I’ve always been an active kind of person, going to meetings, supporting justice and peace issues and doing volunteering. But some while ago I took on too much, got out of my depth and couldn’t handle it. I packed everything up, questioned everything and even thought I’d lost my faith for a while.
A year on, I’m fine with the faith - actually feel stronger for having hit the bottom and come up again. I have a stronger desire for prayer, and am praying more than before. But as for ‘good works’, I’ve lost heart somehow. I know this sounds awful. I do try to live my ordinary life well, but all I really want to do at present is go to work (I work half time) and come home and do stuff at home. My marriage also took a knock in the bad period, and my biggest wishes now are to have a good relationship with my husband, and make my home nice.
I read the lesson in church, visit a disabled neighbour. It doesn’t seem much. I worry that I’m not leading a true Christian life. Should I do some voluntary work or get back into the justice and peace issues even though I don’t really feel like it - after all, maybe being a Christian should cost something? Or would I just be ‘a clanging gong or a clashing symbol’ doing it without love, as St Paul says?
I can’t stop worrying about it, and feel so stuck and confused. I would really appreciate some advice.