Going to a gay bar


#1

I'm a straight female, and my gay best friend, who I met through church, actually, wants to take me out for my 21st birthday...to his favorite gay bar. I'm not sure how to react to this, on the one hand, it sounds like fun because we'd be going on Showtunes night, on the other hand, I'm not sure if my going seems like it is affirming his lifestyle.

Any thoughts?


#2

First off, I am not trying to direct you away from this person if you actually like them. However, I do not think it would be the best idea to go with him a gay bar. Perhaps you could suggest another, more morally correct location.

I hope this helps:signofcross:


#3

I went to a gay dance club once- it was fun, but I felt as though I was misrepresenting myself to everyone there, especially because I was with a gay friend. :confused: I never went back.


#4

[quote="verdantmemories, post:1, topic:246999"]
I'm a straight female, and my gay best friend, who I met through church, actually, wants to take me out for my 21st birthday...to his favorite gay bar. I'm not sure how to react to this, on the one hand, it sounds like fun because we'd be going on Showtunes night, on the other hand, I'm not sure if my going seems like it is affirming his lifestyle.

Any thoughts?

[/quote]

If he wants to take you out for YOUR birthday, wouldn't the nicer thing be for him to ask you where you would prefer to go? Perhaps you could say that you would love for him to take you out but that you have been dying to go to XYZ, and would it be okay to go there instead? That way, you don't have to really say anything about his choice, nor do you have to go...


#5

[quote="amerrychase, post:3, topic:246999"]
I went to a gay dance club once- it was fun, but I felt as though I was misrepresenting myself to everyone there, especially because I was with a gay friend. :confused: I never went back.

[/quote]

Are you a woman? If so, how would you be representing yourself as anything other than the friend of a gay man?


#6

[quote="SamTheNewfie, post:5, topic:246999"]
Are you a woman? If so, how would you be representing yourself as anything other than the friend of a gay man?

[/quote]

Yeah, that's one of the reasons I clarified my own question, obviously it would be a bit of a different story if I was a man going with him, but because I'm a woman, nobody will think that we're together or anything.


#7

He must know that if he takes you there, then next time you'll bring a date and another couple there, then they'll all tell their friends what a great place it is, and before you know it, it's not a gay bar anymore. It will just be a bar.

If he was worried about that happening, I don't think he'd take you there. It is a bar where a lot of gays go, but he's obviously not concerned about going there as part of an opposite-gender couple. He can't go cruising for a same-sex date while he's there entertaining you. I wouldn't worry about it.


#8

[quote="verdantmemories, post:6, topic:246999"]
Yeah, that's one of the reasons I clarified my own question, obviously it would be a bit of a different story if I was a man going with him, but because I'm a woman, nobody will think that we're together or anything.

[/quote]

Your friend could take a male friend there without being in the wrong. We have to avoid giving scandal, but having dinner in public with someone you may not morally have sex with is not in that category. Assuming we don't give the impression that we're "sneaking around" or something like that, that's in the realm of rash judgement on the part of others.

Yes, I mean that it would not have been a sin if the Lord had taken Peter, James, and John to have supper where gay men were known to gather, just because it might have made some Greeks snicker and some Jews pass out. It's just dinner.


#9

Better not to support such places by spending money in them.

If you met this individual through Church is he a Catholic? If you go with him he make take the view that these venues are 'OK' for Catholics (they're not).

This is my opinion.


#10

Seriously? This is a question you have to ask?

What is the purpose of a "gay bar"? It is to facilitate homosexual relationships, promote the "gay" lifestyle as normal, and promote drag queens (Showtunes night) as normal.

This is not something Catholics can participate in.


#11

[quote="1ke, post:10, topic:246999"]
Seriously? This is a question you have to ask?

What is the purpose of a "gay bar"? It is to facilitate homosexual relationships, promote the "gay" lifestyle as normal, and promote drag queens (Showtunes night) as normal.

This is not something Catholics can participate in.

[/quote]

I'm pretty sure that Showtunes Night just means the DJ is playing Broadway soundtracks, but I get what you're saying.


#12

[quote="verdantmemories, post:1, topic:246999"]
I'm a straight female, and my gay best friend, who I met through church, actually, wants to take me out for my 21st birthday...to his favorite gay bar. I'm not sure how to react to this, on the one hand, it sounds like fun because we'd be going on Showtunes night, on the other hand, I'm not sure if my going seems like it is affirming his lifestyle.

Any thoughts?

[/quote]

If it's YOUR birthday, you should be able to choose where you go, and if you have any doubts about the gay bar thing, why would your friend want those doubts bouncing around in your head on your birthday? If he's your friend you should be able to opt out of the gay bar and opt in for something else without any drama.:)


#13

[quote="1ke, post:10, topic:246999"]
Seriously? This is a question you have to ask?

What is the purpose of a "gay bar"? It is to facilitate homosexual relationships, promote the "gay" lifestyle as normal, and promote drag queens (Showtunes night) as normal.

This is not something Catholics can participate in.

[/quote]

Oh, for crying out loud, not all gay bars are a variation on the idea of a sports bar! A gay bar is just a bar where the fraction of customers who are gay is a lot higher than in the general population. It can get that way by simple popularity with the trend-setters that other people follow. It can get that way for reasons of safety: gays would rather go somewhere where they are less likely to find a local bully roughing them up in the parking lot. Portland is a very "gay friendly" town, but there are still idiots beating people up for riding on a lavendar bicycle.

There was a time when it was almost a joke that as soon as a bar got a reputation as a great gay bar, the local avante garde heterosexuals would flood the place and the gays would have to go somewhere else. That didn't happen because the manager was trying to turn heterosexuals into cross-dressers.


#14

[quote="EasterJoy, post:13, topic:246999"]
Oh, for crying out loud, not all gay bars are a variation on the idea of a sports bar! A gay bar is just a bar where the fraction of customers who are gay is a lot higher than in the general population. It can get that way by simple popularity with the trend-setters that other people follow. It can get that way for reasons of safety: gays would rather go somewhere where they are less likely to find a local bully roughing them up in the parking lot. Portland is a very "gay friendly" town, but there are still idiots beating people up for riding on a lavendar bicycle.

There was a time when it was almost a joke that as soon as a bar got a reputation as a great gay bar, the local avante garde heterosexuals would flood the place and the gays would have to go somewhere else. That didn't happen because the manager was trying to turn heterosexuals into cross-dressers.

[/quote]

People go to these places searching for other people to have relationsips with.


#15

[quote="StOwen, post:14, topic:246999"]
People go to these places searching for other people to have relationsips with.

[/quote]

And women go to those places to dance without getting hit on.


#16

If a bar self-identifies as a "gay bar" Catholics should not patronize it.


#17

Gay bar or not, how are you hoping to celebrate your 21st birthday? By getting sloshed? That would be more of my concern and if on the chance that I would get sloshed on my birthday, I don't think I'd feel comfortable being so in a place that I already feel uncomfortable about going to. Because if you were really ok about going to this place, you wouldn't be asking the question. Find an activity that YOU feel comfortable with and in a place you can trust.


#18

[quote="SamTheNewfie, post:15, topic:246999"]
And women go to those places to dance without getting hit on.

[/quote]

I did not realise the primary function of a gay bar was to allow straight women to dance without being approached by sleazy men. Thanks for enlightening me.

Giving money to any establishment which promotes illict sex (gay or straight) should be avoided.

There's nothing else I would add. I hope the thread helps the OP make her decision.


#19

I think it depends on the bar itself.

I have frequently spent a summer's afternoon at this one particular gay bar where everyone is outside having beers and hamburgers and hot dogs and lounging on benches and picnic tables. Yes, my husband has some gay friends, and we enjoy having a post-softball-game beer with them at this place. The atmosphere is fun and relaxed and in no way a meat market.

On the other hand, I joined DH's coworkers for after-dinner drinks once, neither of us knowing really where we were going, and it wound up being a gay bar where there was some extremely suggestive (and frankly, revolting) dancing going on, and I had to walk out.


#20

I went to a gay bar with my brother & his partner. It was showtunes night and there were no drag queens, just a guy with a marvelous voice belting them out. I had a beer, listened to great signing and went home. It was an older crowd and not much different from the local watering hole except I was one of, IIRC, 3 women in the place.


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