Have I completely ruined my view of women due to sin?


#21

I go out to eat at restaurants with a few of my friends sometimes but I’ve never really been friends with any girls outside of class growing up so I think it’s tough for me to interact with them in a social setting.

And I’m an extrovert and I love public speaking lol


#22

If you’re so extroverted, make it a project to chat with X number of girls a day.


#23

I could but I feel like when I talk to girls I want to respect them and so I usually stay away from talking with them outside of class. I do have one female friend I text with regularly for the past 4 years but she goes to a different college


#24

There’s nothing disrespectful about talking to a girl out of class. There’s nothing disrespectful about being attracted to her and flirting with her/asking her out.

Respecting women does not mean you have to pretend you’re a eunuch. It just means you don’t reduce women to their parts and forget their humanity.


#25

If you want to meet a girl to marry,you need to be able to chat with many girls socially and respectfully. Start practicing now.


#26

This is a weird notion a lot of people have that’s always baffling to me. Like, if you notice an attractive feature of the opposite sex, it’s somehow disrespectful and degrading. That’s ridiculous. There’s nothing wrong with you noticing that some girl in class has a nice figure ( or a girl noticing that some guy has a nice broad chest or whatever.)

That’s perfectly normal and natural. Where it would cross the line is if you forgot she’s an actual human being and she became only a nice set of curves. Noticing and being attracted to a physical feature is fine provided you don’t lose sight of the whole.


#27

You are not permanently damaged, it’s just you have been use to objectifying women for so long it’s the first thing that came to your mind. Once you get some time not masturbating (less then a year does not count) then you will get better. Although I would not expect it to ever go away completely. That’s just life

The greatest thing is you know you are wrong and want to change.

No, you are not brain damaged, no you don’t need to go see a doctor. You should get better with time. In the mean time you fight your temptation. I lost the urge to masturbate years ago, now my only problem is the temptation to dwell on impure thoughts. But guess what? When you get better at dismissing those thoughts then the urge to do the other thing goes away. I’m not kidding …

Just admit you are dirty minded to yourself and God (He already knows) and cut yourself slack because more of us do then people think. You can’t shock God by anything you think. All you can do is ask for the grace to fight the urges and try to get better. The first thought is not a sin, it is what you decide to do with that thought that counts. You can either dwell on it or dismiss it. God bless.


#28

Yeah I agree with you. I think I’ve never really had much experiences with females in terms of friendship because of pornographic images and such. I tried to fight that for years by suppressing all sexual desires which meant not interacting with females. Over the pst several months I have changed that but now I am faced with all new temptations as I am communicating with females. Seems like most guys my age have zero problem with this yet I do


#29

In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.

Pope John Paul II

Your post reminded me of this quote.


#30

I hear that more and more, that for some reason kids in school, from primary school on, seem to not have friendships with those of the opposite gender. What a great loss this is, the lessons that are not learned in your childhood have to be left to adulthood :frowning:


#31

I cant place my finger on it but your use of “females” is making me cringe. They are not a separate mysterious group not to be understood but wonderful women who are daughters of God. The word female used in modern urban use can be derogatory. Honestly I have a wife and daughters who live in this world and the idea that they may have a conversation in academics or work about academics or work and the man has to go madturbate it out ito an image if them is not just simple lust, but denotes a larger problem that you. It shows a lack of ability to have any healthy relationships.


#32

I love that quote! I have it in a list of quotes I like


#33

Yes I agree, and I apologize if I have come across as being objectifying, very much isn’t my intention. I grew up having it drilled in that guys must respect females, no sex before marriage, no near-occasion of sins, no hanging out with girls alone… I think over time I inherited these and I took them to extremities. Skipped all proms and dances during HS because I thought they were temptations, never went to parties as I said because I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I may do something I will deeply regret later.

So I find it really puzzling how I went from being such a respectful guy to someone who clearly by my thoughts and temptations, am not respectful but rather objectifying. Really is quite sad as I grew up for years wanting to be a priest and was always really active in the church and pray alot now, not sure how I got so train-wrecked. But since I went to confession today, I got a whole clean slate, time to make some serious changes.

I do want to clarify: I had an urge and have had urges after these conversations. Does not mean I fell to these urges. But the fact that I have these urges I find really sickening and I want it to stop


#34

I do not think they really ever go away. Sorry. They do lessen though overtime. I had these urges go almost away for a long period then was hit with a tonne of bricks. Still recovering.
You gave me a thought…, if one does not respect themselves how much harder is it to respect another person.


#35

Sorry to hear of your plight. The others here have pointed out the best ways of dealing with this issue, good sound proven methods all around. Keep the other devotions you have going, they help you immensely.

I would recommend a spiritual advisor and … sacrifice. Our Lord loves those who are so determined to change, they will give up things for it. Recall that is what He did for us. St. Francis as well as other saints wore a hair coat. Blessed Brother Andre of Montreal also made sacrifices. If one loves soft drinks, then maybe that can be given up for advent. Sacrifice that involves charity to neighbor is the most effectual. That money for the next football game can be given to someone in need.

Sacrifice is so rare in these selfish days.

Another is, have an announced or unannounced mass intention said for yourself. Just indicate what you want printed on the bulletin, or say it’s for a living person “anonymous”. This way you have the combined prayers of the mass and the collected prayers of the congregation offered for your help.

Observance to the feast days of the saints will have them come to your aid, and Way of the Cross on Saturdays is a beautiful time to come one on one with your maker.

To know the enemy and his tricks and how he plays into our weaknesses and our psyche is helpful also:

Spiritual Theology Series - Demons (part 1) Fr. Ripperger

Don’t give up or get discouraged.

Pax et Bonum


#36

Hey man, at least you know that it was a wrong thing to think. I get what you’re saying, because the truth is, if it wasn’t for the fact that I used women for sex in the past, I would probably be married by now. Don’t think about her like that, most of my friends actually are female, so that’s something that I have that’s different than you. What helps me, to not think of women that way, is to remember that this is Someone’s Child, and would I want someone to think that about my child? I know it’s not much, but I hope you take my advice to heart.


#37

Are you sure rather than that you’re disrespectful towards women it’s your flesh that’s just muttering evil in your heart?

Look at St. Benedict (Idk if this is a true story or not)

One day, during his time living in a cave above a lake as a hermit, the Devil presented Benedict’s imagination with a beautiful, tempting woman. Benedict resisted by rolling his body into a thorn bush until it was covered in scrapes. It is said through these body wounds, he cured the wounds of his soul.


#38

There is no need, so maybe the thought should change to “I don’t need to but I merely want to”.


#39

Wow that was powerful response. I didn’t even realize I typed that wow


#40

Please google nofap and look into that movement.


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