God's Will, humans making poor choices?


I’ve been doing a ton of praying from my husband. I’m praying that he’ll come to his senses and realize leaving us (wife (of 16years) and three teens) isn’t what he should be doing, just because he can’t seem to know what makes him happy right now.

At the same time, though, I’m praying that I’ll accept God’s will in all of this. But wouldn’t God’s will be that a husband not leave his family? I know human’s were given free will to make choices on there own… I guess this is where I get totally confused. Can some one explain this to me??

I’m slowly realizing things about my dh, yes he’s a terrible grump a lot of the time… and he makes me on edge. If traffics bad I feel awful… if a babies crying during the movie I get knotted up about it. I know I should be responsible for the way I feel, but how can I not be affected when the one I love is reacting the way he is?

I love him so much. He isn’t happy. He comes and goes if and when he wants. I am trying to be ever so careful of what I say or do for fear is will push him farther away or faster away.

I just don’t know what the right thing to do is… let him go, fight for him… this is so hard!!


you cannot fight for someone unless they themselves want it…

during my struggle for my marriage and then the separation, one thing I did realise was that I could not make him happy!.. he either wanted to be happy or not! just like you want to be happy which is the reason why even when he is grumpy and irritable, you put a smile on your face and try to make things work!
I did the same throughout my marriage, but nothing made him happy… although the same things would have made another man very happy and peaceful!

The joy has to come from within… one of my friends told me these words of wisdom about marriage

“You have to want it more than anything else in the world”

I totally believe in that as there will always be things in this life that will pull you away from God and subsequently from your marriage…

Free will is given by God so that we can choose to love HIM freely… however, it is misused by some!
Believe in HIM and let things take their course… sometimes, people like your husband have to hit rock bottom before they realise what they have lost!! Keep praying for strength for HE never gives you more than you can handle… and remember, HE is always holding you in the palm of HIS hand!


I used to struggle with the idea of God’s Will and free will…how could someone chosing to do wrong be God’s Will? However, I am learning the truth of the axiom “Nothing happens in God’s universe by mistake”. I must trust, and I must remember that from all evil comes great good.

While I understand what you say about being affected, in some way, by the feelings and emotions experienced by those we love I think it is really important for me to recognize when I am being empathetic and when I am being brow-beaten into submission by someone else’s negativity. I don’t always recognize the difference, but I am getting better at it as I let go of my need to control the emotions around me. If I can only be happy if everyone else is happy, I am in trouble.


People don’t have to choose to do God’s will. I don’t think God’s will is for a husband to leave his family. But God never takes away our free will, because that’s what makes us human.

It’s a mystery. —KCT


I say, if he wants to go … show him the door. One thing is for sure, YOU can’t make him happy. Living your life feeling knotted up inside and walking on eggshells is a horrible way to live and will lead you to depression and self hatred, because you will always not be “good enough” to make him happy. Let him go.

How fruitful has your walk with Christ been, while sweating over every little nuance of your hubby’s selfish and immature behavior?

Let him go. Put him in God’s hands.

My dh used to say that to me, and I always responded, “Then go … if you don’t want to be here, then go.” But he never went to my dismay.:frowning: He stayed and made sure EVERYONE was as unhappy as he was. I finally got sick of trying to provide a safe and peaceful environment for myself and my children in the light of such hostility and left HIM.

Best thing I ever did. He did hit rock bottom then and has since turned his life around. He often says he NEVER would have changed if I hadn’t left him.

I do have to say, I didn’t leave him hoping he would change. I left him to give myself and my children a chance to have a fruitful Christ-centered life.

No one was as surprised as me that we would have another opportunity to serve Christ through our marriage. I’ve still got my eye on him though.:wink:

God doesn’t force us to be with Him, and neither should you force him to be with you. Let him go and make his stupid mistakes. God will take care of you and yours.

God bless.


I have a hard time with the “it’s God’s Will” thing too. This is the way I’ve (sort of) made sense of it for myself:

God wills us to always choose right. If we were to always do his will, then a certain course of events would happen that would eventually lead us to Heaven with Him - a very straight path. However, since we have free will, the first time we choose to sin, God has a “plan B” available. In other words, after having made a bad choice (or being a victim of someone elses bad choice), there is still a way for us to follow God’s Will from that point on and end up where he wants us. Seeing as we humans are constantly making bad choices and sinning, there is a “plan C” and a “plan D” etc… The point being that there is a way from every bad situation to still have good come of it. No matter how many times a person deviates from God’s Will, there is always still a way to return to God, to have there be a good end. Our path may be very very crooked, but it can still go in the direction of Heaven, because God is constantly giving us another way to turn in the right direction.

So for me, it is difficult to say “This is God’s Will”, because I’m sure he had a much better original way. But I also think that because God knows what we will do ahead of time, he already knows what path our life will take - he knows all of the deviations from his path, and all of the ways that we can get back in the right direction. And since that is reality, rather than the original straight path that God must prefer, that is THE PLAN. Theologically speaking, this idea of mine probably has some holes. But it is how I am able to see God’s hand in my life and the lives of others even when some of our actions are very obviously not according to His Will.

So for your situation, maybe it is not so much to think that God wants your dh to leave. But if it were to happen, God has a “plan B” for your family - a way for you to reach Heaven, even if the path becomes more crooked before you get there. It’s a matter of you doing your best to recognize His will for you in each new situation presented, and following it as best you can. The thing is though, each person has their own path, their own responsibility for following God’s Will. So if your dh repeatedly chooses to NOT follow God’s will, that doesn’t mean that you can’t get closer and closer to God even though dh’s bad choices will affect you.

God Bless.


You should definitely get

Explore Theresa Drake



God NEVER wants anyone to commit sin…EVER.

God can take horrible situations and somehow, someway bring good out of them…but God never wants anyone to commit sin. I will pray for you, it sounds like you are in so much pain. You are probably in need of more moral support than a theology discussion at this point…I just wanted to reassure you that it is never God’s will that someone commits a sin.


Thank you for the encouraging posts.

A few days ago I told him that I felt at peace with whatever it is he decides to do. I deeply love him. He “says” he doesn’t love me, but to tell the truth I feel loved by him. Talk about strange huh?! Yeah I know, I might be numb or wearin’ blinders, but it is how I’m feeling most of the time.

I asked yesterday what his “plans” were… not that I’m hurrying him out of the house, I’d much rather him say he made a mistake, changed his mind and was staying here… anyway, he doesn’t know what he’s going to do yet. Well good for us then, we have him until he decides.

Please continue praying for us. I am doing ok, and I realize there are others out there in much worse circumstances.



DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.