Guys, I need to vent and open my heart. For this past year and a half, I was dealing with a very intense depression that made me feel really bad about myself as a person, made me lose sleep and even gave me suicidal thoughts. Thing is, I recently truly found out what was causing it: cyber bullying. I was always engaging in debates with militant atheists and I found myself becoming really depressed after each debate. At first, I thought it was my fault; I felt that I was a bad person and that there was no way either God and Mary could love someone like me. But then Mary gave me a bombshell and made me realize that I wasn’t the monster that I thought I was; in fact, I wasn’t a bad person at all and I got over this dangerous self loathing by believing and forgiving myself.
One thing that I thought made me depressed was the constant research I was doing on Church history, searching out even the smallest of details in order to be open minded. I would pull all-nighters just googling away and lost a lot of sleep because of that and now, I have insomnia. Whoopee. Aside from my health, it also made me sad how I knew so little about the dark stuff people in the Church committed. But I also learned a lot of good things about the Church at that time and how things like the Crusades and the Inquisition weren’t that bad and did a lot of good. Even after that, I felt depressed and this is why I made this thread: thinking about all of my loathsome experiences debating these kinds of people, I found a pattern with their arguments, a pattern the ‘bigger atheists’ they are fans of like Hitchens and Dawkins also share with them: they would always insult me, put me down and even outright lie when it came to doing research.
I already said in another thread how I put a stop to a debate with a woman who was always repeating the same nonsense stuff and was always insulting me, calling my religion disgusting and saying that I shouldn’t have kids. Because I matured considerably at that time, I told her to shove it, to leave me alone and blocked her. But I also had to experience a bully who would check my comments on you tube and reply to them in a disparaging manner (comments that had nothing to do with religion BTW; he would even reply to comments about my personal tastes in music and anime). I found that no matter what I told him, he wouldn’t listen so I reported him and you tube put a stop to his malicious activities. I even had to deal with some jerk who made a video ‘refuting me’ over some comments I made on one of his videos. After replying on it and telling him that I couldn’t care less for his opinions on me and that I didn’t even bother watching the video, he tried to make it sound as if I was the one at fault for even bothering to reply, implying that I was the one who was obsessed. It made me really angry frankly and I did insult him back but he continued on making me feel bad about myself and telling me that I ‘need to learn a lesson’. Those are his exact words BTW. I blocked him also so as to avoid anymore nutjobs.
I’m saying all this because these were things that really made me depressed and because I don’t want anyone else to suffer like I did. During those times, I tried hard to make myself think that these people were being objective and I was confused as to whether they had the right to treat me like that. They didn’t. At all. I’ve engaged in innocent and civil talks with atheists but those people were FAR from being civil. There is a huge diffirence between what you really are and what others pretend or want you to be. Don’t let anyone trample over you and avoid people who do not take you seriously.
I have a lot of anger inside me over how I was decieved into hating myself. After experiencing so much vitriol I still sometimes doubt how people will look at me or whether they will like me if they saw me in person and I still doubt how my approach to things is good. What do you guys think? If I had to say something more, it is to avoid at all costs in insulting your opponent or trying to make him feel bad about himself. There’s a diffirence between pointing out that fetuses are still human and abortion deprives them of that right to live, and a diffirence between calling someone evil.