Guys - How do you overrule your desire for sex?


#1

Hi

To those of you who waited / are waiting until marriage. How did you control yourself?. My desire for sex is huge and would find it incredibly difficult waiting however many years i’m with my partner before getting married. How do you do it?

I believe its a lot easier for women, i read that the male desire for sex is about 20 times higher than for womens. However i don’t know how the author of the article i read figured that out as they obviously don’t have experience in the body of the other !!

Thanks
Andy


#2

I’m not sure I understand the situation: if you are “with your partner” already, just get married.


#3

I’m not a guy, but I married one. :smiley:

My husband and I have had this discussion, and his reply to me was something like this, “I was a nerd; I didn’t even have the opportunity until we became a couple. After that, it was self control, and a certain maturity. You realize that it’s worth it to commit yourself to one woman, and not have any regrets about doing it with anyone else.” It helped that we were both committed to saving sex for marriage (he didn’t pressure me, and I didn’t pressure him). Oh, and marrying young helped, too. :wink:

For what it’s worth, we met at 15 years old, started dating at 17, got engaged at 20, and married at 22.


#4

I’m trying to overrule my desire for sex too, and I’m a 28-year-old female.

It is NOT easier for women. NOT this woman. :frowning:


#5

It’s hard to do if you don’t draw lines at the beginning of the relationship, and be strict about those lines. Just communicate with your girlfriend and make sure you are both on the same page.

I made the mistake of not really clarifying things with my girlfriend when we were together. No sex was our rule, but everything else was fair game. DON’T repeat my mistake. Stay fully pure, you won’t regret it, and you’ll be able to give your wife every part of yourself on your wedding night…


#6

I’m a woman, and I want to say two things here.

I agree with the lady that said it isn’t easier for women. That is very true.

And I would also like to second what Rusty said, that it is a lot easier if you set the boundaries at the beginning of the relationship. I know this from experience. Two failed marriages (both due to got pregnant out of wedlock, married for “sake of the child”) and had to go through getting them annulled so I could come into the Church - I converted from being a Pagan. I am currently engaged to a wonderful Catholic man who is the one who led me back to God and the Church. When we started dating, even before I converted, right at the very start we talked about sex and waiting for marriage. Clear boundaries were in place right from the start, so that made it a lot easier to behave.


#7

It’s really not that hard. I think I somehow conditioned myself to absolutely accept that I should not have sex with any woman who is not my wife a long time ago. I think it also helps that I’m pretty sure I would not be good at it anyway.


#8

I would talk to my partner about it and let them know the situation. I would be honest and tell them that I desire sex, but that we must wait until married. (Of course, before all this, you probably want to make sure they are on the same page as you are.) Anyways, just communicate with your partner, and share your struggles with them. This way, you are both able to pray together and support each other. Just my two cents:) .


#9

I dont know about the comparison with men and women, who has greater urges etc… I guess its more about the individual… one thing I have discovered is that people are pretty innocent and its not so difficult to stay pure… until they open the door and start messing around with their sexuality… then the sexuality becomes awake and the urges can become really big sometimes.
My sexuality is awake through my own fault… now I gotta deal with this foolish thing that I brought upon my self… what do I do when my body starts telling me “I want sex and I want it now”? (and even the word “sex” or the hint of something sexual in a movie can be enough to get this run-away body acting up sometimes"… I tell my body: “You want sex huh: well you aint gotta get it for a looooong, loooong time. End of story”. I look down at my body and I laugh at it and just hope that I find a husband one day who will be passionate but also full of self control…( this combination is most sexy). I mean… what is a person who cant even rule his or her own flesh but a beast?
The key: dont even go into a dialog with your flesh or with the devil… dont go into a negotiation with him about it. Simply said: I will not do it. My body is for my beloved wife… not me and not another woman…or women. I dont want to rob my future bride of whats her’s. Its that simple. And from what I hear its worth it…

To the OP… but if you were in Africa surrounded by people with HIV you would probably experience a sudden self-control right? Because that would be to your own benefit.

Sex is a gift… a pure gift… given to the one you love. Love is best expressed within the utmost commmitment, marriage.


#10

Become a nerd…You won’t have a choice then…

In all seriousness, praying all the time helps. You won’t think about that kind of stuff when you’re basically on the phone with God.


#11

Hi

Thanks for the replies.

Andy


#12

Andy, one needs to pray a lot and make the effort. I honestly don’t know what I would have done if I had had the opportunity. I hadn’t crossed the line, so I didn’t have to get out of it. There were things I did and should not have done, but if you ask how it went… Don’t know. Perhaps a lot of people prayed for me.

Be strong. Pray. :wink: We aren’t all that very strong, so we shouldn’t count on it too much. Pray a lot. :wink:

And I don’t agree it’s 20 times easier for women.


#13

Well I would say set lines and keep them. And if you are too tempted you could always go with St. Francis of Assisi’s method. When he was more tempted to give into sexual desire then he had ever been he took off his clothes and threw himself naked into a rose bush. He was determined to beat his desires to stay chaste. While you may wanna think twice about jumping naked into rose bushes, what you should take from this, if you tempted do what it takes to avoid it.

Pray pray and pray. It might hurt sometimes to avoid these situations, it may cause you to hurt your relationships, but in then end it is worth it.


#14

To be perfectly honest…this is the one of the major sins I struggle with in my own life is sins of lust. Being a new Catholic, I was never exposed to the idea of masturbation being a sin. In my Protestant background, it was just never talked about at all. What I’ve started doing recently is trying to fill those times up when lust tends to strike with other activities. During the day I play a computer game and get on message boards if I’m going to be on the computer…especially Catholic message boards such as this one (keeps the eyes from lurking to inappropriate sites). At night, another time when it hits, I have started praying the Rosary every single night, and if I’m not asleep yet I’ll watch EWTN or read the Catechism of the Catholic Church or the Bible.

It takes quite a bit of effort, but it is worth it. Trust me, the other way was not good at all. Sure…it might have seemed great at the time, but the guilt afterward was unbearable to me. I end up not even praying because I feel so bad for what I’ve done I don’t feel like I can turn to God.


#15

You really keep yourself busy and no room for Satan to lurk in. :thumbsup:


#16

Keep busy with friends. Do things with your priests at your parish. Pray for self control and God’s will.

And, in my opinion, don’t get into a committed relationship until you can provide for a wife and family.


#17

I would say avoid the stuff that might set you off or lead to temptation. If it’s any consolutation it isn’t any easier for women. I don’t know the media portrays it as a mans problem only but women struggle as well. It comes down to choice in the end. Do you want instant gratification or would you rather wait and share yourself with someone who really cares about you. :thumbsup:


closed #18

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