Has anyone else felt like a "reluctant soul"?

Unable to fit in? Feeling unable to do well in school or work life? Feeling frightened of the future? Feeling unworthy of human relationships? Feeling lonely? Feeling the inability to rise above a bad situation?

That’s been me for 20 out of 27 years. I wonder constantly if I’m really supposed to make the most out of life as others around me…if I’m truly supposed to be here.

Has anyone else dealt with this, especially as a young(er) adult? I just don’t know what my vocation is anymore.

I keep thinking of the past, and wanting to return to “simpler” days (that mainly consisted hiding in my room and reading books).

Spiritual counseling and individual counseling have sort-of-helped, but I think I can’t shake these ideas.

I don’t want to be fishing in the dark here, but have you considered talking to a medical doctor about your feelings? I have depression and I used to feel the way you are describing when I wasn’t on my medication and had a relapse. It’s not healthy to feel lonely. It’s also not healthy to feel so down in the dumps that you aren’t able to overcome a bad situation.

If regular counseling hasn’t helped, it may be time to consider talking to a doctor to try out some medication. You may just be going through this temporarily or it could be a permanent chemical imbalance (like mine). Either way, you need to find some assistance to get you out of the “blues.”

You have my prayers! :blush:

I feel a small degree of these things, yes.

In general I have quite a negative view about myself and this world. No, I’m not depressed, but I’m a pretty negative person. I don’t always show it, but it just seems to be my nature to feel negative and think about the things the OP mentioned.

I always pray for continued faith, increased desire to love God and be cheerful. That’s probably what helps me the most right now. Prayer is always an answer! :slight_smile: :thumbsup:

Many people do go through self-doubt and the wish to withdraw.

you may find it helpful to read Matthew 25 verses 31-46, in which Jesus makes clear that our lives are not to be lived for ourselves alone but also for others…and that upon this depends our eternal salvation


May God bless you and may God bless others through you.

I had a quick look at your other posts. You mention depression on one of them. So I suppose this might be a factor.

I put up with a lot of rejection when I was younger, mainly from my father, and it completely destroyed my confidence (and he did it deliberately too, which is why I find it so hard to forgive him).

So when I had a couple of failures, I didn’t think I had much of a future to look forward to. And to some extent, I hold God responsible for that. Even my old pastor, for whom I developed a lot of respect, once said to me “All He’s (God’s) done all your life is humiliate you! What have you done to deserve all this??”

In your case, it would seem you’re somewhat introverted, since you liked to retire to your room and read books. But this wouldn’t help you much in your search for social involvement.

However Christ did say “My yoke is light and easy”, according to most translations. JB Phillips apparently phrased that in his NT translation as “My yoke fits…”. That is to say, whatever Christ wants you to do will, or should, fit in with your basic nature as it is. It may not necessarily be “light or easy” and I think the common translation is a bit misleading. JB Phillips meaning is probably closer to the intent.

So you may need to find out just what your gifts are and then work out ways of using them to line up with Christ’s will. In my own case, I know I’m supposed to be writing, but I also feel so cheesed off with God’s unfair treatment that I’ve dragged my feet on it for a long time. I’m not a bad observer for example, and as my psychiatrist put it, “I think in you (ie. me), the gift of observation is highly developed. While other people are doing things, you’re watching things.”

He then went on to say, “It’s a sterile gift in a way, since it doesn’t lead to anything. But you can use this gift by writing, in order to get people to reflect on things.”

So my “sterile” gift of observing can, if I put on Christ’s yoke, be fitted to writing, and thus causing other people to reflect. But as I said, apart from laziness, I often feel pretty cranky about God’s unfairness, and dig my heels in. It’s my way of getting even, even if it’s only going to backfire on me in the end. Although I think there’s a bit more at stake than just me.

However the same principle would apply to you. You have certain characteristics, and God’s given them to you, whether you like them or not. There is a way in which Christ can use them, but you have to find it. The problem is that you might wish they were different gifts eg. being more extroverted, more technical, harder working, better at making money, more businesslike or whatever.

But unfortunately you’re stuck with them. So all you can do is get Christ to tell you exactly what he wants you to do, and how to use the gifts that He has given you as He would like them used, so that His “yoke fits”.

If that’s any use to you.

Thanks…my spiritual adviser told me to direct everything as prayer, even if it’s worrisome thoughts. It’s helped to an extent.

Could it be depression? Maybe; there’s times when I don’t feel negative and down. I’m more frightened of taking medication to create artificial feelings of happiness and creativity.

It’s funny that I didn’t realize I initially posted this on Vocation Sunday, and I’ve had a real lack of inspiration lately.

How did you find your “vocation” or inspiration or calling?

I don’t feel ready or worthy for love, marriage and family…yet I can almost cry when I think of certain families that are part of my extended family, and I want the holy, stable and fulfilling lives they lead.

At the same time, I feel so discouraged when I look at my peers that I again feel like that “reluctant soul;” I’m not your typical young adult.

Thanks. I have almost the same problem. :open_mouth:

Reading the OP I was thinking, “Yes! Exactly!”. But then I read the responses and I guess I am in the same quandary as the OP!

Joy…when you say you don’t do well, do you mean you do a mediocre job despite effort? You’re not the star that many are? You have multiple failures?

When you say unworthy of human relationships, do you mean you don’t get along with others, you have few really close friends, you have no friends, or you don’t want friends?

I don’t know if you are depressed or need therapy. It might be something to consider. Then why does your post ring so true with me? I am not depressed and never have been, despite a pretty tough life in some respects.

I think this feeling of not being like others in some unnameable way is quite important, and there is bound to be an answer. I am just not convinced its necessarily a pathological thing.

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