Question 2: if i person is married and it happens that after a while for some reason or another, his/her partner changed dramatically. He/She is not the same person he/she used to be when married. For example lets say the man turned to be uncontrollable and violent against his wife( and maybe kids) or maybe the wife was a big liar or such; Why would God refuse divorce? and if divorce happens, wouldn't it be just for each to look for a second chance to find another partner? Why have Jesus considered it adulterous. What if the marriage lasted a very short period, should the divorced stay single their whole lives?
Ultimately, we don't know why God would forbid divorce in such circumstances. We can speculate, but we don't know as that has not been revealed to us. We are, however, to simply trust that God knows and that we should accept it as we are his creations, not his master. God said to Isiah that, "Your ways are not My ways, and My ways are not your ways. As high are my ways above your ways as are the heavens are above the Earth." Knowing what we do about modern cosmology and how far the stars are from the Earth, that is really pretty mind boggling. Ultimately, we have to trust - i.e., have faith.
Remember, marriage is not just about you and your spouse. It has profound meaning and implications beyond that. Also remember that love is not just about warm fuzzies. Jesus' death on the Cross is the supreme act of love, but we know he wasn't feeling warm fuzzies while he was tortured and executed.
In view of the above, I will try to speculate to answer your questions.
**Sub-question 1: Why would God refuse divorce? **Speculation 1: Perhaps because God knows that marriage is extremely difficult, and that husband and wife are intended to help each other when the going gets horribly rough.
Speculation 2: Marriage is a reflection of the **total ** committment that God wants us to give Him. God gave himself totally and utterly in the life and death of Jesus, and he wants us to know what that means in marriage.
Speculation 3: Marriage is also about producing children. The harmful effects of divorce on children are irrefutably and extremely well documented. It is better for kids to be in a family with an unhappy marriage than a broken home.
I'm sure others could come up with more and better speculations.
Sub-question 2: The justice of finding another partner. You have *assumed *that it is just to find another partner. God, through Jesus, has told us it is not just. Therefore, by definition, finding another partner is not just. You can try to seek understanding (faith seeking understanding) but don't assume you know better than God. That way lies madness and death.
Of course, that begs the question. To us, it seems unjust for an adulterous partner to leave a spouse and leave him/her unable to seek comfort in a marriage relationship. Well, it IS unjust. However, justice is not satisfied by seeking another relationship and essentially committing the same crime as the first partner. God will exact that justice. It is for us to follow the example of Jesus by uniting our sufferings to his Cross for the salvation of sinners, particularly the offending spouse.
This whole situation leads into the nature of suffering. Why does God tolerate suffering and evil, particularly moral evil? Free choice. God has given us the dignity of choosing Him or choosing against Him. To make the choice meaningful we really can go out and do terrible things to each other.
Jesus' answer to our own sinfulness was not to wipe out suffering, *but to join with us in suffering, * even to the most horrible suffering we humans could conceive of inflicting - the Cross.
So, the answer to adultery and a whole lifetime of suffering of a wronged partner is to turn to God with all our heart and join our suffering to His. In doing so we enter into the mystery of the Cross and will attain happiness that we couldn't even conceive of by living a regular life.
OK, so what about some of the worst cases, like spousal abuse? Other really terrible cases come to mind.
Nothing prevents a couple from separating - for grave cause. A "legal" divorce (in an American court, for example) would be a mere separation in the eyes of the Church. There is no reason to allow someone to keep beating you, or worse. However, the secular divorce has no effect on the fact that the couple is still married in the eyes of God. See above for the issue of the resulting suffering of the wronged spouse.
Briefly on annullments. The Church, in her mercy, recognizes that not all marriages are valid. If a marriage is not valid, then there is nothing to divorce. Anullment is NOT a "Catholic divorce," - it is a finding that the marriage never existed in the Eyes of God in the first place. If the Church finds that the marriage was not valid, then that person may rely on the very same authority the Church has to bind and loose and state unequivocally that he/she was never married - and therefore is free to marry. Many marriages that end in secular divorce are also annulled; so that is the path the aggrieve spouse may take.
By the way, I am not just talking the talk here. I have lived it. I have been divorced and have received an annullment. I was about your age at the time. I had all of your thoughts, I know them intimiately. This stuff is NOT JUST A THOUGHT EXPERIMENT FOR ME. It's real.
I am currently in a difficult marriage that sometimes causes me a lot of terrible emotional pain. However, because my marriage is presumptively valid, I choose to live my life according to the principles laid out above - God's principles.
I will pray for you. If you have more questions, ask me here or with a private message.