I’ve come here before and had such an outpouring of help that I thought I’d see if you have any insight on my situation this time. Thanks in advance!
Basically, I have a wonderful husband, but this wedding anniversary (of all days), we had one of the worst fights we’ve ever had and I’m really struggling to forgive and wrap my head around what needs to change for us to get to a better place.
To give you background, we’ve had a rough year, with one of our beloved pets passing away unexpectedly on my birthday, moving in with our FIL, which has had it’s own challenges, my husband enduring an unsatisfying and demanding job while we save up enough money to move out. On the other hand, we have things we are blessed with. My career has allowed us to travel to Jamaica and enjoy some relaxation once I was done my work. We are planning our next move to be at our dream city. We have a very supportive family. We were able to take a trip of a lifetime (since we don’t have kids, but are planning to soon, we decided it was the best time to do a “bucket list” trip to places we’ve always dreamed of going to). Now that we are back from the trip, we now have enough money/freedom to finally start the process of moving out.
Onto what happened on the anniversary. We were on our bucket list trip for a few days, walking and seeing the sights. The day before our anniversary, I injured myself walking and my left foot became so painful, I barely made it back to my hotel room, crying. My husband thought it was a muscle strain, so I iced it and rested that night. Well, the morning came and I was in excruciating pain, along with nauseousness, which stressed us out, since we just started this trip and this was a major issue. I told him I would continue resting it that morning and we could take it easy, grabbing lunch at a place around the block of the hotel room, so we didn’t have to walk much. He was supportive, but obviously stressed about my happiness.
Lunch came around and those few steps to the restaurant left me winded and even more nauseous. I sat down and thought the nauseousness would leave, since I was sitting, so we ordered. When the food came around, I thought I was going to be sick just smelling the food. At that point, my husband just shut down. He was so upset that I could not only walk and enjoy the city we were in, but that I also couldn’t even eat and enjoy the food. I had to ask for a takeaway box for my food, but said I could stay while he ate his, so I didn’t completely ruin the meal. The whole time though, I felt hurt that he was upset. Instead of worrying about me, he was worried about the trip and was in a bad mood, while eating lunch.
We went back and found out where the nearest dr was, since this needed to get treated. The doctor had no more openings for the day but could see me the next morning. This left me to conclude that we should stay in the hotel room the rest of the day, since I couldn’t do anything else until I saw the Dr. I fell asleep after putting my foot up and then woke up 2 hours later to see my husband sitting next to me with an upset look on his face, staring off into space. I asked him what was wrong and he said he just wanted to cancel this whole trip and go back home, that I was injured and it wasn’t worth it. Just so you know, he’s a pessimist and I’m an optimist. This hurt incredibly much to me, since I was the one who was injured, and yet I had to be the one to cheer him up or help him see the positives, which I barely had any energy for. Don’t get me wrong, my husband has been a rock for me in hard times, but when he’s in a bad mood like this, I have to be the strong one, and I wasn’t up for the task, when I needed him most. All I needed was for him to try to lift my spirits, since I was upset at this dream trip starting out this way as well, plus being in such pain.
I tried again and again lift him up, saying I just needed this day to rest and we will see the dr. who will help me tomorrow, so we can continue on. I kept telling him that we had a whole week and half to go and all was not lost. But he just kept replying in negative comments, telling me I was delusional and that we need to scrap everything. He swore he would never travel again, since this happened, there was too much money involved to just throw away. This really hurt, since we’ve always been the couple who wants to experience new things and travel. It worried me as well, since his father has a tendency to never repeat an experience, if any thing went wrong in the past. (for example, my husband’s father never took his kids out for summer vacation growing up, since his father took him on a vacation as a child and long story short, it was a terrible vacation for my FIL) So instead of writing it off as my husband being melodramatic, it struck me as something scarily like his dad’s behavior. My husband also kept commenting on how many people are outside right now, enjoying the city while we are stuck inside.
Part 2 in the next post below…