Guys and Modesty


My dad said something a little while ago and I got me wondering (well, I think it had been in my mind longer but this pushed me over the edge) are there a minimum number of buttons a guy should keep buttoned on a button down shirt (flannel or dress), particularly if not wearing a T-shirt under it? My dad seems to think we should keep all but the top collar button done, and I think it obvious that having all or all but a few undone would be inadvisable (at that point what is the difference between wearing a shirt and not) but what is that middle point after which it gets to be immodest?


Michael, your seeming obsession with modesty isn’t healthy. Get some counseling from your priest. You’ve got some extreme ideas about modesty, and it seems your dad does too.

Yes, we should be modest. No we should not obsess about it.

Having two buttons on your shirt unbuttoned is not “immodest”.

If you have scruples all the more reason to stop posting here and start talking to your priest.


I was also going to ask if you struggle with scruples, Michael. Please talk a Priest about your concerns.


I think it is more a case of me being OCD and I was more just seeking confirmation on what I was already thinking (or if perhaps I had missed something) he more seemed to disagree with it then think it a moral issue, I have no idea why.


Do you have OCD?


yes, usually manifest as germaphobia but sometimes in other ways.


Catholics that constantly make a panic deal on modesty ruin the faith

When it’s pretty clear what’s immodest

Ask a priest to console you past the scruples you dad gave you


Okay. I think this is another manifestation of your OCD - being scrupulous is a recognised form of OCD and it’s something you need to flag up to your Priest. I hope you’re getting help from a professional as well - if not, I highly recommend it.

If you are having a flare up of your OCD, it’s not a good idea to come onto a forum and ask for advice. It feeds into a cycle, where you feel at peace for a while but then the niggle will come back again, and if you rely on CAF to get rid of it, you’re not actually addressing the root problem.

Please talk to your Priest and get some professional help, if you aren’t already.


Having OCD doesn’t always mean you have scruples.

Still, you should clarify with a Priest.


I think this a manifestation of your OCD. There aren’t a specific number of buttons a guy must have buttoned. Expecting hyper-specific answers on every little tiny thing isn’t healthy.

closed #11

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