I came across some messages between my husband and a coworker. I have come across messages similar to these in the past with other women. My husband says it’s harmless flirting. I say it’s not because (1) it hurts me, (2) it has a sexual tone to it (3) he’s being paid to work not exchange flirty messages with coworkers. And, according to some of the messages, they know it’s something they’re not supposed to be doing so they’re going through personal emails (online accts). I told him if it wasn’t something he would do in front of me then he probably shouldn’t be doing it. He said he wouldn’t do it in front of me or tell me about it because he knows how I’d feel. Isn’t that a clue as to whether he should be doing it or not??
He says I should just not read the messages and that there’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing and that any psychologist or counselor would say just as much. I told him we could go talk to the priest at our church and see if he agrees with that. Personally, I don’t care what any counselor would say because if it’s hurtful to me then it isn’t harmless. My husband also says that if I knew the whole story that I wouldn’t be upset. IMHO, it doesn’t really matter what the whole story is if I’m reading messages that talk about how her own personal “nekkid pictures” are better than fakes and my husband asking her if her nickname is “Cinnamon or SINamon” and she responds “Oooh! I like that. It’s SINsual”…and pretty much every email ending with a wink.
Does it matter if he has no intentions of taking it any further? When I tell him it is hurtful to me and makes me feel like I’m not enough for him he basically says that’s my problem, not his. Then when I kept pressing he started in on how if he doesn’t get what he needs at home then he has to get it from somewhere. I told him that’s an excuse and he wasn’t going to blame me for what he was doing…and that I don’t feel a lot of my needs (emotional mainly) are being met by him but I do NOT go out and try to find them elsewhere.
He didn’t really respond when I presented the scenario turned around…what if it was me talking to other men like that. He didn’'t say it wouldn’t bother him…he didn’t say anything except to continue to excuse himself.
I hope I’ve given enough information to receive a response…am I overreacting? Am I nuts for expecting him not to do something like this because it’s hurtful to me, even though he sees nothing wrong with it and thinks I’m oversensitive? I feel he’s trying to say it’s my problem because I don’t agree with him.