Hate & Anger.

A little while ago someone at work got me into trouble for something I hadn’t done and I had a terrible time with the disciplinary etc.

I have got to a point where I feel anger and hate towards this person although at work I am able to remain professional it is mainly at home especially when I am on my own that I get annoyed.

Now I am someone who goes over and over things in my head all the time, even if it is something nice that I am looking forward to I tend to think about all the details of it.

I don’t want to hate or maybe I don’t really hate the person more what they have done but I do get angry at home. When I am alone it tends to almost fully occupy my mind.

I do pray for my “enemies” but would like to just move on, I don’t mean them any harm and do not seek vengeance at all.

During confession a little while ago my priest said that being angry only affects me and not them as they cannot feel it.

So how do I move on from it? Being blamed for something I haven’t done is always the worst thing for me and the hardest to get past.

I do forgive 100% but how to let go?


Hi Nelka,

I’m sorry that that situation happened to you.

I would just say to keep praying about the situation, and to keep asking the Lord to work with you on it, and to ask Him to help heal you, in whatever way you need it.

That’s what I would do, and that’s what I do when I’ve been wronged.

God bless you, and may you find peace.

It seems you already know that its unhealthy for you to dwell on it, but obviously that’s easy to say but not easy to put into practice. You can try to distract yourself whenever you begin thinking about it. The “good answer” is prayer, but if you struggle with staying focused during prayer, maybe pick something that holds your attention, like a movie or music. It might just take time at this point.


Think about offering the situation at work up to God … as a sacrifice … this may help you get past the anger you are feeling.

God Bless

First, Scripture says that what is hidden will some day come to light. If you got in trouble and paid a hefty price for it and you are truly innocent of it, know that one day, those who came down hard on you will know you were innocent. It WILL come to light some day. Just not now.

Second, your priest is right about the anger… it will effect you and only you, and then those around you since how we are inside effects those around us. So its good to want to get rid of this, and yes, I know so well how difficult it is. It can even get to the point of turning into a deep depression.

Third, God can restore A N Y T H I N G. Got that? ANYTHING. God has the power to restore… now, that doesn’t mean he will restore in the way we want or maybe even think He will… if He does at all- its up to Him to decide what is right. But if we turn to Him and ask- if something was wrongfully taken away from us, have faith God has a plan for it. Remarkably, when someone hangs on to God and not the anger, sometimes God can use your wrongful hurt (if you keep very close in God in doing His Will) as a springboard for another’s lesson, conversion or transformation. Turns back and hits them like a boomerang. Maybe not even immediately, but you just never know- and its not for you to know either.

Haven't' you ever hurt someone, and then later been given grace and lamented?   How would you feel about this person if you were somehow able to see that happening in their soul over this?   Again, maybe not now, but later in their lives?  Is it worth you hurting yourself with your anger towards this affront now?  All that hurt... for nothing!   And it was more your fault for it then them!  We are only in control of what WE do.  Be humble and admit the fault, give it to God ask for forgiveness and T R U S T in God.   I know, that's easier said, but maybe we just make it harder than it is?  Would you not rather be happy and this in the past?  God will handle that person's problem.....

Forth, Jesus says “come to me all who are weary and burdened”… you are left with the burden of being falsely accused. So DO as He says! Do you trust in God’s Word? Is it real or is it namby pamby softie cute wishy washy feel good stuff? Let this be a real in your heart, in your knowing. What HE says IS. He will give you rest. Also ask yourself if what happened is worth loosing your soul over? Five years from now, will you be still as angry over it as you are now? (Sure, you might have a pang of hurt in remembering, but five years from now you’ll have new hurts and such) Don’t let it accumulate. Excrete that stuff now!

Another thing: Consider that you don’t know the value of this person’s soul. What they will do for God in their life. What if they ended up doing something for you that was such a blessing… later on… not now… Would you forgive them? Try and see the good in that person, try to see their humanity (that is, their fault, what led them to follow Satan) and have real pity for them, while knowing, with “fear and trepidation” that you too someday could maybe possibly be tempted (even unknowingly!) into a similar sin. Forgive. God will handle the rest. No one on this earth goes unpaid for their sins. If you saw hell, tasted hell, you would be so scared and sad to see even those you hate so much be condemned to it.

 So whenever that pang and itch to anger comes up...    think on these things.  God's Word is soothing balm.   So take God's Word's advice more so than mine here.   Read it.   Believe it.

OH and I also forgot- WHY are you angry about this? What are you WANTING in holding on to this anger? What is it exactly… examine that. Not questions to be answered here, but in private, for your benefit.

**Hi Nelka,

Perhaps it might help to look at this in a bit of a different way. When someone does us wrong, they take that sense of goodness away that humans need to have between one another. And when someone does us wrong, they have to deal with God, so it now becomes between THEM and God. Their wrong to us ( breaking God’s Commandment ) has taken you out of the picture, this is now between THEM and God. We know God is just and HE alone is the judge, jury and executioner, not us. You have to trust that God will make this person account for their wrong done to you, be it in this world or the next. We all have to account to God for our actions. You have to let this go, because it is not about you anymore, this is now between them and God.

Best wishes.**


It’s not a sin to feel something. Emotions like hate provide energy to deal with unjust situations and to increase our freedom.

Even resentment is not a sin in itself. It’s a sin only to freely choose not to forgive.

I think all we can do is feel, accept, and respect our emotions, and continue to forgive and pray to Mary and Jesus Christ.

It’s been my own personal experience that if I haven’t let go, I haven’t forgiven 100%. Until I can do that, I am still allowing someone else’s actions to have power over me.

Fortunately, I found a way to forgive that works amazingly well. I take the pain the other person has caused me and offer it up to God for the intent of his soul. Every time it hurts again (and sometimes it still does), I offer up that pain yet again.

When you think about it, this is what Jesus did for us on the cross. He offered up His pain to God for our sake.

Give it a try. Hope this type of forgiveness works for you too. :slight_smile:

What I have found is that the enemy (the world, the flesh, or the devil) will float those thoughts before me to get me to sin in my thoughts by *agreeing *to think the thoughts.

When a new thought comes along, it usually takes me a while to recognize it as an invitation to sin, but then I find that praying each time, for the other person, for help with the temptation, etc., generally works against that temptation continuing to show up.

Remember that as long as you are fighting the temptation, you have not sinned!

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.