Going to the beach while scrupulous


#1

It sucks.

Everywhere I look is a sin.

Girls in bikinis that are my age.

I sometimes do look at them and I’m worried that I’m doing so by my own free will which is sinful.

I wish I didn’t have to go to the beach while a lot of people were and I could just come later and fish.

I don’t want to say anything about this to my family because they think I’m some weird religious guy.

I enjoy swimming and hanging out with my friends, but the girls there make me feel like I’m one long glance away from sin.

Can anyone help me with this


#2

You need offline help. Are you speaking to your parents? Your Priest? Do you have a Spiritual Director? A therapist to help you?


#3

I sort of exaggerated a little bit but I just wanted some input on this


#4

It’s not scrupulously here. Going to the beach can be an occasion of sin for many because of the immodesty. It’s a good idea to go early in the morning or later in evening.


#5

If you’re scrupulous, the best thing you can do is talk to people who can really help you - people who know you, offline.


#6

These kind of sins are the only ones I’m scrupulous about


#7

And if he’s a minor going with his family as the OP post implies to me?


#8

Yeah I’m 15


#9

Even if it’s scruples for just one kind of sin, that’s scruples for one kind of sin too many.

Go and talk to your Priest. I guarantee he will have heard it before and will be able to give you some good advice.


#10

With what I said above about going to the beach in the middle of a hot summer day where there are immodestly dresses women:

If you know 100% your going to lust than going would be a sin.

If you know probably you are going to lust than it may be a venial sin.

If more than likely it’s not a problem, or no problem at all, then there is no sin.


#11

If you are going with your family and are required to go, practice custody of your eyes and ask the intercession of the angels and saints. It’s not easy & Don’t worry God loves you and knows you the best.


#12

If you’re going to the beach intending to stare at girls bodies, that’s sinful. If you’re going there to swim and you happen to notice an attractive girls features, that’s not sinful. You’re a teenage guy, it’s perfectly normal for you to feel attracted to girls your age. Don’t wig out about this and don’t overthink it.


#13

It’s okay to notice a woman’s body. It’s not okay to imagine having sex with her. Boom. Pretty easy


#14

As a scrupulant, you are allowed to do anything that is not explicitly sinful. Unless you are undoubtedly sinning, you are to assume you are not. — basic Catholic pastoral practice on how to handle yourself in these situations.

You are to assume you are not sinning unless you can swear under oath that you are deliberately committing a sinful act. That is the basic rule for people with scrupulous consciences.


#15

Frend:

Here’s a little bit of help. I would give the same advice to my nephew who’s 18.

  1. Watch watch you say. Don’t whistle, and don’t say things like “wow, she’s…” or “!%#@, I would like to…” Even if your friends are doing that, don’t chime in.

  2. Watch your body language too.

  3. If you talk to them, make sure you are looking at their face, particularly if it’s someone you just met. Reading this, I’m thinking you live in California or Florida or somewhere with a coastline where the beach is within walking distance.

  4. If she’s someone you are familiar with, like a friend from school, or a friend of one of your buddies, I wouldn’t greet her with a hug particularly if all she is wearing is a bathing suit. A simple hello would be fine.

  5. It’s OK to play frisbee, volleyball, build a sandcastle, or go out for a swim with a girl.

  6. Your eyes may wander, but be careful. I often had to be careful at the gym and sometimes at the pool maintaining custody of the eyes. Like some other posters said, it is normal and healthy to be attracted to the opposite sex.

  7. Make sure you are dressed appropriately for the beach, like board shorts or trunks about the size of jogging shorts. For women, most women know what works for them, and I understand that some women want a tan, which is much easier to accomplish in a bikini.

  8. Ask your dad for some advice, or a trusted male adult, like an uncle, a brother-in-law, or a stepfather.

  9. If you have an older sister that you are close to, you might want to ask her for some help. I wish I would of had an older sister growing up - I never had a girlfriend until I was in my early 20s.

Frend, I hope this is helpful - I try to limit what topics I post on. Most of my topics involve helping students, military, liturgy, vocations, dating, etc.


#16

I can see how that would be hell: it’s hard enough without scrupulousity!


#17

What you see is not a sin. What you do with what you see can be a sin. If I watch a movie and there is a scene with a bank robbery where the robbers kill two people, it is not a sin. If I intentionally watch it for the purpose of learning how to successfully buy a gun, rob a bank, and kill two people, it is. The same with going to the beach.
If you go for the sun, the sand, and the waves you are fine. If there are immodestly dressed women there, that isn’t your fault. If you look and see and then concentrate of having fun, swimming, getting a tan, and then going out for a pizza afterwards, no sin. If you go to look for reasons to commit lust or more, then you have a problem. Don’t be too hard on yourself, but do guard against wandering down the wrong path.


#18

There is nothing sinful looking at girls in swimsuits as long as your thoughts are pure.


#19

I’m 48 and married. During a confession I made back in February I told my Priest about my lustful thoughts. He told me that I would one day be rid of them. I asked him when. He said ten minutes after you’re dead, you’re a guy.

It’s understandable to have thoughts, but it’s another thing to sit there and allow them to perpetuate. This is what brings us to sin. When you find yourself having thoughts, pray and then find something else to occupy your mind. Just remember that you are a falable human being just like the rest of us.


#20

Rejecting the evil thoughts the moment they enter your mind is the best way to overcome this. Also try to look down when you can and it will be easier to guard your eyes.


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