Guys being approached by girls


#1

Hi all! I was just wondering, guys, have you ever been approached by a girl? And ladies, have you ever approached a guy?

If so, guys, how did you respond and why? And ladies, what made you do it?

I have to say, though, if anything, it has given me a new appreciation for what women must go through every day of their lives.


#2

As a woman who has spent the last several years single (engaged now), my rule of thumb is to never approach a man. I do not call men until some type of dating has been established. I tell them upfront that I do not enage in premarital hanky-panky to further weed out undesirables. If they are interested, they must make the effort.

I read the book, " He’s just not that into you", and it all made amazing sense. Before that, I had no bones on approaching men, asking them out. It NEVER worked out.

No exceptions. Once I adopted this policy, my dating life because completely stress free. This way I know the man was going to be courageous and interested.

Worked.


#3

Yeah, sure, I’ve been approached by a few girls before. How did I respond? Hard to recall, but generally it depended on the type of approach. I remember one girl walking up to me in a bar on the second of a two-day bender me the the guys were on after our company went under. (This was in the days when I would could most charitably be described as a “lapsed Catholic.”) She said, “I bet I could drink you under the table.”

The details are a bit hazy, as I was already two days ahead of her. But I think I said, “Miss, your challenge is accepted! Let us apply ourselves to our drinks post-haste, but I’m afraid you have the advantage.”

It may have sounded more like, “Hrnghga, bwana drinky puke.” As I said, the details are hazy.

I do, however, remember thinking “What on earth would make a girl challenge a stranger to a drinking contest?” I wasn’t terribly impressed.

But most of the time it was more normal. I appreciated being “approached.” It takes a lot of the stress out of dating–you already know she’s interested in you that way, and you don’t have to play that tedious game where you pretend you don’t care, then flirt, then pretend you don’t care, then flirt.

I dunno. It’s a dance. Sometimes being approached by women is nice because of the refreshing honesty. Other times you just want to run away.

Nowadays, I don’t worry about it. When my wife approaches me, I know exactly what she has on her mind. That’s right–chores.


#4

I met my husband when some woman bought him a drink in a bar and he just sat there staring at it… so I leaned over and said, “It’s a drink not a marriage proposal.” He started to laugh and we started talking… and well the rest is history!


#5

I hear you, sister! Where was that book when I was young??? My parents raised me to let the men take the lead and to be a “good girl,” but the world of the 1970’s told me to be “liberated” and to pursue them and to give them easy sex. Of course I considered my parents to be hopelessly old-fashioned, but guess what? They were right. And maybe if a book like that had been around, I would have listened to these truths coming from a peer rather than a parent.

So here we are, 30 years later. At this point in my life, I’m not free to date unless and until I get my annulment. The dating pool is quite a bit smaller at 50+ than it was at 20, but it’s going to be up to the man to make the moves. And if he is compatible with me in the things that matter and can deal with my crazy work schedule and my responsibilities in caring for my elderly parents, if he can love my cats, and be OK with the fact that he’s not going to get any premarital “goodies,” well, he just may be Mr. Right! Talk about ways to weed out the undesirables…! :eek:


#6

I never asked a guy out or anything. But if the situation presented itself and I liked the guy, I might say something friendly or funny and start a conversation. I’m relatively old fashioned–I like guys taking the initiative–but I also wasn’t going to make it take a huge act of courage for a guy to have a good conversation. I met my hubby online and the same goes for that. I never wrote to a guy first, but I tried to make my profile as interesting, fun, and inviting as a I could so he wouldn’t have a hard time making the first move…:stuck_out_tongue:


#7

I approached a guy once. I did it because we had been flirting all summer and he was too shy to ask me out…and I was about to go back to school and possibly never see him again so I had to make a last ditch effort to get him to ask me out :rolleyes:


#8

I never approached any guy. I was always shy about doing that and my parents always thought me, specially my father, to always wait on the guy to make the first move. If I was not interested, to kindly just fizzle out the communication, but to never be rude to them.

One time I went out with my GFs to a bar (rarely did I hang out at bars…don’t drink or smoke) and a guy kept buying his drinks by where I was (I was sitting at the bar). He went there a couple of times to buy drinks and after like the 3rd time, he spoke to me. He chit chatted about this and that and I guess he liked me and felt comfortable with me that he ended up asking me out for LUNCH! That’s right, LUNCH, not dinner, but LUNCH! So I thought that was very nice of him and liked him, too.

That guy and I have been married for over 5 years now and have 2 wonderful boys and a third one coming! He is the best that has ever happened to me! :smiley:


#9

I kind of did this, but I’m not sure it’s the sense you mean. I met my bf in a neutral setting- we had 4 hrs of class together a day for a year. After a few months we each had developed a romantic interest in the other which became more and more obvious as time went on. It was the kind of situation, however, where neither person specifically stated the interest out loud, so it became very dragged out. The feelings were strong enough though that neither of us detached from the relationship, and after liking him for a year, I finally just kissed him.

Now you “He’s just not that into you” people might say he didn’t initiate the romantic relationship because he wasn’t interested, but that was definitely not the case in our situation. We’ve been together for nearly two years now. :thumbsup:

The reason he didn’t ask me out? He’d never had a girlfriend before and was working on a very slow approach. I just hastened the process a little bit and he didn’t mind in the least.


#10

Awwww…I love all the stories with happy-endings…:stuck_out_tongue:
I have never been one to approch a guy. I’m not really a shy person, but I am too shy for that :o , besides, I am very approchable and people usually are pretty comfortable approching me. If there was a guy I was interested in I would talk to him and be my usual charming self, but I let him do any “asking out” :smiley:


#11

That’s kind of what happened between my bf and me… we talked for a few weeks over MSN and phone (living a few hours-drive apart), then mutually realized that we REALLY liked each other, and then he got me to ask him if I loved him, so he could tell me that he did. :stuck_out_tongue: I, of course, replied the same, and we’ve been together for 2 years and 3 months now. ^^ I count him as having initiated it, because I never would have had the courage to ask him if he hadn’t been guiding me very gently towards asking, knowing exactly what I wanted to ask, and he wanting me to ask it. Confusing, I know, but it worked. ^^


#12

I’ve had some experience here and I can say that a girl can definitely do it in a respectable way. There’s always a way of saying or acting out things in such a way as to make a favourable impression, not cross any major boundaries, and send the right message across. There’s nothing wrong with a girl initiating a conversation or even making an offer of sorts. A whole friendship or romance can start from a simple comment directed by a girl to a guy, as in what BlestOne describes. Sometimes people just don’t see, they’re preoccupied with something else, they’re worried about our reaction, or they lack experience. Doesn’t mean we should be obliged to skip them. Now, I’m not saying a girl should behave like a guy does… girls have other ways. And as some have told me, it’s only guys who think they really initiate it. :wink: But sometimes, if need be, the girl can be a bit more overt, sure. Better than missing the guy, longing and wondering.

In fact, I’d say girls already quite often initiate things, just in such subtle ways that not every guy would realise. Sometimes they lose interest if the guy starts reciprocating instead of acting cool about it. I have to say I don’t like being involved in this kind of thing. I don’t really fancy dealing with someone who will lose her interest because I begin to return it. :wink: And if someone wants something from me, the worst idea is pretending it’s I who want something from him.

Also, if spending time together is satisfactory to both parties, I expect some initiative from the girl. I don’t like any going back on promises, fake hesitation, making active effort not to show any care etc. Some girls train guys like they do spaniels and that’s not a good thing.


#13

That generally tends to happen only when I’m already seeing someone and therefore can’t do anything about it. It’s as if women have radar for that kind of thing.

I tend to get suspicious if I’m single and a woman (Who I don’t know) hints interest towards me. Too many are out there just to mess with people’s minds.

I think its best that we find someone we like and pursue her, rather than wait for whoever is willing to date us. The latter strategy is almost guranteed to give us less than what we truly want in a relationship.


#14

I did it a few times and it never worked out. I think most guys would be flattered but feel like the women may be somewhat desperate or be put off by it. In any case it’s not for me but who knows maybe that’s why I’m still single. The kind of guy that would interest me is one who would take the lead and make some effort. I keep running into lazy guys who expect a big return for little or ne effort. :rolleyes: I believe I worth a little effort after all and tend to loose interest or get bored if they aren’t willing to put some energy into it. I think the main problem is I had such a great dad and he has always treated ladies like they are queens…with an example like that I can’t settle for less. :shrug: :cool:


#15

My son reports that he is continuously approached by young women who are after one thing only. He is very disgusted with today’s young women. He thinks they are pigs. He is in his early twenties.


#16

My problem is that I tend to put in too much effort. Well, only with those girls that really catch my fancy. Sometimes, though, me being too serious tends to scare them off. But that’s just the way I am, guess I need to find someone who can appreciate that.


#17

My wife asked me over for coffee before we started dating. We had a bunch of mutual friends and knew of each other, but didn’t really know each other. Unfortunately, during our conversation we had a misunderstanding when she said she only dated friends. My definition of “Friend” and her definition were not the same, so I didn’t ask her out for another two months after that. I have few friends and lots of acquaintances and she has lots of friends and a few best friends. Anyway, she still hasn’t let me live that down after almost 8 years of marriage. If we both had the same understanding of a single word, we probably would have started dating right then, and never looked back.

The point that I’m making, is that it can work under the right circumstances. I can say the same thing that a lot of the women here are saying. Me asking girls out never worked and nothing came of it. I never thought my wife was desperate for approaching me.


#18

I have been and it all depends. I agree with the other posters about situations and approach method. Someone who does so with dignity and class is well received. Otherwise, it can lower my opinion of the girl. After all, who wants to be with someone who doesn’t have any self respect.


#19

It happens a lot to me. Till they see the ring. I am not that great looking but I wear kilts. Kilts are chick magnets.


#20

Yup, I’ve had the same problem. On the other hand, I’ve also had a problem with a seemingly opposite thing. That is, I tire if I have to make the sole effort. I don’t want a girl to be head over hills for me just because I’ve shown some interest, but I always want to be treated like a serious person and I don’t take well to the kind of games girls put guys through to test them or I don’t know what. I imagine the test outcome in my case is, “this one will not be moulded,” and then it’s bye bye. On the other hand, some girls take it for a weakness if a guy is too soft or kind with them and they don’t want a weak one… you get the idea. Personally, I don’t much regret that those particular ones have skipped me then. I’d rather someone who will not take kindness for weakness and who will respect other people on principle.

A bitter source of disagreement has been my attitude on matching - I believe the way people get along and blend together is more important than the conquering process and that women should think which guy will be good for and to them, rather than who wins the chase. I can’t really be bothered to show initiative and cough my lungs out for someone who doesn’t care, so yes, I do expect some sort of feedback from the girl. At the very least, I expect kindness and respect due in normal social interaction. Some ladies will act like ladies and will unquestionably stay ladies even when they are approaching a guy. Some others can’t really take attention like a lady, sadly. No, I’m not angered, just a bit of sadness, some grain of bitterness. At any rate, happier single than in a dysfunctional relationship. Good upbringing is a rare find this days, especially one coupled with some compassion and a sense of right and wrong, and of justice.

You say nothing about the process of being tested by the girl, don’t you? How do you take this one? I generally am fond of it very much, in fact, it’s a part of a tradition I cling to, but on the other hand, in the modern renditions, it’s something disheartening. Basically, I have little patience for people acting like you’re two social classes below, or who’ll test you like you’re a schoolkid or a criminal on parole. Not like I don’t test girls in some ways, sure. In fact, being able to approach a guy they like (in casu the humble me) and do it in a ladylike way would be a big plus… while all this is subject to Charity Override ™, meaning that any scores are topped by and bow down to simple charity in dealing with things and with people.


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