Happiness


#1

Hello Everyone :slight_smile:

I have returned to the Church with a lot of desire :slight_smile: Through my life experiences I have realised that the only way we can happy is through God and God alone - that’s the only thing that makes me happy anyway. I love making people happy and I love making God happy by being as perfect as I can, or at least please Him by trying my best :slight_smile:

The problem that I have is that I want to be a husband to a Catholic woman for God and to have children for Him :slight_smile: I have a problem with women though :frowning: I believe that my type of women are all nuns :frowning: I think this because I cannot find anyone that is as equally 100% non-materialistic as me. I love this woman and she is my girlfriend at the moment but we are going through difficulties as my desire for God has now made me 100% non-materialistic! She wants to see places in the world and she is not not 100% materialistic, but she is pretty awesome apart from that and I love her kinda.

My main purpose is for God though so I just don’t know what to do. She wants to see places around the world, but not in an expensive outrageous way. I have told her that God is the only way that she can be happy and that there are people suffering that need that money. I have said that it won’t bring her happiness. I cannot find a woman that matches me and I believe that they are all nuns :smiley:

What should I do? She is not giving in to the idea and she must go to see these places. As a husband I would want to make her happy. I know that the holidays would not make her truly happy. I also do not want my kids to turn out like her. Should I be with her and let her go on these holidays on her own and let her realise that they don’t make her happy? My whole heart is devoted to others and God, so I have no interest in materialistic pleasures for myself.

Hmm, any thoughts? Maybe I should become a priest or monk. I would not be happy as a monk. I know that they want to try and be perfect on their own, but I am a totally giving person so my heart is not set on being in a monastery trying to be perfect for my own self-interest. I could maybe be a priest but I don’t know. I like the idea of serving people but I don’t think that these people can match my desire and love. I think that only nuns can match my heart and desire, but are they not similar to monks? :confused:

God bless

Dylan


#2

[quote="crazydyl, post:1, topic:195237"]
I have returned to the Church with a lot of desire :)

[/quote]

Good. Now comes the wait. God will purify it through long waiting and trials.

Through my life experiences I have realised that the only way we can happy is through God and God alone - that's the only thing that makes me happy anyway.

Absolutely. Make sure you spend a long time in meditation every day.

I love making people happy and I love making God happy by being as perfect as I can, or at least please Him by trying my best

The call to holiness is universal. :) Keep at it.

The problem that I have is that I want to be a husband to a Catholic woman for God and to have children for Him :) I have a problem with women though :( I believe that my type of women are all nuns :( I think this because I cannot find anyone that is as equally 100% non-materialistic as me.

Careful about making any sort of judgment on women like this... in reference to yourself. I don't doubt your zeal, but I do doubt your self-knowledge. Are you really so detached from the world as you think? My thought is: if you've only just returned to the Church, it's unlikely. True detachment comes from years of purifying silence and trials.

I love this woman and she is my girlfriend at the moment but we are going through difficulties as my desire for God has now made me 100% non-materialistic! She wants to see places in the world and she is not not 100% materialistic, but she is pretty awesome apart from that and I love her kinda.

Is she Catholic? Does she hold to the teachings of the Church? She may not be as zealous as you, but she may be more prudent. Most of us come back to the Church ready to SET EVERYTHING RIGHT, because we suddenly think we know how everything should be... and we think that if only we were in charge, that we would know exactly how to set everything right. It's a lot like what Galadriel says in the Lord of the Rings-- she imagines what it would be like for her to have the great ring, and she realizes that she would become a tyrant.

Thankfully, with time and purification, we all grow out of this. :)

My main purpose is for God though so I just don't know what to do. She wants to see places around the world, but not in an expensive outrageous way. I have told her that God is the only way that she can be happy and that there are people suffering that need that money. I have said that it won't bring her happiness. I cannot find a woman that matches me and I believe that they are all nuns :D

At the same time, some people do need to 'get out and see the world.' I know I certainly don't. But some people do.

What should I do? She is not giving in to the idea and she must go to see these places. As a husband I would want to make her happy. I know that the holidays would not make her truly happy. I also do not want my kids to turn out like her. Should I be with her and let her go on these holidays on her own and let her realise that they don't make her happy? My whole heart is devoted to others and God, so I have no interest in materialistic pleasures for myself.

If you honestly don't think that either (i) you could marry her, and (ii) that you'd want her to raise your children, then stop dating her. Period.

Hmm, any thoughts? Maybe I should become a priest or monk. I would not be happy as a monk. I know that they want to try and be perfect on their own, but I am a totally giving person so my heart is not set on being in a monastery trying to be perfect for my own self-interest. I could maybe be a priest but I don't know. I like the idea of serving people but I don't think that these people can match my desire and love. I think that only nuns can match my heart and desire, but are they not similar to monks?

Dude, God speaks to us through our desires. He will NEVER lead us to a vocation that would make us unhappy. The problem is that we don't know what he wants because we're so deep in our own sin and self-will that we can't hear His call, or perhaps, as the sinners we are, we find good and holy things-- the things he wants us to do-- to be repulsive. It's kind of like how a sick person might find wholesome food nauseating.

The only answer is holiness, and I don't mean counterfeit, holier-than-thou, piety. I mean A lifetime committed to prayer, confession and service. Do you want to know what God wants from you? Confess your sins regularly. Pray a lot (do you spend time in meditative prayer every day? Start with a half hour if you don't. Jack it up to a full hour if you already do. Just start saying rosaries and doing lectio divina :)). (<-- This is essential.) And start serving others.

And wait.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

And at some point-- have hope-- God will purify your desires enough that you will know what He wants from you. And then you will need to have hope that He will give it to you.

God bless,
Rob


#3

[quote="crazydyl, post:1, topic:195237"]
The problem that I have is that I want to be a husband to a Catholic woman for God and to have children for Him :) I have a problem with women though :( I believe that my type of women are all nuns :( I think this because I cannot find anyone that is as equally 100% non-materialistic as me.

[/quote]

There are millions of holy Catholic women in the world. Don't give up. Keep looking :).

[quote="crazydyl, post:1, topic:195237"]
I love this woman and she is my girlfriend at the moment but we are going through difficulties as my desire for God has now made me 100% non-materialistic! She wants to see places in the world and she is not not 100% materialistic, but she is pretty awesome apart from that and I love her kinda.

[/quote]

You can't marry someone who you love "kinda." And you also can't marry someone if you're going to be controlling of her. You have to work with her, even if you don't feel she wants what's best for her. You shouldn't be looking for how to conform her to you but for how to conform yourself to her. That's sacrificial love. I'll explain what I'm talking about more in a moment.


#4

[quote="crazydyl, post:1, topic:195237"]
My main purpose is for God though so I just don't know what to do. She wants to see places around the world, but not in an expensive outrageous way. I have told her that God is the only way that she can be happy and that there are people suffering that need that money. I have said that it won't bring her happiness.

[/quote]

Here's a very important scripture dealing with this.

2 Corinthians 9:7, "Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."

Your girlfriend does not desire to give in all the ways you want to give, so she should not be required to do so. God only wants people to give what they want to give out of love. As Paul says in 1 Cor. 13:3, "If I give all my possessions to feed the poor . . . but do not have love, it profits me nothing." If she gives to the poor because of you pushing her, but not because she actually wants to, it will profit her nothing.

In the Sacrament of Marriage, looking after your relationship with your spouse is your first priority, not taking care of the needs of the poor. If traveling makes your girlfriend happy, that's fine! There's nothing wrong with traveling, and love is looking to make the beloved happy more than looking to make the self happy. Deeper intimacy with God is, of course, as you know, the ultimate source of happiness. However, no one can force anyone else into greater unity with this source of happiness. People develop deeper love of God over time; no one can be forced along in the journey faster than they will go themselves out of free and loving desire.

There's also nothing wrong with godly people taking some enjoyment in God's creation. There is nothing wrong with your friend's desire to travel.

It's necessary for anyone interested in a serious relationship with someone else to focus on how to conform ourselves to their desires rather than conform them to our desires. That doesn't mean you need to abandon your relationship with God, but you should show your love of God by loving your girlfriend and putting her interests ahead of yours. Perhaps if you sacrifice some of what you want for her, she will in time decide that she wants to sacrifice some of what she wants for you. Relationships should be mutually self-abandoning, for self-abandonment is at the core of genuine love. But we must not focus on how to get girlfriends to abandon themselves -- that's their responsibility before God. Our job is to focus on how to abandon ourselves for them.

St. Paul the Apostle wrote about marriage that each marriage should look like the relationship between Christ and His Church. Paul wrote that Christ gave up His life for His Church, just as a husband should abandon his life for his wife. Here's the reference, Ephesians 5:25.

"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."

We need to sacrifice ourselves, and that is at the heart of genuine love. If you aren't willing to sacrifice yourself without thought of return, sacrificing yourself only for the good of the beloved, putting what she wants above what you want as Christ did for us, you need to look for someone else because your love is not strong enough to form a foundation for the relationship.

A man is the ruler in his household but his love must be sacrificial, like that of Christ for the Church. St. Paul gave wives a responsibility to submit to their husbands but he gave an equally vital responsibility to men to sacrifice themselves for their wives, for that is true love. In your particular situation, sacrificing your interest by supporting your girlfriend in her travel interests would be the loving choice. To insist that she give to the poor instead will only make her miserable, and contradicts what Paul taught about the importance of us only giving what we desire in our hearts to give.

We men must focus on how to improve our love through sacrifice. That is central to men's responsibility before God in marriage. That is how we love both God and our wives, by sacrificing our interest for theirs without thought of return, only for the good of the beloved. It takes strength, discipline and courage, but it also produces genuine love and communion between people.

No one can force or push someone else to love God more, though.

Song of Songs 2:7 says, "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires."

Love for God and the poor can only come from the heart. It cannot be forced from the outside. And the greatest love, which men especially are called by God to exhibit in relationships, is sacrificial love. This involves putting the desires or interests of the spouse above one's own. Building, maintaining and protecting a loving and unified relationship with a spouse is more important a responsibility for a married man than is taking care of the poor. Our responsibility must first be to God, then to our spouse, and then to others. This love must always be about giving, not taking, and it must be free, not forced.

God bless you and your girlfriend.

Your brother in Christ,

Lief


#5

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