I've never had this before, but for some reason I feel completely unable to practice any virtue. I feel like everything I do is flawed if not sinful. I'm feeling afraid I won't get to Heaven because I dont live out my faith as I should and sin all the time. At times like this.. is it right to just depend on God's mercy? I feel that is really my only hope. Does anyone else feel this way too, or has felt this in the past? if so, what did you do? Ever since I became a Catholic, I've known that I'm a sinner, but I've trusted in His mercy and my failings didn't bother me as much as they do now. I can't tell if I'm being distrustful or if God is just calling me to greater holiness. It's so strange, I can't even describe adequately how I feel. I want to do more for God and yet I feel unable to. I also feel unable to love Him and that's really distressing!
does anyone have any insight?
I want to speak with a priest but I won't be able to find one till Saturday.. so it will be a long week for me.
There is actually a joke about this but I couldn’t find it just now. The guy lists all the sins he avoided and how proud he was and it ends, “OK, time to wake up!”
I have come to the conclusion that there is absolutely NOTHING we can do that doesn’t have some smidgin or plank of selfishness in it. All is mixed motives. Sometimes I think part of humility is just accepting that and though doing our best, let it go.
“Keep well to the grace of the moment… do your best and leave the rest to God.” St. Elizabeth Ann Seton.
And even better: *“As far as thinking of our sins during prayer, this we must never do. A simple humbling of our soul before God as regards to all our offense, without thought of this one or that, is enough. Most of the time, such thoughts only act as distractions.” * St. Jane Frances de Chantal
I do not know a whole lot, but I see you had 5 very important points in your post.
#1 - I believe we will never do anything enough to deserve Heaven, but we should try our best with God’s graces. God loves a humble and contrite heart and He wants you to be with Him forever.
#2 - yes, it is God’s mercy and love that He created us and especially this Advent we focus on the first coming of Christ and also His second coming. There are free book during this Advent season that you could use to meditate before Christmas.
#3- perhaps, both - God is always ready to forgive us but it is us who are so hard on ourselves - perhaps …it is rooted in our pride that we focus on our flaws than on mercy of God or we have not yet fully experienced/accepted His love.
It also may be because the more you are closer to Him, the more you are sensitive to sins and that you do not want to hurt God. You are more conscious about your thoughts and actions - it is a good thing.
#4- God has plans for you; just ask Him and He’ll lead you to it. Sometimes, we want to do or to run “faster than the grace of God”. Maybe, you could simply ask God what He wants you to do. Praying with the Scriptures or visiting Him in the Blessed Sacraments will help you a lot … doing what you could and that is what pleasing to God.
#5- I would say that if You want to Love Him, then you could ask Him His Love to be in Your Heart. This takes a life time and His love will build up in your heart…when asking for His Love, He might surprise you by asking you to love your neighbors
Our Blessed Virgin Mary can lead you to Jesus. I remember Mother Teresa asked Mother Mary to have her heart near Mother Mary’s heart.
Monica, please say a little prayer for me. I do the same for you.
Thanks and God bless you!