Grandma died....:(

My grandma was my hero in so many ways. She was 103-104 yrs old and was more alert and aware than the typical 20 yo. She lived a good life and now she is resting in the arms of our Lord, and for that I am grateful. Please keep her in your prayers.

What I am not grateful for, and frankly cannot understand is how such a wonderful woman could have given birth and raised someone like my mom. Of all of her 12 children…yes, God Bless her 12! My mom is so different from her siblings. Mom didn’t call me to tell me about my grandmom passing, but after this past fall when my aunt died and she didn’t tell me, I don’t know why I expected her to.

My little brother (God Bless his coniving heart) told her she had to call me with funeral arrangements…so she waited until very late, too late to make plans to go, to call. When I talked to her she told me where and when the funeral would be, but she was very cold about it. I asked where to send a mass card to and she wouldn’t give me an address, so I asked for one of my aunts phone numbers and she didn’t want to do that either. Finally she gave me the phone number for one of my aunts but only after she flew into a panic and insisted I tell her why. I repeated that I need an address to send a mass card out and she finally gave it to me.

My sister had a similar experience with mom. Mom told her that flowers were not welcome but that she would send flowers from the family (???) so my sister asked who she was going to put on the card…sounds bad, but with my mom you have to ask, and she said the family, so my sister asked if her and I would be included as part of the family…no answer! Then she asked why mom wasn’t going to the funeral. Mom said she tried but couldn’t get a flight…then said the weather is bad…then said, she just came back from there (in other words she had a ton of excuses). When my sister mentioned sending a mass card and asked for a different aunt’s phone # and address, mom said that if it doesn’t get there by Saturday, she can’t sent it (this was said Thursday night late) because that is when the funeral is.

At this point, I am more sad for my mom than my grandmom. She has so many issues. Does anybody have a relative like this and how do you handle it?

She has pretty much totally cut off communications after many years of this kind of stuff. She found an excuse to be mad at me and decided she wasn’t talking to me. My kids are mad at me because grandma used to spoil them, or at least pay attention to them but this past year she hasn’t even called on their birthdays or sent them cards let alone gifts. I let them call her on her birthday, because I didn’t want to involve the children in our disputes, but she didn’t bother calling, sending cards or any gifts to my kids or my sister’s kids…but then, makes no excuses for all the time and money she spends on my other sisters kids(actually she flaunts it to my kids: “Lauren and I went shopping and I bought her xxx”). All of our kids are teens and none of them are stupid (well, maybe one…:slight_smile: ) and they can see what she is doing and they are hurt. I tell them to pray for her, she is not mentally well but they still think this is all my fault because grandma wouldn’t forget them like this…

What more can I do? I don’t want to teach to kids that family means nothing, but she refuses to call or talk to me or one of my sisters and our families. Truthfully, life IS more peaceful this way.

I don’t have anything wonderful and insightful to offer you for about your mother, but I will say a rosary for your grandmother right now.

Bless you,
MOMof 4

Gosh - I am sorry you have lost a dear woman.

Grandparents are absolutely on of God’s greatest gifts to most of us.

May God grant her rest, peace, and a wonderful banquet.

I really have no experience with this, but I do know how it feels to have your Grandma die. Mine died November 8th and her funeral was November 13…Which was my 23 Birthday. All the comfort I can give you is that she is in heaven. I think this poem might help you. I know it helped my mom right after her mom died. I will keep you in my prayers and I will also remember your mother. Maybe the Christmas Miracle this year will be God touching her heart.

“Christmas in Heaven”

I see the countless Christmas trees
around the world below
with tiny lights like heaven’s stars
reflecting on the snow.

The sight is so spectacular,
please wipe away that tear
for I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
but the sounds of music can’t compare
with the Christmas choir up here.

I have no words to tell you
of the joy their voices bring
for it is beyond description
to hear the angels sing.

I know how much you miss me,
I see the pain inside your heart
for I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year…

I can’t tell you of the splendor
or the peace here in this place
Can you just imagine Christmas
with our Savior face to face?

I’ll ask him to lift your spirit
as I tell him of your love
so then pray for one another
as you lift your eyes above.

Please let your hearts be joyful
and let your spirit sing
for I am spending Christmas in heaven
and I’m walking with the King.

I will add your Grandma to my prayers today. I am so sorry for your loss.

As for your mother, I don’t know what to say. My husband’s sisters were very cruel to us during our first few years together, incredibly so. When our daughter was born, we made the decision that until they at least began to act civilly towards us, we weren’t going to subject our children to their behavior. They didn’t like not being able to see them, so they finally gave up their animosity. There are still tense times, but the kids don’t suffer for it. If they ever did start it all up again, I would once again keep my kids away. Family is family, I know, but you have a responsibility to your children to protect them. NO ONE hurts my children, be it family or stranger.

Anyway, I am truly sorry for your loss.

God bless!!


I’m sorry for you, but congrats to your grandma who has reached her eternal reward! —KCT

first of all I am so sorry for your loss. My Grandmother Crocco was one of the biggest influences in my life. I lost her when I was 18 (just a few days ago…:whistle: ) and I pray with her every day.

I have had people in my family who are like your mom in many ways. I had an Aunt we all used to (lovingly, of course) call Aunt B**ch and an Uncle who was wonderful to people but would get a bug in his ear about SOMETHING and be angry at someone for 30 years. I figured it has something to do with being Italian…I mean, vendetta is an Italian word, right?
What I have come to learn is that while we all have our own personalities it is my job to love people in spite of mine…in other words, I have to place principles before my own personality if my walk is going to be a walk towards God rather than away from God.
Your mother sounds like a real cross to bear. Know that you have a Blessed Mother that thinks you are the greatest thing since pockets and that you are loved. Meanwhile I will pray to your Grandmother, asking that she pray with me for your Mom.

that’ll get 'er…

I think you may be right about Italian families. I had an aunt and uncle that immigrated to the US in the early 1900s. My aunt was STILL mad about some land dispute she had with a relative in Sicilly when she was in her 90’s (about 20 years ago). I mean, forget it already! She carried this grudge to the grave!

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and your prayers. Keri, I loved that poem! It totally fit exactly how I feel.

The tears finally came and yet I wasn’t overwhelmed, I was very peaceful knowing what a good life she had led and how she had touched many hearts. I will miss her very much, but I am happy for her too…she led exactly the kind of life I want to lead.

I don’t know about the Italian thing…mom’s side is all German, which was to balance out the Polish from dad’s side…

I’ll say a prayer for your Grandma tonight.

Just imagine her up in heaven though - telling God how proud she is of you, no doubt, although if she’s like my grandma she may point out your occasional flaw too :o

I’m sorry about your Grandma, BlestOne. I lost my gma a few years ago, and I still tear up thinking about her. Even though your mom was not the kind of mom she should be, your gma sounds was everything and more of what she should’ve been.

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