Going on an on-line dating service and need advice


#1

I am going on a Catholic on-line dating service, but I need to know if it would be deceptive not to mention up front that I have a disabled son. He will never be capable of living alone.
I have tried this before and have found that when I mention I have a disabled son, nobody responds to my profile. When I delete the fact that I have a disabled son, I usually start getting responses, but then I feel dishonest and mention it again. What do you think?


#2

If it was me I would choose to leave it posted. Be patient. God will bring the right man to you, even if it does take some time.


#3

I would only mention on your profile that you have a son. This is the kind of a thing that would come up in the normal course of conversation in getting to know someone in particular. Someone can invest in a few emails or perhaps a date before they start getting to know all of the details about you and your family.


#4

I agree, your son's disability isn't something you should have to put out there right away.


#5

You should mention it. You will not get dates from men who will only lose interest and waste your precious time when they learn the truth.


#6

I would leave it as is since it may be a dealbreaker for some women. It won’t be a problem for the woman you’re looking for–and I hope you find her soon! Just curious but are you writing to women or are you expecting them to contact you first? I met my DH on AMS but he had to write to me first! I preferred having the guys write to me. :slight_smile:

Good luck!

KG


#7

I think the screen name says the OP is a she.


#8

[quote="agapewolf, post:7, topic:199203"]
I think the screen name says the OP is a she.

[/quote]

oops! :o That's what happens when I cut back on coffee. Sorry OP. :)

This is what I should have said:

I would leave it as is since it may be a dealbreaker for some men. It won't be a problem for the man you're looking for--and I hope you find him soon! :)


#9

Here’s the deal though, men may skip to the next profile without even taking the opportunity to know me. I think that my son is a great kid and most men would like him even though he is mentally disabled and has scoliosis and eating difficulties.


#10

I agree with the posters who suggested disclosing upfront that you are the mother of a wonderful son, and then after you've acquainted yourself with a man for a short while & have a little friendship going, more details about your son would naturally come up anyway.


#11

I don't think you should list that your son is disabled. I mean, would you mention if he were a different race? His disability is just a part of who he is. It doesn't make him any less of a person. Allow someone to get to know you first. It may allow some men to grow in that they will learn to not have prejudice against disabilities. (meaning they may have skipped by your profile once they saw you had a disabled son, but if you didn't put it up there and they got to know you perhaps they will learn that what they used to think about disabilities wasn't true)


#12

I would leave it out. There is such a stigma against the disabled right now, most men would not consider it, however, given the chance to get to know you first and then meet your son will ease them into the idea and hopefully change the right mind.


#13

[quote="Galnextdoor, post:1, topic:199203"]
I am going on a Catholic on-line dating service, but I need to know if it would be deceptive not to mention up front that I have a disabled son. He will never be capable of living alone.
I have tried this before and have found that when I mention I have a disabled son, nobody responds to my profile. When I delete the fact that I have a disabled son, I usually start getting responses, but then I feel dishonest and mention it again. What do you think?

[/quote]

I don't think you have to mention it up front. You're not putting your son on a dating site to meet men, you're putting yourself up there.

Once you get to know a man, and get to talking about personal issues then you have to mention your son.

Everyone has personal information by the way, and it's not normal or appropriate to advertise it or talk about it on the first date. It's something people get into naturally after they know each other for some time.

When you're out in the world and a man approaches you for your number, do you write you r number and right away write down that you have a disabled son? No, you don't. It's not deceptive not to do this either. It would be deceptive if you kept it from a man once you become serious, but not when you're just getting to know each other.


#14

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