I have the same problem, in a sense…
I would LOVE to study the Bible in original languages and come to my own conclusion as to their true interpretations, as my faith has been tripped up from (as I have learned) bad interpretations. One little word can make so big a difference! Since there is a coming a time when everything will be tested, I don’t want to be holding onto false beliefs based on bad interpretations of Greek, but… I have bills that are coming to me from having gone to a cooking school, Le Cordon Bleu, in Miami, where I live, as per the advice of a minister, which information (cooking) I truly was confused as to why God would lead me to learn, since I hated almost everything they taught me - but, thinking that God had led the person when he spoke to me, I was confused (I am very health-conscious). I do not believe in eating inordinately pleasureful food; only correct food, since everything is to be worship to God in Spirit and truth, we should consume what we know to be good - and self-control our will and desires to do this as worship to God with this choice. Am I wrong?
So, since I have these bills coming to me, I have to work, (I feel a distracting pressure on myself) whereas I would prefer to just pay attention to understanding my faith - and once a sturdy foundation is in place, destroying disobedience through the dissemination of His true reality, only, in submission to Jesus Christ.
Currently, from the pressures and “lawful” (but tormenting) pleasure of the world, at times, I forget concepts… but I feel more hopeful now that I am fellowshiping with so great a multitude of praying saints… I already sense the grace of God whispering soul-freeing truths to me, thanks and praise to God alone. :o
What do I do with myself? Trust…? I do not want to follow lusts of the mind… knowledge, etc., but despite this, I fall into it at times - I just don’t want to confuse myself by telling myself that it is from God… which I had done in the past… I want to clearly distinguish error from the true pathway to the Eternal Kingdom; I want peace. Thank God. Thank you, too, ministers, for feeding the lambs of Christ.