Guilty after Confession


I went to confession yesterday to confess that my boyfriend and I broke our promise of abstinence.

Myself, my two sons from a previous marriage, my boyfriend, and his daughter from a previous marriage have moved into a single home. The kids are happier together and we are now planning on getting separate beds. We decided to move in because I had just lost my job and I have no other family to turn to for help. Financially we can not separate from where we just moved into.

After confession I have felt so depressed since the Father I received confession from was quite upset that we are living together. I keep thinking that maybe I made a huge mistake and I should end the relationship. Confessing made me feel so guilty. Maybe I am being too hard on myself?

We want to marry in the Catholic Church. My previous marriage has been annulled and we are waiting for his to be cleared. There has been no official proposal and after receiving confession I feel more confused then ever.

My question is: Am I wrong to be feeling this way? Should I try another Church?

If the priest seemed upset, it doesn’t mean he’s mad at you; he’s probably just really concerned that you’ve put your soul in danger, as well as that of your boyfriend. If you make an appointment outside of confession, he might be able to give you advice on how to deal with the situation.

I think it’s important to distinguish between mad/ upset and firm.
You know, the priests take their vocation seriously and part of that vocation is to protect the faithful (us) against eternal damnation.
So if it felt like he got disappointed in you he may very well be concern rather than angry.
As a other poster wrote he might be worried about your soul.

The priests mission/ calling is to deliver the gospels to us and convey the church views for us so we easier may follow it and thus increase our chances of going to heaven.
A part of that process sometimes requires a firm hand by the father.

I myself have confessed to a number of priests and they all have their very own way of delivering the sacrament.
Some are awfully serious almost like they are really disappointed while others react totally different even though you confess the same habitual sins in both cases.

Yes, I think this is sound advice.

It’s great that you went to confession and want to avoid sin. However, the priest (any priest) here is in a very difficult situation. You want forgiveness for a certain sin, but are not willing to remove the near occasion of that sin (ie stop living together). A priest in such a situation may even choose to refuse absolution - your priest was probably torn between his options and thus seemed upset.

No, you shouldn’t just try another church in the hope to find a priest who will approve of your living situation. You should try to find a way to correct things. At the moment you have the cart before the horse. You are not married but living together - bad idea. And at the moment he is not even free to consider marriage. You are entangling your two families, but what if he is not granted an annulment (that is what I assume you mean)? What then? You are building a scenario where you will put great pressure on yourself to either tear apart this family you are creating, or to walk away from your faith because it will be incompatible with your family situation.

Put God first in your life and have faith in Him. Talk to this priest about how you can navigate the challenges ahead of you, with regard to the living situation and the potential for marriage down the track.

The fact that you financially cannot leave your present living condition means that it is probably okay to continue living there. However, not to sound harsh at all, but, until your boyfriend’s previous marriage is annulled, you are living in a state of constant adultery. You did well to get yours annulled properly (for whatever unfortunate reason, I’m sorry), but until his is, you really should not be seeing each other. Living there with him and his daughter would most likely be acceptable to continue that way. But, it must be two separate beds until marriage like you mentioned.

In regard to the priest, as others have mentioned above, he is just trying to help you keep you in a state of grace. Make an appointment with him to discuss your situation and see what he has to say. That is the best advice!

And, please don’t leave the Truths of the Catholic faith for some false protestant denomination. That would be very foolish and would do absolutely nothing for you except ruin your sanctity and put your soul in jeopardy if you do not come back to the Church.

May God bless you and give you guidance! :slight_smile:

There are so many ways that you are missing a way to begin your marriage on the right foot, so many ways you are teaching your kids by poor example.

Yet it can all be changed if you humble yourself, admit to your mistakes and start again.

Your male friend seems to be taking the easy way out as well. What would it harm if you both stepped back, went to confession, told the kids you made a big mistake?

I know men who would sleep in a garage or car to avoid compromising their woman before marriage.

Think of the kids in their adult lives; how will you want them to behave?

You know the right thing, now do it.

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