dating a new girl for the past 2 years, who is wonderful and has met my son on a numerous occassions with no issues.

However, now as I become more serious with this girlfriend I would love for all of us to go on vacation or if need be allow her to sleepover the house in a seperate room. At all times, if a sleepover would be considered, she would be in a seperate room from me, no question asked.

So what's the issue. My devoted catholic ex-girlfriend is objecting to this saying this should not happen unless we are in a committed relationship. I explained to her i was, however unless we are engaged or living together she does not accept. She claims if we do this it is immoral and against the catholic teachings for which I did agree to raise my son.

Any advice on this one? Is my ex just using the catholic faith as an excuse to get what she wants (or doesnt in this case)?


#2

I can't read her heart to know what her motivation is. I do know that I wouldn't want my son to go on vacation with his Dad & the girlfriend - seperate rooms or not. I want to raise my kids knowing right from wrong and I try to set a good example in my own life. Your son will be much more likely to want sleepovers with his girlfriend when his hormones are raging at 16 if he had your example of sleepovers with your girlfriends. Then again, most 16 year olds - good example or not probably want that.

Not sure what to tell you except that your relationship with the mother of your child will last his lifetime - the girlfriend - who knows? I would try to respect her feelings if she feels very strongly about it. It's the least you can do, assuming she is a great mother to your son.


#3

This is a big no no. Your little son does not need a woman, who is not his mother to be sleeping over. It is unseemly, and really not very wise. If you care for her that much, date her until you can be sure that marriage is in the future. Do not expose your little boy to this.:amen::harp:


#4

No…don’t do it.

This is not a case of she came over and a snow storm hit and she couldn’t drive home. This sets a bad example to your son. Your first priority is your son. Let this girl go home to her house for the night.

If you do get serious…get married…then she can sleep over till her hearts content…but no sleep overs till you’re married.


#5

I agree that this is a no-no. Your son is easily old enough to remember any sleep overs and take information from them. In addition I don’t think you are really being honest with yourself about the amount of sexual temptation that would exist in such a situation. It isn’t like you have a clear past record to point at in regards to sexual judgement calls if you had a son outside of marriage. At least personally I can acknowledge that letting a girlfriend sleepover is a major temptation and while nothing may happen the first several times the more habitual it becomes the more likely things are to slide into sleeping in the same room and then even further. It may be different for other people, but I doubt it is so different that NO temptation exists.


#6

[quote="llevert, post:1, topic:241648"]
Ok so my situation is a little dicey.

I have a 6 yd old son with an ex girlfriend who is a devote Catholic. For the record we were never married but that is not the issue. We split over 3 yrs ago and we have co-parented our beautiful son 50/50.

I have been dating a new girl for the past 2 years, who is wonderful and has met my son on a numerous occassions with no issues.

However, now as I become more serious with this girlfriend I would love for all of us to go on vacation or if need be allow her to sleepover the house in a seperate room. At all times, if a sleepover would be considered, she would be in a seperate room from me, no question asked.

So what's the issue. My devoted catholic ex-girlfriend is objecting to this saying this should not happen unless we are in a committed relationship. I explained to her i was, however unless we are engaged or living together she does not accept. She claims if we do this it is immoral and against the catholic teachings for which I did agree to raise my son.

Any advice on this one? Is my ex just using the catholic faith as an excuse to get what she wants (or doesnt in this case)?

[/quote]

If i understand you your present girl friend thinks that your exgirlfriend sleeping over is against the Church.No,not that I'm aware of.I think your girl friend is over reacting or she doesn't trust you.Im not quite clear though.You say your good Catholic girlfriend thinks you and her should be living together?


#7

I agree with what has been said, though I am a bit confused about your ex-girlfriend who is supposedly a devout Catholic. She seems to express that you shouldn't do this unless you're engaged or living together. This seems to be more of her concern about your son getting attached to a woman and then having his heart broken. It does not seem to have much to do with Catholic morality as living together prior to marriage is a sin.

You want to be a good witness to your son, and all that entails is living a good Catholic life. This means that you shouldn't be treating dating as a end, but rather only as a means to an end. You are not committed to any woman until you are married. Till then you're commitment should be to discern the possibility of marriage together. You should only date as long as it takes you to discern marriage and once you're engaged not remain in engagement limbo. Dating and engagements are just about striving to adequately prepare for a good marriage and nothing else. Strive not to blur the line between a girlfriend and a wife.


#8

Ok, I don't mean to be mean, but if your ex is a devout Catholic, how did she have a kid out of wed lock? Did having the kid result in her becoming a devout Catholic or do you just consider her more Catholic than you? The part about her wanting you to live with the new gal is not consistant with Catholic teaching.

In short, don't do it. until you marry some gal don't do the sleep over thing.


#9

I can't help but wonder, so I have to ask. Are you Catholic or are you a non Catholic who knocked up a Catholic gal who is no going 180 to the devout side cause you broke her heart and she has a kid. Cause if that is the case, I'm gonna tell ya right now, buddy you're in trouble. You are going to pay dearly for that orgasm for the rest of your life. She is not done getting back at you yet, no matter what she says. The new girlfriend is just the latest opportunity to make your life a living hell.

The only way you can beat her is to convert. Good luck and let's keep in in our pants now shall we Romeo.


#10

[quote="mexilad, post:8, topic:241648"]
Ok, I don't mean to be mean, but if your ex is a devout Catholic, how did she have a kid out of wed lock? Did having the kid result in her becoming a devout Catholic or do you just consider her more Catholic than you? The part about her wanting you to live with the new gal is not consistant with Catholic teaching.

In short, don't do it. until you marry some gal don't do the sleep over thing.

[/quote]

Being devout does not mean sinless! :rolleyes: Even Popes sin and go to confession regularly. Having a child is not a sin either. Let's be charitable and assume she confessed the fornication, resolved absolution, and is striving to live as a devout Catholic.

To the OP, do not have the woman sleep over. If you've been dating her for 2 years, time to make a decision - marry her or let her go. If you get married, THEN she can sleep over!:thumbsup:


#11

[quote="Catholic90, post:10, topic:241648"]
Being devout does not mean sinless! :rolleyes: Even Popes sin and go to confession regularly. Having a child is not a sin either. Let's be charitable and assume she confessed the fornication, resolved absolution, and is striving to live as a devout Catholic.

[/quote]

:amen:


#12

[quote="mexilad, post:9, topic:241648"]
I can't help but wonder, so I have to ask. Are you Catholic or are you a non Catholic who knocked up a Catholic gal who is no going 180 to the devout side cause you broke her heart and she has a kid. Cause if that is the case, I'm gonna tell ya right now, buddy you're in trouble. You are going to pay dearly for that orgasm for the rest of your life. She is not done getting back at you yet, no matter what she says. The new girlfriend is just the latest opportunity to make your life a living hell.

The only way you can beat her is to convert. Good luck and let's keep in in our pants now shall we Romeo.

[/quote]

This comment is rude and off-topic.

To the OP, I am in agreement with most of the posters here who said it's not a good idea. If she's a good mom to your son and you have worked together well in raising him so far, it would be best to be respectful and not upset that relationship- and she is right to be concerned. If it were my son, I would not want him sleeping at his dad's house with another woman around who wasn't his wife. It doesn't sound like she's using her faith to make excuses, it sounds like she's trying to be a good parent to your son by not exposing him to a situation that she hopes he'll someday avoid.

Not that I agree with this, but if you're going to go on vacation, go yourselves and leave your son out of it until you're married.


#13

You are already going to have to explain to him someday why his mommy and you weren't married when you had him. Are you aiming to have a half-sibling with the new GF to also explain? Come on, man, didn't you learn the first time? You created a child with this woman, who is now not your wife, and you still want to dally around and pick up another girlfriend to go on vacations with and have spend the night?

I guess you want your fun more than you care what your son sees you doing while growing up.

:mad:


#14

At the very least it is both scandalous, to your child in particular, and a near occasion of sin.

As to the first:
"But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea" 10 years from now, your son will look back on this and wonder about what was going on. If it was ok for daddy....

As to the second:
No one should assume they are above temptations of the flesh.


#15

sorry
no sleep-overs with adults of the opposite sex who are not your parents, siblings, or spouse. period.

specifically opposite sex friends whom you are dating--no sleepovers.


#16

Perhaps the best situation wuld be for OP to discern marrying the FIRST girlfriend--who is already the mother of his son.


#17

[quote="Mrs_Sally, post:16, topic:241648"]
Perhaps the best situation wuld be for OP to discern marrying the FIRST girlfriend--who is already the mother of his son.

[/quote]

Let's pray for them! :signofcross::gopray2:

He said "that's not the issue" but maybe it really IS The Main Issue.


#18

[quote="llevert, post:1, topic:241648"]
Ok so my situation is a little dicey.

I have a 6 yd old son with an ex girlfriend who is a devote Catholic. For the record we were never married but that is not the issue. We split over 3 yrs ago and we have co-parented our beautiful son 50/50.

I have been dating a new girl for the past 2 years, who is wonderful and has met my son on a numerous occassions with no issues.

However, now as I become more serious with this girlfriend I would love for all of us to go on vacation or if need be allow her to sleepover the house in a seperate room. At all times, if a sleepover would be considered, she would be in a seperate room from me, no question asked.

So what's the issue. My devoted catholic ex-girlfriend is objecting to this saying this should not happen unless we are in a committed relationship. I explained to her i was, however unless we are engaged or living together she does not accept. She claims if we do this it is immoral and against the catholic teachings for which I did agree to raise my son.

Any advice on this one? Is my ex just using the catholic faith as an excuse to get what she wants (or doesnt in this case)?

[/quote]

In my opinion, even if you are in separate rooms, it's still sinful in that it causes scandal. Your neighbors don't know you're in separate rooms. Also, you wouldn't be setting a very good example for your young son...even in separate rooms. Bad example. A good example would be to tell your son that "Miss Jane can't sleep over because we're not married". That would be a great example of respect and dignity that you could set for your son! Just remember, your son will treat women they way you treat women - not the way you WANT him to treat women. So if you want him to treat women with the utmost respect and be chivalrous (yes, women still prefer chivalry), then you must do the same.

Lastly, but not leastly, there is that pesky near-occasion-of-sin that we are supposed to be avoiding.


#19

This is the first thing that came to my mind when I read the original post.

Dear llevert,

You must be a very concerned father to come here and ask this question. God bless you! Whether or not you decide to sleep over or not I think you have something else to be concerned about. As your son spends time with your girlfriend, if she is a loving and kind person he will no doubt get attached to her. This is very natural! Unfortunately if you are not engaged/married there is always a better chance of break-up which could devastate your child…

Please be cautious introducing women into your child’s life unless you are really committed, meaning engaged or married. Of course nothing in life is certain and one could argue that many marriages end in divorce. Still, when I was single even though I loved children I refused to form a relationship and get attached to the men I dated that had children because of the risks.

Your son already has parents that are split up, please try and make sure that the next woman he meets in your life will be there forever. It will do much for his security and sense of well-being.

Hope this helps and I will pray for you.


#20

I think it wise to set the house rule now, when he is six, that you will expect of him when he is sixteen. It is wise for unmarried parents with teens or pre-teens to toe a rather strict line. "Do as I do" is far easier to enforce than "do as I say, not as I do."

No sleepovers, no vacationing alone together without a chaperone, and no time spent in a bedroom with the door closed. If you submit to the rule yourself, he can't complain when you expect it of him as a young man. Sorry, but a six-year old can only serve as a chaperone when he is actually awake.

You have one child with a woman you were not married to. Learn from your mistake, realize that you are not made of iron in these matters, and be rather strict with yourself. You'll thank yourself someday.

PS I know a fellow whose mother had several children, and all with different men to whom I would expect she was rather attached at the time. You know better now, so don't do that to another child of yours, OK?


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