Godparent advice - please help!


#1

My wife and I just baptized our first child yesterday. We’ve been trying for years to have a baby and we were finally blessed!

When choosing a Godparent we looked for someone who was really faithful to the church and lived their lives accordingly. My older (and only) brother stopped going to church years ago and supports many things I consider anti-Catholic (i.e. abortion, gay marriage).

I didn’t pick him, even though it was hard to make that decision. I picked my friend from school who is as hardcore with the faith as we are.

I heard from my brother today that I’m no longer welcome at his home and I’m essentially disowned by him. I know I picked the right Godparent for my son, but what can I do to get my brother back? Anyone dealt with this before?

Feel free to email me at mattpince@yahoo.com

Thanks!


#2

None of my godparents or my sisters were our relatives. It is not necessary. Also, you can have more than one Godparent.
If your brother is that nasty then there is not much you can do. Simply explain to him that he is your childs uncle - he has a significant role in your childs life. You wanted your child to have an uncle AND a godparent. Tell him it is not a judgment on his ability to be a godparent - even if this is not completely true. Do NOT tell him it is because he dissents from church teaching - this will achieve nothing. Just assure him that you want your child to have him in his life and it would be sad if that couldn’t happen.

P.S. One of my godmothers later became an Anglican priest(ess)! This is very against my parents views and I knew that as a child. I also knew that though we disagreed with her we loved her and she is a wonderful godparent to me.


#3

God Bless you for having the courage to make that decision. I didn’t choose wiely when it came to my firstborn, and now I wish I had gone against what my parents wished. I liked what the other poster said and I think it has alot of merit. Obviously, if your brother reacted this way, he probably isn’t the man for the job of godparent.


#4

Thanks for the advice. Now, can anyone tell me how to call my brother? Deep down I don’t think I should have to. He’s the one who told me I was no longer welcome at his home, and he’s the one who is completely over-reacting.

But there’s a small part of me that says no matter how hard it is for you, and even though you’ll be insulted and get yelled at, you should still call him and try to iron things out.

But I haven’t done anything wrong! That’s what bugs me the most about this.

So…how 'bout it. Any advice?


#5

I think your brothers reaction speaks volumes. You made the right choice .Hopefully this will cause him to examine himself and maybe make some changes in his life as far as what he believes in ect. Maybe he will start to go to Church and become a better catholic and perhaps your next child could have him as a Godfather.(I know its farfecthed, but one can hope and pray for people to change) In the meantime you can only be the best brother you can from a distance and take care of your new bundle of joy.Congratulations:blessyou:


#6

PS, time heals all wounds > Give him some time to cool down and then try to call him about it. You may have to swallow your pride a little since you really didnt do anything wrong. Your brothers love is probably worth that,I wish I had a brother to have problems like this with(I’ve got 4 sisters-Youch).:slight_smile:


#7

Just continue on with him the same as you always have - keep loving him.


#8

Our parish requires a letter from the parish that the God parents attend to verify that they are practicing Catholics. Godparents are required to be practicing Catholics.

Could you just tell him that you would have liked to have chosen him, but the church requires practicing Catholics? Tell him you hope that he will return to the faith so he would be a candidate for the future siblings. Maybe he’d be inspired!


#9

Thanks to you all for your great advice. I feel really lonely in this whole matter, though I know everyone but my brother agrees with my decision. I just hope my prayers for him to “wise up” will be heard.

God bless all of you for your help!
matt:D


#10

Give him some time to lick his wounds. Maybe you could call him and say something to him like “I know you said that I am not welcome in your home, but I really miss you, so I would like to have you over to my house. You are my brother and I value our relationship. You are also my child’s uncle, and I want him (or her) to love and value you like I do.”

I think you made the right choice for your child. Obviously your brother was hurt. That is unfortunate. Just understand that it is when we are hurting that we can be most hurtful.


#11

As one who teaches baptismal prep classes…I think many times, people assume that a godparent has some legal connection to a child in the event that the parent dies. We remind them that this is not so. In order for a godparent to be declared a guardian to the child in the event of the parent’s death, there has to be a legal document like a will that names a guardian.

Perhaps, your brother is under this assumption and believes that you are not being loyal to the family. However, his reaction to exclude you entirely from his life is clearly indicative of how skewed his thinking is at this time. Perhaps, someone is even harboring this notion to him. Time and space and what the previous advice was…along with lots of prayer may be just the remedy you need to heal this wound.
Choosing a godparent by whom is the most faith filled is the best choice. Put everything in God’s able hands and trust that the decision you have made was in the best interest of your child.
Congratulations on the birth of your child. You have been rightly blessed!


#12

[quote=mattyp]Thanks for the advice. Now, can anyone tell me how to call my brother? Deep down I don’t think I should have to. He’s the one who told me I was no longer welcome at his home, and he’s the one who is completely over-reacting.

But there’s a small part of me that says no matter how hard it is for you, and even though you’ll be insulted and get yelled at, you should still call him and try to iron things out.

But I haven’t done anything wrong! That’s what bugs me the most about this.

So…how 'bout it. Any advice?
[/quote]

Not having the support of family is hard. Especially for something as important as that. I know. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. You should just wait it out. He’ll get that you are standing behind your choice and will respect it. Just give him time. Let him make the first move. He’ll miss you and come around.
Peace,
Myrna


closed #13

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