I have become a lazy fat selfish pig. I do things for my own pleasure and almost as a distraction to be with myself. I feel so unworthy of every second of every day that I cant just be at peace. I wonder if the distance that has grown between and the Lord has resulted in me trying to do it my own way. Do we try to fill our emptiness?
Self-loathing is exactly what the Enemy wants from us. Based on your reference to filling emptiness, it sounds to me like you may be suffering from depression and/or anxiety. Head to confession, and ask if your priest knows of a good therapist where you can have a heart-to-heart. Or check here: https://www.catholictherapists.com/ God bless!
I recommend reading Intro to the Devout life by St. Francis de Sales.
You’re exactly right. You will feel unworthy, never at peace. The things you do totally separate you from God. But guess what…
…go to Confession. Not only will you pour out these thoughts and feelings to Christ who is there in the Confessional hidden by the priest, but he will totally 100000% heal you and welcome you back with the greatest love and inner peace you will ever find. Say a Chaplet to St. Michael afterwards, and when you go to Mass, there will be an angel from each of the nine choirs that escorts you to the altar and is there when you receive the Eucharist.
Don’t be afraid of Confession, go and dialogue with the priest.
Have you and your family been attending mass regularly? There is a saying:
If you feel far from God, who moved? Its never God that moves away from us.
You cannot have a good relationship with him if you do not spend any time with him.
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