I just finished reading a thread started by 4EverHis, that made me want to get opinions from you all. I have been going through a VERY tough time lately (for about the last year or more). I decided that my spiritual life needed some working on, so I started attending mass more regularly (was more of a Easter/Christmas catholic than a regularly practicing attendee). When my father was sick and in the hospital I really felt the pull to start attending mass on a regular basis. This was hard as I was out of town every weekend (at the hospital with my Mom and Dad). This found me trying to attend mass at an unfamiliar church, with unfamiliar mass times, in a parish many times bigger than my local parish, etc. The first couple times I tried to attend mass at this church, I actually drove around the church several times without realizing it. I went back to my sister’s house (she does not attend church) crying because I could not find the church…and it is a huge landmark!!! One day I finally decided to find the church on a day other than Sunday a half hour before mass started. I found the church easily. The next morning when I left to attend mass…again, I got turned around and when I finally located the church, and found parking I was too late to enter for that mass, and would have had to sit for 2 hours until the next mass…so I went home frustrated again…Finally after several attempts I was able to get the kinks worked out and actually made it to mass on time several weeks in a row!!! After my Dad’s death, I was again able to attend mass at my local parish. I then felt “drawn” to attend mass not only on Sunday, but to attend the only late afternoon weekday mass our parish offers; therefore going to mass twice a week, even though at this time I am unable to receive communion (a whole other story). Before I started attending mass twice a week, my husband had finally found gainful employment after a long bout of unemployment, I am only working part-time. Shortly after I started attending the weekday mass, my husband’s employer just decided that they could no longer afford to pay his salary so without any word to my husband (he was an “outside” salesman) the company just stopped paying him, leaving us once again having only my small income to live off. Daily I am tempted by the worry, panic attacks, and doubts that plague me…how will we pay the rent, utilities, buy food, etc. My husband says be patient and trust God to see us through (my husband used to attend mass regularly, but has lapsed lately, yet his faith is STILL bigger than mine). I just can’t understand why the more I try to build my relationship and strengthen my faith, the more I am assaulted with these horrible feelings. People keep telling me to read the story of Job, etc., but to tell you the truth I am finding myself pulling back rather than marching forward…I don’t know if my psyche can handle any more! If my floundering faith is tested any further, I don’t think I am strong enough to survive it…if I were to be like Job and lose my entire family, I don’t know if I could handle it…already I make my 17-year-old daughter call when she gets to school (less than 5 miles away in a very small community), call before she heads home from school and call when she gets home…I’m that worried that something will happen to her…if my husband is 5 minutes later coming home than I think he should be, I am panicking…it’s absurd behavior and I know it, but I can’t prevent it. My marriage is suffering, my daughter is really rebelling against the smothering, and I can’t stop myself. I find myself now doing the same thing with my mother. She has to call me when she leaves my sister’s house (3 hours away) and comes to see me…and she has gotten to the point she calls me as she passes each town in between, so I’m not calling her when she is busy driving!!! I feel like I’m going insane, I doubt every decision I make, actually I’m to the point of not being able to make a decision…When I told my husband I felt like attending Adoration, he told me that some “new” Christians are scared by the experience because sometimes the more you try to deepen your spirituality the worse the attacks become…of course, I decided to wait a while before attempting Adoration, as I don’t think I can handle any more of a test of my already waning faith. I have prayed about how broken my spirit is, how weak my faith is becoming, and still nothing. I feel like I am in battle by myself, and don’t have the resources to withstand many more attacks. Maybe, I’m just not praying the right words or with the right amount of humility in my heart, I don’t know, but I am at the end of my rope, with not enough rope left to tie a knot to hang on to…
You should be using paragraphs, that was difficult to read.
The goal with you here, focus on everything you can be involved with, with the church, focus on your bible studies, focus on prayer, and do so weather or not things are going well for you or have turned badly. If you can do this, you will find the attacks to diminish, but will then spring up from another angle eventually. It’s that beeing utterly non derrailed no matter what happens, and never, I mean never hold back anything being afraid of being attacked again or the evil one has one.
Keep saying to yourself, he that is in me is greater then he that is in the world, that you fight from victory, not defeat and know that God will carry you through these hard times. I have my own struggles, believe me, and literally, was given notice two days ago I have to find yet another new place to live and work out of, this is the 5th time this year to give you an idea of how hectic this year has been.
I was worrying at first, but now, I have faith that God will deliver me from the current situation, just as he will you, and that he has something better in store for us. We must trust in him and his ways to see us through and that even though we don’t know how, he does and that is all that matters.
Go back to church (more often if you can), do adoration, do everything you feel pulled to do within it and put all of your worries at the foot of the cross.
God bless and God’s speed.
I would encourage you to continue to attend Mass as much as possible. I would suggest that you start to pray the rosary daily … as a family if possible. I realize that you may face some rejection or uncooperativeness from your family. If so, just do this on your own and do it so that they will see you. They may become more cooperative at some point. Be sure that as we try to bring ourselves closer to God the devil will attack us, we just need to realize that all we need to do is to call on God and ask for His protection. If you have Adoration of The Eucharist available in your parish or town, I would recommend that you bring your prayers to Jesus … He will answer your prayers, but it will be in His time, not yours. Also remember that when you are in your darkest moments, Jesus is there with you helping you to carry the cross that you have. Keep the faith!
Hi! I pm’d you
Hi Kristina, (I’m 4EverHis, this is my old account that I just went back to :))
I’m sorry you’re struggling too!! :hug1:
something you said in your post really made me think…
I just can’t understand why the more I try to build my relationship and strengthen my faith, the more I am assaulted with these horrible feelings.
I think sometimes that’s how it happens. For example…one day, I told God that I really want to be more patient and asked for His help. And then half an hour later, something happened that REALLY tested my patience. It frustrated me cause I just asked God to make me patient, and here I was struggling again! I think maybe that is how He teaches us. He knows I’d never learn patience unless I learn to choose it over temptation… in spite of what I feel.
He also knows that we’d never learn faith if we don’t learn to trust Him in difficult times. Anyone can believe when it’s easy and things are going well. But God wants us to have a strong faith so nothing would shake it and we’ll persevere in the end He has our best interests in mind.
I don’t know why you’re going through all this, but just try to trust in God’s goodness, and remember He already knows everything… He already knows the future… whatever it will be. And in any situation, He’ll be there to take care of you and your family. I know what it’s like to constantly worry about “what ifs”, but it really doesn’t help cause most (if not all) of them never even happen!
Remember the passage in the Bible…
25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life**?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
I know it must be very difficult but don’t give up…
after I posted my thread and read the replies, I decided to take the advice and just TRUST God… and after I did this, I found that my worries and doubts went away! it is distrust that distances us from God, and makes us more vulnerable to attacks of the enemy…
and even though some of my problems didn’t go away, now I have more strength to deal with them.
“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength”
“pray, hope, and don’t worry. worry is useless. God is merciful and will hear your prayer” St Padre Pio
Trust in Jesus and pray because you trust in Him