Guilty feelings


#1

Hello I am slowly accepting the fact that God don't want me in his priesthood. Let's face it if you are not called God doesn't want you. For whatever reason the fact is that in the end God don't want you. That is how I honestly feel. I was very angry and resentful. I guess that is pride. I am now just hurt. What really upset me is that out of all the things the Bishop asked, the age thing was what it all boiled down to. It isn't my fault I am 39 and I'd much rather be 19. and that BS "age is just a number",,, don't make me laugh So I feel guilty for being mad and I know I am most lilely wrong. I am also guilty for being very jealous of people that are younger than I. Is there anyone here that has the same thing happen to you? Still want to do something for the church?but hit a brick wall that no matter what you do or try to do it just won't go away? I don't want to be a monk or live in a monestary. Yes the vow of poverty is not my bag. I am being honest. also I would rather work in a parish not be in a monestary far away and I am extroverted and living in a monestary would be way to hard way of life for me. Plus they want young young young people. You know you would think that especially the church would have compassion and understanding. It reminds me of the corporate world, youth and good looks and college. You hit middle age and you are thrown out like yesterday's garbage. Never thought the church would do the same thing. My great friend who is a priest brought up a great point, Did the apostles go to college??? where they highly educated? They were fishermen!! not lawyers doctors or whatever delayed vocations were before going into seminary. I don't mean to be negative, just taking this really hard. The priest agrees with me. Our bishop is an elitest and I am just a "fisherman" not good enough. I feel guilty when reading some of your posts about entering religious life and I am so not attracted to that. Is it wrong not wanting to take the vow of poverty? Thanks for any answers you guys give, beleive me you all help me when you answer. You may not all agree with how i feel but oposite opinions or perhaps different opinions may give me a different perspective on my selfish feelings. Thanks Scoob


#2

[quote="scoobydoo6v92, post:1, topic:196426"]
Hello I am slowly accepting the fact that God don't want me in his priesthood. Let's face it if you are not called God doesn't want you. For whatever reason the fact is that in the end God don't want you. That is how I honestly feel. I was very angry and resentful. I guess that is pride. I am now just hurt. What really upset me is that out of all the things the Bishop asked, the age thing was what it all boiled down to. It isn't my fault I am 39 and I'd much rather be 19. and that BS "age is just a number",,, don't make me laugh So I feel guilty for being mad and I know I am most lilely wrong. I am also guilty for being very jealous of people that are younger than I. Is there anyone here that has the same thing happen to you? Still want to do something for the church?but hit a brick wall that no matter what you do or try to do it just won't go away? I don't want to be a monk or live in a monestary. Yes the vow of poverty is not my bag. I am being honest. also I would rather work in a parish not be in a monestary far away and I am extroverted and living in a monestary would be way to hard way of life for me. Plus they want young young young people. You know you would think that especially the church would have compassion and understanding. It reminds me of the corporate world, youth and good looks and college. You hit middle age and you are thrown out like yesterday's garbage. Never thought the church would do the same thing. My great friend who is a priest brought up a great point, Did the apostles go to college??? where they highly educated? They were fishermen!! not lawyers doctors or whatever delayed vocations were before going into seminary. I don't mean to be negative, just taking this really hard. The priest agrees with me. Our bishop is an elitest and I am just a "fisherman" not good enough. I feel guilty when reading some of your posts about entering religious life and I am so not attracted to that. Is it wrong not wanting to take the vow of poverty? Thanks for any answers you guys give, beleive me you all help me when you answer. You may not all agree with how i feel but oposite opinions or perhaps different opinions may give me a different perspective on my selfish feelings. Thanks Scoob

[/quote]

Have you ever thought about serving the Lord as a permanent deacon? Just asking, I understand your hurt & am sorry that are going through this:(


#3

Thanks for your reply. I really appreciate your understanding. I don't know much about that vocation. Is it holy orders? Also if you still are desiring the priesthood,,, could you later ask the bishop to take the next step? I mean it would be serving God I will ask the Bishop to see what is required to be a Deacon. We have a Deacon that celebrates a Eucharistic service. Another call that my priest friend and I discussed was being an organist for the church. We certainly need them and I am a musician my 40th birthday that is coming up TOO soon will mark my 31st year as a musician. I am learning organ real fast. Maybe God is calling me to that. Though priesthood is a much higher calling in my mind. As well as Deacon. Anyone know what is required to be ordained as a Decaon? Thanks


#4

Is there any possibility of moving to another diocese? I know mine takes older men and 40 is not that old. In my experience with finding my own vocation, if God gives you a burning desire for something and it remains no matter how hard you try to extinguish it or how long you try to ignore it then He wants you to go after it. Sometimes it just takes a lot of time and effort to find out exact where God wants us and to achieve it. Just don’t give up! God wants each one of us for something special and unique to each one! Many of the saints had a very rough time attaining their vocations but they stuck to it!


#5

Just a clarification that might help you decide, secular priests do not take a vow of poverty.


#6

I will pray that you will know the love of God for you in a deeper way. From my own experience He only knocks down our little plans because His Design for our lives is much more beautiful. Still doesn’t make it easy though.


#7

Don't give up. I was reading thru profiles of those being ordained to the priesthood this year and many are older vocations. One is 71 years old. Many, many are middle aged and older. A few have been married, widowed and are a grandfather. Maybe approach the bishop again or investigate another diocese. I'll pray for you.


#8

I would seek out other dioceses and bishops! I know there are others who are not so narrow in their outlook. One of my favorite all time priests was ordained at the age of 57!

Don't give up.

Of course God wants you! It is for you to be certain He wants you in the priesthood. And naturally expect all kinds of setbacks and roadblocks if you are to be a HOLY priest! That comes with the territory. The enemy of souls will not make it easy for anyone to be a holy priest.


#9

[quote="Ave_Maria, post:8, topic:196426"]
I would seek out other dioceses and bishops! I know there are others who are not so narrow in their outlook. One of my favorite all time priests was ordained at the age of 57!

Don't give up.

Of course God wants you! It is for you to be certain He wants you in the priesthood. And naturally expect all kinds of setbacks and roadblocks if you are to be a HOLY priest! That comes with the territory. The enemy of souls will not make it easy for anyone to be a holy priest.

[/quote]

True!! You guys have made me feel better and I realise that I am not too old. It was just the Bishop's rules. I like him though he is such a nice man and a Holy man. I just don't agree with him on the age issue. I am contacting St Louis. I called the vocation office and asked the secratary what is their age cut off and I think she said 45, and at the same time she said but we have older vocations so there is no set age. I am waiting to hear back from the vocations director. we'll see what happens. One thing for sure the rejections have been good for me, as I don't get as dejected as in the past even though I ranted on this forum but the pain is going away much faster than in the past. Maybe this is a maturing process or a clay in the fire deal you know what I mean. Pray for me. Thanks so much for you encouraging words. Scoob.


#10

Rejection is hard but unfortunately it is part of life. Sometimes I think to be the stone God wants is to first be prepared to be the stone the builder rejects.

Rejection is something that can mould more good in us. And we have a choice how we let it affect us.

Sounds like you are on the right path and not letting one rejection stop you from making further enquiries.

Have faith in God and be prepared for his will, and he will lead you to where he wants you to be.

A priest needs to be mature and cope with rejection at times and have a strong faith and in my opinion a fortified skin.

You are correct, tribulations do have an opportunity to strengthen us and mature us. Maybe God is trying to prepare you better now for how he wants you to serve him. I hope it is as what you wish, but even if it isn't, accepting God's will for us, no matter what vocation he calls us to enter, can bring happiness and peace in simply serving him how he wishes us to serve.

My vocation is as a mother, yet it was a hard vocation to accept, not what I initially wanted, not something I felt particularly called to, or necessarily good at, but it was the vocation God chose for me, and by accepting it, and realising his will for me, I've finally found much peace.

You sound like a fine stone in the making.


#11

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