Grieving


#1

I’m really upset right now. First off, I lost my mother a year ago in January to breast cancer. She suffered for 3 years with a rare form of the disease. I watched her dying in the hospital for 3 weeks.

My issue is with this person I was “dating”. He apparently thinks a year should be enough time to “move on” with your life. That I complained that I was “sad” every few weeks (what men might not understand is that pms plays a major factor in this for some women). That he had friends who have lost parents, and that after a certain number of months they were OK.

Well, every day I try to move on with my life after losing my best friend. Some days are better than others. Add some additional family issues and some days are worse. There’s no timeline for grief.

This person recently said that he thought we were just good friends and has been dating someone else. He neglected to tell me this for two months. Of course this has thrown me for a loop, considering it’s a “holiday season” when things are more difficult, my dad has been sick, and my grandparents were in an accident.

He attempted to give me this advice tonight to “move on”, and it made me extremely upset. I’ve literally been sick to my stomach this week due to all the stress that this has caused. He seemed annoyed with me that I would try to tell him how I was feeling.

Sigh. Please just pray for me. I need it. :frowning:


#2

Hi Feb. I will pray for peace for you tonight.:console:

Sorry about your mom. I know if was rough for you, but we trust she is at peace. When I recall how Mary watched her son die, I know that she shares in our grief and cries with us. Do you have someone you can talk to - a sibling or good friend? If not, maybe a grief support group?

Sorry about your Dad and grandparents as well. I will also pray for them.

And sorry about the loser you were “dating”. As I guy, I know that we can be really stupid at times, especially where emotions and feelings are involved. I guess that is why God made women the stronger sex.


#3

Oh, I am so sorry. I feel so badly for you.

Prayers going up for you, February.
God bless you…


#4

thanks. i just can’t believe people can be so insensitive and outright mean sometimes.


#5

Well, he is certainly not a very deep one or sensitive, for that matter. Who is he to tell you how long you should grieve for?
Grieving is a process, some days are better than others. One day you could feel ok and on other days, little things can trigger a very bad reaction, all connected to the one you have lost. It is not something you can just 'snap out of.'
This person does not seem to care about your feelings at all, especially as he is dating someone else. Take it from someone who has made very big mistakes in that area, let him go. You deserve better.
God bless, and I will pray for you and your mother( and father). You have a lot to contend with, I pray that God will give you strength and peace in your heart.


#6

I’m sorry about your mom, and I am sorry that you were counting on support from someone who thought it was all about his feelings and wasn’t caring about yours. What my priest tells me is to think “God loves me” and tell myself that over and over again, because it is true. God loves us with the most perfect love, and even in the toughtest times it really is all that we need.


#7

Awww, Hugs. Just think of your mom celebrating Easter with the Risen Christ in person. This is her best Easter ever! I’m sorry you lost your best friend, mentor and mother. I know that hurts beyond belief. I pray your mom may be able to console you somehow from where she is. Time will dull the pain. It’s still new. And nobody can tell you how long to grieve.

Thank God you have seen that your so-called friend lacks empathy and fidelity and tact and compassion. He is now someone else’s problem. Don’t let his words hurt you. I think when people do that they make themselves tools of the devil. Anyone who increases your despair in life is someone you should stay away from. You can do better. He was not your port in the storm. He probably will never be anyone’s port in any storm.

God bless you. Think of your mom and how happy she is with God. Her suffering is over. She’s been taken off the cross. She’s enjoying the Resurrection.

Concentrate on your dad and spend time with him. He needs you during this time. And your grandparents too. They understand your grief. Sometimes it’s best to stay with the people who understand until you are better able to deal with your grief yourself. You will recover according to your own calendar, not that so-called friend’s.


#8

i will be praying for you my dear…
as someone else has said on this thread, grieving is a process and some people get over it faster and others take a while…

since you say that she was also your best friend… and i know that feeling as my mom is mine too… you are actually grieving the loss of two people… so give yourself as much time as you need…

it is HIS way of showing you who is right and who is not for you… if this guy cant be supportive during this incredibly difficult period in your life, how will he support you in what is to come in the future?

remember though, there is always one persone who wants to be your best friend and be with you throughout your life and in the afterlife… HE will take care of you and hold you during this time…

take care of your self well so that you can take care of others in your life…

God bless


#9

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