Going to Mass Makes Me Angry


I am 55 y/o and I have been attending Sunday mass, barring illness, since I was a preschooler. Lately, however, attending mass and hearing about a loving God and reading stories about Jesus healing the incurable makes me very bitter.

My 14 y/o son was born with Asberger’s and Cerebral Palsy. He is an explosive child and mentally about 8 or 9. He has to be in a wheelchair most of the time. He asks me why God doesn’t answer his prayers for healing. I tell him something like “it’s God’s will” or “God has something even better than healing in store for you”. The fact is, God has refused my prayers and those of many Christian friends, pleading to allow my son to lead a normal life. I am now trying to accepting the fact that his life is going to be 80 or more years of constant frustration and sorrow.

So I don’t pray anymore. I can’t. Oh, we say the rote prayer before meals as a family, but I don’t personally pray. If God is pleased and content for my child to have this miserable life, then I dont’ really have anything to say to It.

So, if there is a hell, then I suppose that’s where I’m going. Fortunately, any after-life is purely spiritual, i.e. formless energy, and not of any real substance. So how bad can hell be?


Hell is eternal seperation from God for all eternity, someday, may not be in this life, your son will walk, and be made whole again, you will miss out on that if you are in eternal hell. I believe God knows exactly what He is doing and why…always. His mercy is endless and just because He just isn’t answering your prayers in the way you expect doesn’t mean that He doesn’t have something wonderful in store for you.

Jesus didn’t want people coming to Him only because He worked miracles, He wants your complete love and trust. In the twinkling of an eye all things will be made new. I lost a baby while still in the womb and I try to live my life in such a way that one day I will stand before God in the hope that I will see and hold my son in my arms in eternity even though I never got to in this world. No one knows what God has in store for those who love HIM.

I will pray for you to accept this cross and that your son will be able to unite his sufferings to Jesus for the salvation of the world. If your son goes straight to heaven for all he has endured in this world of suffering, you don’t want to miss being with him for all eternity. Unite your sufferings with HIS too and you will find peace to endure this.


I understand your plight and sympathize with you. I have gone to Confession more times than I can count where I have to confess of despairing of God’s mercy and being angry with God. I am 60…my husband has Alzheimers and my 39 y/o daughter who lives with us is becoming an invalid due to rheumatoid arthritis. I question how this can be fair. I hear what my confessor tells me and still I question. I go to daily Mass because it gives great comfort and makes me realize that although I feel God has left my side…indeed He is right there with me. I know he will not give me more than I can handle.

God Bless you…


Dear PMG,

I am sorry to hear of the struggle you are experiencing. Seeing our own child suffer has got to be one of the hardest things one can bear. Remember that Mary also witnessed the suffering of her Son. It may help to pray for her intercession and to meditate on how her life was one “yes” after another to God, even as she followed her Son along the way of the cross.

God loves you more than you can understand and has not abandoned you, nor is He ignoring your prayers. Asperger’s and CP are the cross God has chosen for your son’s perfection and for yours. We can choose either to accept our cross with resignation, or to bear it while shaking our fist at God. In either case we still have to suffer, and fighting God’s will only makes it worse. There can be joy despite the suffering when we abandon ourselves to God’s will. But when we become angry at God we lose our joy, our peace, and the graces we would have received had we accepted our cross.

Remeber that in all things, even Aspergers and CP, God works for the good of our souls (Romans 8:28) and that God will not allow you to be tested beyond your strength. He will give you the grace to bear your suffering if you let him. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Don’t give up on prayer and on God, because He is exactly what you need to persevere. Being angry at God will only make things harder.

When God chooses to heal someone, He does it because it is the best thing for their soul. His ways are far above ours and He knows when certain trials are better for us in the long run. Not only does He desire your salvation, but He also desires great rewards for you in Heaven. Even if your son lives another 80 years or so, his time here will be as nothing once we die. We will spend forever on the other side of death.

And yes, Hell is what we receive when we reject God, and it is no small matter. Hell is the worst disaster that could befall a soul - infinitely worse than suffering with disabilities in this life. We were made for God, and to be eternally separated from Him is the worst pain of Hell.

Remember also that at the final judgment, we will receive our bodies back. Those who are damned will be thrown body and soul into Hell. I shudder to think of the physical suffering to come for the damned.

I heard one of the Fathers of Mercy speak and he said the theme song to Hell is “I Did It My Way.” I hope and pray you will choose His way, even thought it will require bearing patiently the crosses that are sent to you. If you find it impossible to accept your cross without being angry at God, then pray asking God for the grace to bear it and to continue trusting and loving Him along the way.


Go to this link: HERE

Scroll down to season two, episode six. You will find an episode about Pain and Suffering. This was written by a man who watched his mother die of stomach cancer - he knows the difficulty of watching a loved one suffer. This talk is only 40 minutes long.

God bless,




That talk from the One True Faith podcast on suffering is one of their best, IMO. Well worth listening to especially if you are having a hard time dealing with suffering.


My 15 year old daughter was born with Spina Bifida. Every year it seems we spend a week or to in the hospital for some surgery she needs. This doesn’t count all the clinics we have to go to and times we have to take her in for tests. Yet, I keep praying. Why? What else can I do? If God is going to heal her, I’m going to have to keep asking. Even if it never happens, surely some good has to come of my prayers. Maybe your asking for the wrong thing. May be you could ask for your son to be happy. He can still be happy even with his condition. My daughter usually is.

I pray that you and your son can find peace. You may be surprised where you find it.:) 

I don't know if this is a proper thought, but I take a little consolation in the belief that my daughters path to Heaven is easier because of the terrible Cross she has to bear.

I hope this is helpful. It’s the best I can do to explain my feelings on the subject. God Bless you and your family.


What can one say. This is not Gods fault. It’s the demons and man that brought suffering and death into our existence. Don’t blame God. This life is a test to see if we’re worthy of eternal life. Heaven comes later if we accept Gods will for us and do it. It’s not wise to abandon God because you don’t understand what he’s doing. You should really study the christian understanding of suffering. God is an easy target when things go wrong. We are all called on to make sacrifices. All of us. If we accept and do so unbegrudgingly we win Gods favour and blessing and have peace of mind and hope, but if we refuse the cross or try to get rid of it or despise it we have misery, no peace of mind and nothing to look forward to and lose hope. It may be hard but your problem is your perception and understanding of these matters. If you see them as they really are you will see all this as a blessing and be happy. If you want to be happy the only way is to change the way you see things. I’ll pray for you and don’t just dismiss what I say as another pick up that cross line. It’s the answer and works if you make the effort. God bless you:)



I can’t make sense of your suffering. I can’t even understand it, never having been through something similar. All I can offer you is the conviction that God loves your family as much as you love your son. I hope that doesn’t sound trite to the point of meaninglessness.



I can’t offer any helpful theological solutions (I’m not even Catholic) but I wanted you to know that I read your post and said a prayer.



Fortunately, any after-life is purely spiritual, i.e. formless energy, and not of any real substance.

Where did you get that idea?

What do you think the words of the Creed are talking about when they say, “I look for the Resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come.”

Your BODY will rise from the dead, and be rejoined with your soul and you will experience heaven (or hell) in BOTH body and soul.


No one knows why God gives some folks very difficult burdens and others seemingly very light burdens. On the surface it may appear to be very unfair.

But consider the one who is born a rich man who seems to have everything easy. We think he will always have it easy, but when you look at their lives, they are most times spoiled, and prone to be very self centered, proud and usually arrogant. Many times they think they deserve what they have and look down on other folks.

There are some exceptions but in general kids of rich folks tend to be less generous or mindful or other people.

Jesus tells us it is harder for a rich man to get to heaven than for the camel to enter through the eye of a needle (I know not the same needle as a sewing needle, but difficult anyway).

Everyone has their own burdens and crosses to bear and no one knows why some are apparently easy while others are seemingly impossible. Maybe it is a lesson for rest of us, to see how difficult things can really get. We think we have it bad, but then we see folks who have it a whole lot worse.

Part of our mission in this life is to make things a little bit better for those who are not as fortunate as us. When we see a sick person or a poor person, it’s our job to show compassion and concern. The charity that we show and express to those less fortunate is our road to salvation.

The care and concern that you show your son, is your cross to carry. But rather than show him anger and frustration at God for not curing him, you may want to show him that God loves him even more than you do. The folks who endure pain and suffering in this life willingly and offer up their suffering for God’s purpose, are rewarded with eternal life. But folks who curse God and blame Him for their troubles, are condemned forever.

Would you, in your outrage, further extend your sons suffering forever by making him bitter and resentful also ? You think suffering in Hell will not be so bad, but you are absolutely wrong. Deep down you know that is not true. Eternal suffering will make your son’s suffering pale in comparison. It’s like comparing a pin prick with being constantly burned all over your body.

We can’t really know your anger and frustration, since we are not in your situation. But it is far better to help your son cope with his ailments than it is to make him share your anger with God. Would you really want to make his suffering even more intense and last forever also ? That would be incredibly cruel and stupid to boot.

I pray for a miracle for both of you. The miracle that you both come to accept and understand God’s plan for you.

The leper who came to Jesus for a cure, asked in all humility and faith for help. He said, IF it is Your will for a cure, please let it be done. Folks who ask in anger or demand help, don’t usually get it. With faith, humility and contrite hearts, all things are possible. I hope God helps you both.


Let me say, that once upon a time I understood the OP’s thinking somewhat. I based my faith on how my prayers were answered. Had it not been for St Anthony answering so many of my prayers for finding things (like a 99.9% success rate) I would perhaps had thought God didn’t exist (I thought He answered like 2% of them). But even that line of thinking was flawed, for was it not God that answered St Anthony’s intercesssions? That drove the percentage probably a lot closer to 50%. Not bad at all for a not very commited catholic.

God always loves us, but part of love is pain (in this world anyway). My poor mama had been deaf since 1970, and you wouldn’t believe the utter stupidity of people in not understanding, or caring to understand how you have to write on a tablet and pen she provides in order to communicate with her. Some of us relatives can use some crude sign language at times with her (none of us are deaf), but the problem remains that strangers, nurses in the most recent case, seem to go deaf themselves when you explain this simple act they need to do. What are they illiterate?

Do I blame God for her suffering in this way (and many other problems which I won’t relate)? How can I? God knows what’s best. Had it not been for my mother’s deafness, I could make a real good case of seeing my family become yet another example of the divorce courts, but instead, they have been married over 50 years now. Look for the things that having a loved one in a bad state can bring (one’s compassion for a start), that otherwise wouldn’t be there. Is it possible that without the teen as he is, that he would had quite possibly ran off such as the prodigal son? Sure, anything could happen. We don’t have a crystal ball to know just what his state has done that benefits or can benefit people around him, later, if not now. I can assure the OP that good will come of this, and in fact is doing so, but don’t lose God over this, but more tightly cling to Him.

I would suggest the OP read Self-Abandonment to Divine Providence, maybe then he can get a sense of how refusing to pray to God because of unanswered prayer is not the thing to do. Maybe one of the best manuevers is to accept that God doesn’t want to heal him. I accepted that about my Mom a long time ago, but it doesn’t mean I don’t ask God to still heal her of this in her latter years at all. I just trust that He knows what He’s doing, and if He should have her go deaf to her grave, then fine, it was better not only for her, but for the rest of us. When I can get that crystal ball out and see what our lives would had been like otherwise without her going deaf, and it was worse (and I mean worse on every plane, including and most especially the spiritual) then and only then can I dare to question the Lord’s good providence, but, as I know, even then the Lord would have proved to had done the right thing.


Thank you, Refaela, for your prayer.

Thank you to everyone who took part of your time away from your other concerns and replied.

My hope is that if there is an afterlife, that at least my son might be made whole and normal. Then he would be freed from not only his emotional and physical pains, but from the taunts and hurtful jokes of his peers who have been blest with healthy bodies and minds.


My hope, PMG, is that your son has all of those things in Heaven and you are there with him to witness that.

If you’re too angry at God to be concerned with being forever separated from Him, then give some thought to being forever separated from your son.


Maybe this post might help in consolation. forums.catholic.com/showpost.php?p=4830113&postcount=3

:frowning: :frowning: :frowning: :frowning: :frowning: :frowning: :frowning: :frowning:


I recommend reading this book. Not only has it made me realize Hell is definitely not the place I want to go for ETERNITY and that I(we) should be helping others to avoid hell, but it also has helped me understand the point of life and why God does things certain ways. Keep in mind what the others have said here and just give complete trust to God.

P.S. Also now that I think of it, it’s been exactly a year since I read that book:eek: . It really has changed my life since then.


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