had to put my guide dog, Macy to rest yesterday, the cancer progressed and she was starting to suffer too much.
my heart is completely broken, I simply can’t understand this at all. I just don’t know why she got cancer at 3 years old, why she couldn’t live out her doggy life for the next 10 years like she was supposed to. I kept praying for a miracle too but it wasn’t meant to be, I guess.
and I keep blaming myself, I keep wondering if it was something I could have done differently to prevent it. She was always happy, the most friendly dog, patient, very obedient, really the best dog, you did everything she was told. Even when she was sick, she never complained about it. I did notice she trembled a few times while I was at work or choir, I thought maybe she needed to pee, or maybe she was cold, maybe I could have done something more about that, she did have a blanket at work but maybe it wasn’t enough, I did take her out and she seemed to be fine after, at church sometimes they left the door slightly ajar so I think maybe that made her cold, but I figured it wasn’t such a long time and she would be ok, maybe I shold have been more careful, maybe that inadvertently caused gene mutation because it’s a type of stress, I really don’t know anymore.
on the other hand, cancer doesn’t just develop overnight, she likely already had it for a while and we just didn’t know because there were no symptoms and by the time there were, it was already too advanced.
does catholicism at least allow for the possibility that God may return our animals to us when he remakes heaven and earth? I just need some sort of consolation, I know they have different souls so they don’t necessarly enter in to the heavenly state, but God has the ability to remake his creation, doesn’t he? it’s just too painful to think that she simply doesn’t exist anymore and I will never see her again.