So, my husband and I were discussing who we were going to give gifts to this year. This is our first Christmas as a married couple so we feel that whatever gifts we give are from us as a couple. We've decided this year to limit our gift giving to our parents and siblings (including their spouses). So basically one gift per couple: either to our parents, our siblings and their spouse, or individually our unmarried siblings.
Well, my brother is engaged and cohabitating with his fiance'. They've been very tempermental. Both individuals are very difficult not to offend. They have no date for their wedding set, and have refused to accept money for their wedding from my parents' because it came with the stipulation that they marry within the Catholic Church.
My husband feels that we should only give a Christmas gift addressed exclusively to my brother. He refuses to sign anything that would indicate that our gift is to the both of him. He dislikes both of them but is willing to put his feelings aside for his brother in law. However, he says he feels no obligation to include her in our gift giving as she is not yet family.
I know I still have a tendency to fear offending people, but feels that I frequently make myself open to be used by people in my attempts to please everyone. He feels that my brother's fiance' has already multiple times used this tendency of mine against me. Eventually I did recognize how she was manipulating me and I've decided to keep my boundaries with her very thick. The thing is, I still don't want to deal with the two of them gripping about us and going off on how they're not accepted. As is, I have no idea what to get my brother for Christmas that he would appreciate. He's never expressed appreciation for any gift I've given him, but has rather complained that its not exactly what he wants. I've decided this year to just send him a card with a little cash so that he can get what he wants. The problem is that the check and the card will specifically say just him and I feel will make it stick out even further that she's not included. Should I just not worry about it? I don't feel it'd be appropriate to add her name after my husband has signed the card as that would be deceiving him. He tells me he refuses to sign the card if I include her name on it. I do think its sort of petty and that putting her name on it would just be a form of keeping the peace, but he just doesn't want to go that route and keeps telling me that I need to stop worrying about what they think of me.