Lately, there have been some anniversaries (birthdays etc) of people I have lost as well as triggers. I lost a loved one in a car accident and I witness a car accident recently.
This has brought up a lot of the pain. Admittedly, I never fully dealt with the pain for reasons such as fear, embarrassment and even wanting to hold on to the pain since it is all I have left of some loved ones. Not to mention trying to resolve the grief in my early 20s and not know how to go about it and making it worse.
So, all that to say, I have found the past couple of weeks draining. I still do all my normal activities but they seem like large tasks. I also notice that I have been more short tempered in my social dealings. I thank God I have had the strength to bit my tongue because looking back, the things that made me angry were really no big deal.
Today, I was on the phone with a good friend. I was telling her about it and then the was a silence. I asked her what she was thinking and she said 'I am just being here with you in your pain. How sweet and considerate. However the baffling thing is, the second she gave me the opportunity to grieve, I had no desire to do it anymore.
So, I must admit I am getting impatient with the grief process. Of how it always comes up now and day.
Can people share what has helped them. I am starting to realize I just may have to accept God’s time table and I don’t like that option no matter how much I believe it is the way to go