I’ve been taking a look at your posts and I feel as though my marriage is much like yours, in that it is definitely going through the Dark Night of the soul.
You say that you have a non-religious friend who doesn’t know why you’re still married. I lost my “best friend” several years ago because she could not understand why I didn’t divorce my husband (no abuse or anything even remotely like that, just alienation of affection and refusal to support me or treat me as a partner in our marriage). Another good friend of mine doesn’t understand how I could still hold out hope that our marriage might be saved. “How could you ever trust him again?”
He is dead set on getting a divorce, our house has been on the market for nearly 2 years, and at one point he refused to make the mortage payments (or discuss the situation with me) to the extent that I came home to a notice on the door that we were in foreclosure and the house was going to auction. He refuses to be seen with me in public, I just cut off >10 inches of hair and he didn’t even acknowledge I’d done anything.
I work on being kind and friendly in a cold environment, and I have simply offered up my marriage to God. He will do with it as He pleases. It has been the only thing that has gotten me through this, knowing that while I have no idea where this is going, God does, and He desires only the best for me. I have been busy trying to learn to be humble (yeah, right) and obedient, two things that I had no clue to even pursue a few years back. Now at least I know how severely I fall short.
Work on your relationship with Christ. Understand what the Church teaches on marriage and practice your side of it. I can’t promise you that your wife will respond as you desire, but at a minimum, use this time to be the man that you are meant to be.