Giving the bride away


#1

Starting a new thread so do not hijack the one “asking the father”.

It’s about “giving the bride away” something I always felt was barbaric and demeaning to the bride treating her as if she was a possession and having the implication that she was no longer part of her birth family.

What I like is the bride and groom being welcomed into the others family and/or that celebtaring that two families are merging.

Depending on the couples/family beliefs this welcoming can take place during the wedding ceremony or at the reception afterwards.

What do other’s think especially about “giving the bride away” being obsolescent?


#2

there is no such thing in the Catholic rite for matrimony, so would have to discuss this on non-Catholic Religious forum


#3

Catholic brides simply are not given away. Their fathers might escort them down the aisle, but the Rite of Marriage calls for the bride and groom to walk in themselves after being greeted by the priest as the preferred method of procession.


#4

Our dd is getting married in 4 weeks!

She and her almost husband will walk down the isle together. I think it will be a lovely procession . . .

Servers, lectors, attendants, parents of the groom together, parents of the bride together, bride and groom together, and the priest and deacon processing in last.


#5

This has no place in Catholic theology. The bride and groom present themselves for marriage and give consent.


#6

Yeah, isn’t it just a traditional thing?

Besides, my mother AND father walked down the aisle with my sister on her wedding day.


#7

Just proves don’t rely on your memory - but after all the last Catholic wedding I went to was in the 1970’s!

I am all in favour of the parents (of both bride and groom) being involved in the marriage ceremony as it endorses that new family relationships are being formed.


#8

So one cannot be walked down the aisle by her father?


#9

A bride can choose to have her father escort her down the aisle, but he never gives her away. A bride can also choose to have both her parents escort her down the aisle, as can the groom. But Catholic brides and grooms come of their own free will to be married, and are never given away.


#10

To address the OP’s original post and opinion about fathers “giving away” brides… FEMINIST BULLHOCKEY!!

The bride is passing from the cherishing and protection of her father into the cherishing and protection of her husband. I personally think that is beautiful and not to be casually discarded.

I don’t see why some women are so determined to see men and traditions attached to them as definitively oppressive to women. I think that is people’s insecurities and inadequacies talking.


#11

hmm…I would have to agree with this…

Suddenly every beautiful tradition is demeaning to women.

Women of CAF, I say for once in your lives views yourselves as the treasures we men view (or should view) you as.

A father giving up his daughter is a difficult thing to do. He’s passing the torch of “Man of her life” to the husband. The husband is taking her as his own. To cherish and love forever.
The whole tradition of giving the bride away heralds to that deep respect for the priceless treasure that is the bride.


#12

I would want to walk down with my groom.

To me, marriage is a journey that a bride and groom make together. I see walking down the aisle as their first embarking on this journey. I also see that it shows the bride and groom freely taking this journey and making their steps into a new realm of adult life, the whole “leaving your parents, clinging to your spouse, the two become one flesh” thing. I don’t see why he has to wait for me at the altar. I’d probably be nervous and I’d want him by my side because it would show that, “we do this together.”


#13

Its up to the bride, though isn’t it?

I guess the priceless treasure gets to decide who goes where :smiley:


#14

Even if it were true that the bride is passing from the cherishing of her father the bride is not a possession to be passed on.

Also how many brides are in this situation, especially as many are older and lived away from home and supported themsleves for years.

What about brides whose father’s have been indifferent to them or abused them.

The bride and bridegrooms parents being part of the wedding party and walking down the aisle with the bride and groom is totally different and something beautiful, symbolising new family relationships.

My views do not come out of my insecurities and inadequacies but because because I consider I am adequate to make my own decisions and so are other women.

Also I came to this view before the second wave of feminism when after being at wedding I asked why the bride was “given away”. Whem Mum told me why I said "if I ever marry (I haven’t) Dad may walk me down the ailse but he cannot give me away. I later revised that to “you and Dad …”


#15

I think wanting to go down the aisle with whoever you want is fine…but sometimes the reasons for them can still be stupid.

The idea of giving the daughter away is a crude interpretation of what’s really going on.

I already mentioned what is going on…but let’s reiterate.

The bride is leaving her parents (Whether she has lived without them or not) who were her family her whole life…and going to her husband to make a new family.
I don’t know how you see this transition…But I saw it with my sister. She started her own family, and from then on she will refer to them as "her family"
My parents, my siblings and myself won’t be referred to in the same way anymore…ITs just not the same.

However, as I said before. Giving the daughter away is not like giving away a possession. Its like giving UP a daughter. that’s hard. Granted, she’s still THERE, but it will never be the same…trust me.

The act of giving the bride away is alos more like seeing her off. The father, who is the head of the household, sees her off. Though, I recall hearing our parish priest say that both the parents doing so would be more appropriate.

Making such a fuss over why the father and mother are walking her up the aisle is just pointless. You’ll see it how you see it and I’m sure nothing (not even the revelation that you are a priceless gift from God) will change your mind

BTW, Abusive parents may not even show up for the wedding…:shrug:


#16

there ain’t no such thing as “giving the bride away in catholic church”. Where did ya dig that up? Gotta link?? I see they did not learn you much at those catholic schools. Ain’t surprised.
Father Groschel (my spiritual hero …no bad words against him) says he would rather perform funerals than weddings. You knows the funeral is valid. You looks at the kids getting married and and you wonder if they are mature enough to consent to nothing. Sad situation…yep
But how can anybody give bride away when she is free and belongs to nobody. must be protestant or hindu talk…no catholic talk…


#17

With all due respect…You are wrong. And Father Grocshel is not talking about the Rite of Marriage, insofar as fathers “giving away” brides, when he says that. He is talking about free consent and impediments to a marriage, that might render the weding that happens not a marriage at all.

If you read the CCC, you would know:
**1662 **Marriage is based on the consent of the contracting parties, that is, on their will to give themselves, each to the other, mutually and definitively, in order to live a covenant of faithful and fruitful love.

1632 So that the “I do” of the spouses may be a** free and responsible act** and so that the marriage covenant may have solid and lasting human and Christian foundations, preparation for marriage is of prime importance.

**1625 **The parties to a marriage covenant are a baptized man and woman, free to contract marriage, **who freely express their consent; “to be free” means: ****- not being under constraint; **- not impeded by any natural or ecclesiastical law.

**1626 **The Church holds the exchange of consent between the spouses to be the indispensable element that "makes the marriage."125 If consent is lacking there is no marriage.

**1627 **The consent consists in a “human act by which the partners mutually give themselves to each other”: “I take you to be my wife” - "I take you to be my husband."126 This consent that binds the spouses to each other finds its fulfillment in the two "becoming one flesh."127

**1628 **The consent must be an act of the will of each of the contracting parties, free of coercion or grave external fear.128 No human power can substitute for this consent.129 If this freedom is lacking the marriage is invalid.

2230 When they become adults, children have the right and duty to choose their profession and state of life. They should assume their new responsibilities within a trusting relationship with their parents, willingly asking and receiving their advice and counsel. Parents should be careful not to exert pressure on their children either in the choice of a profession or in that of a spouse. This necessary restraint does not prevent them—quite the contrary—from giving their children judicious advice, particularly when they are planning to start a family.

2232 Family ties are important but not absolute. Just as the child grows to maturity and human and spiritual autonomy, so his unique vocation which comes from God asserts itself more clearly and forcefully. Parents should respect this call and encourage their children to follow it. They must be convinced that the first vocation of the Christian is to follow Jesus: "He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he who loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me."39

At no time does it ever say that the parents’ permission, particularly the father’s, is required.

If you read the Rite of Marriage, you would know:
(Ordo Celebrandi Matrimonium Intra Missam)

[FONT=Arial]19. At the appointed time, the Priest, vested for Mass, goes with the ministers to the door of the church or, if more suitable, to the altar. There he meets the bride and bridegroom in a friendly manner, showing that the Church shares their joy.
[FONT=Arial]Where it is desirable that the rite of welcome be omitted, the celebration of marriage begins at once with the Mass.[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman][FONT=Arial]20. If there is a procession to the altar, the ministers go first, followed by the priest, and then the bride and bridegroom. According to local custom, they may be escorted by at least their parents and the two witnesses. Meanwhile, the entrance song is sung.[/FONT][/FONT]

Statement of Intentions 24. The priest then questions them about their freedom of choice, faithfulness to each other, and the acceptance and upbringing of children:
N. and N., have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?
**Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives? **
The following question may be omitted if, for example, the couple is advanced in years.
**Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church? **
Each answers the questions separately.

Logically, you should see that Catholic brides come to marriage freely, of their own will, to give their own consent. There is no “Who gives this woman?” in the Catholic ceremony, as in the Anglican. And you may certainly ask Father Groecshel who will tell you the same. Fathers might or might not walk their daughters up the aisle, but there is no “giving away” of the bride.

There never has been. While fisheasters.com is not my favorite site, their links on the older versions of the various sacramental rites are accurate.


#18

In the Catholic Marriage Rite the bride and groom process together. Just like a Sunday Mass, there is a procession with a crucifer, priest, wedding party, bride & groom.

However, most priests will allow the option of the the father escorting the bride and meeting the groom at the front because it’s a “local custom” in this country. It’s NOT the way the Rite is written.


#19

Oh yeah, the Pope and Bishops are bigtime Feminists.

It has nothing to do with feminism and everything to do with the Catholic theology of marriage.

The bride and groom present themselves for marriage. There is no “giving away” of the bride in the Catholic Rite.

That, along with the promise to “obey” is “Church of England bullhockey” not “feminst bullhockey”.

It may be beautiful, but it’s completely untrue. And, you will not find such a sentiment in the Catholic Rite of Marriage.

It’s not a Catholic tradition. That is a figment of your imagination. And, I don’t believe anyone has made the argument that it is “oppressive to women” merely that it is “bad theology”.


#20

You know I agree with you here, 1ke. Perhaps they will read the Rite of Marriage, old and most recent, that I’ve posted.

It indeed has nothing to do with tradition with a small t, and it has nothing to do with trying to take away men’s roles. It has to do with the theology of marriage, period.


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