Girlfriend staying overnight


#1

Hopefully this is in the right forum, please forgive if not.I live with three roomates all of whom are men. One in particular has a girlfriend, she is Catholic although not practicing, he is Methodist. She practically lives at our house, staying a lot. Am I obligated to say something when I rarely speak to her at all in the first place?
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for the advice and God bless.


#2

No, you shouldn’t say a thing. Trust me on this. There’s a chance you’ll plant a seed, but there’s a much better chance that you’ll just paint yourself as a religious freak.

I’m always confronted with these situations. The best you can do is remain silent, but not dour. If the conversation comes to a point where your opinion is asked, don’t preach. Just say something like “I don’t believe it’s right.” Again, trust me. In these situations less IS more.


#3

I think that you could speak to your house mate about the situation. It is really up to him to speak with his girlfriend about the situation. You didn’t say what your other friend thinks of the situation?


#4

I haven’t really spoken to my other 2 roomates about the situation.


#5

I’d make it an issue that doesnt make you sound like you’re making it into a moral issue. I’d say that she is invading your territory and you feel uncomfortable with a non-roommate staying over a lot. Because what he does in his bedroom is really none of your business. However, if she’s hanging out at the house, eating your food, changing the channel without asking, and complaining about how messy the place is, then she’s gotta get a reality check.


#6

I totally disagree that it’s none of your business what he does in his bedroom! The fact that you pay rent as well as he does gives you certain privileges in regard to the behavior that is acceptable in your house.

I think it would be okay to speak to your friend who has the girl staying over, but not to the girl herself. And I wouldn’t just approach it as an invading of space etc… If we all keep silent when something wrong is being done, then we are contributing to the decay of society. But broach the subject gently and in a nonconfrontational manner. Catching more bees with honey etc…

KellyEr


#7

[quote=montanaman]No, you shouldn’t say a thing. Trust me on this. There’s a chance you’ll plant a seed, but there’s a much better chance that you’ll just paint yourself as a religious freak.
.
[/quote]

I think it is better to be a religious freak and take Blessed Titus Brandsma advice (see below) than be silent. I do think that all three should get together without the girlfriend and put it all on the table.


#8

Thanks everyone for the good advice, it helps. I think what I will do is talk to my other roomates about it and get it out in the open.

Thanks and God bless.


#9

Sharing living space is an intimate situation. Because of this, things cannot go unspoken as a way to keep the peace. That is just denial. You ARE uncomfortable, and I think that is appropriate. Good grief!!! I would hate that. He needs to get his own place, or they do. Or you need to split the rent 5 ways instead of 4. If this is a concern of yours, you have to bring it up. You can use ‘I’ messages – “I feel …”, “I need …” – people cannot argue with how YOU feel. I bet if you talk to your roommates, you will find at least one of them in agreement with you, too. If they are all fine with it, you might consider getting a better living situation. I believe that by remaining silent, you are saying ‘this is ok with me.’


#10

It never fails… someone always wants to store the matches next to the gasoline… sounds pretty volitile to me… i recommend a safe distance… :thumbsup:


#11

I had the same situation actually. My roommate had her boyfriend over ALL THE TIME. Then when I came back home from Christmas vacation I saw that all his stuff was moved in. It took her like 2 weeks to actually tell me that he was living there from now on. Oh and by the way, he was an illegal immigrant from Peru. Now, according to my moral convictions a red flag went up screaming SIN. However, what she and he did in HER bedroom never came up because I would not want her to comment on any immoral behavior that I did or had done in the past. The would be the pot calling the kettle black.

I did end up moving out because my space was completely invaded. This was the only issue that came up between her and I. She owned the house and there was nothing I could do about it. The reason why I didnt bring up moral objections is because, as I said before, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Her immoral behavior was none of my business. For all I know, they could just be playing board games all night. What goes on behind closed doors is private.


#12

[quote=StratusRose]I had the same situation actually. My roommate had her boyfriend over ALL THE TIME. Then when I came back home from Christmas vacation I saw that all his stuff was moved in. It took her like 2 weeks to actually tell me that he was living there from now on. Oh and by the way, he was an illegal immigrant from Peru. Now, according to my moral convictions a red flag went up screaming SIN. However, what she and he did in HER bedroom never came up because I would not want her to comment on any immoral behavior that I did or had done in the past. The would be the pot calling the kettle black.

I did end up moving out because my space was completely invaded. This was the only issue that came up between her and I. She owned the house and there was nothing I could do about it. The reason why I didnt bring up moral objections is because, as I said before, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Her immoral behavior was none of my business. For all I know, they could just be playing board games all night. What goes on behind closed doors is private.
[/quote]

what do you mean by “my space was completely invaded” ?


#13

[quote=space ghost]what do you mean by “my space was completely invaded” ?
[/quote]

The house was really small, Id be bumping into them in the kitchen all the time while I was trying to get things ready in the morning. Then when I was trying to study, he’d have his family over and have huge parties with loud latino music. Then they’d chase each other around the house and have “relations” in random places OTHER than the bedroom. Then one time when my mom came up to visit, both of them were very rude to her. That’s what made me the most angry.


#14

“I couldn’t say anything because ’ let he who is without sin cast the first stone.’” I strongly disagree. We are Christ-bearers. We HAVE to speak the Truth, in love, whenever it is appropriate. Staying quiet is condoning the behavior, a ‘sin of omission.’ We are all broken, we have all sinned and we continue to sin. And to repent. None of us should speak out against sin??? It is your moral DUTY to name a sin a sin, as a Christian. To not speak out is to let sin win. That your roommate owned the house, of course that complicated the situation. You were just a guest, really. But in a situation where you have agreed to share an apartment, moving a girlfriend/boyfriend in is a total violation of the agreed-upon rules.

in my humble (and passionate) opinion.


#15

Oh, UCK. They’d have sex all over the house, anywhere?? That is SO boundary-violating, offensive, inappropriate. Add it to the “Roommates from Hell” tales.


#16

I’d say, if there wasn’t a specific rule mentioned at the beginning of your rental agreement, you really have no grounds to say anything. Maybe look for a roommate situation with more like-minded folks. Aren’t there any other Christians with higher standards somewhere out there??? :slight_smile:


#17

There are times when we are obliged to give fraternal correction and failing to do so can make us complicit in the sin. The conditions that oblige us to offer fraternal correction include grave matter and a reasonable expectation that the person being corrected will be receptive, or at least not driven away. If the effect will be to alienate further, than you are not obliged to offer (and may be better off not offering) fraternal correction. Here is where you want to exercise prudence but not cowardice!

Chris C.


#18

The solution is simple. Move out.

Then look for roommates who will agree to allow you to tell them what moral code to follow.


#19

Thanks a lot everyone. The problem is at the end of this July the lease is up and I didn’t give my roomates a notice to move out so basically i am stuck here for another year.


#20

[quote=WhiteDove]I’d say, if there wasn’t a specific rule mentioned at the beginning of your rental agreement, you really have no grounds to say anything. Maybe look for a roommate situation with more like-minded folks. Aren’t there any other Christians with higher standards somewhere out there??? :slight_smile:
[/quote]

WhiteDove, This is a major problem in society today…Live and let live philosophy. He should stand up and be “counted” !


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