I feel like I'm heading towards a total breakdown.
I'm 20 years old and a student nurse. I was "deferred" (neither failed nor passed) on my last module of study. This means I have another chance to pass it. The things I was failed on I think were unfair :( my new accessor thinks one of them was unfair, but shes not sure if she can pass me yet on the other one. :( This weekend I'll find out whether I pass or fail on my 2nd attempt, then I get another and if I fail that one... :(
Also, my mentor has highlighted some concerns regarding my learning ability. I have always found it difficult learning new things. I struggle to retain information sometimes. I've been asked to take a dyslexia test to see if I do have a real learning problem. This however is going to cost me £90 (not dollars, pounds). I'm also currently being tested for diabetes :( and I already have a condition called IBS.
I'm in debt this month. 2 weeks ago my cleaner looked me out of my own house, and it cost me £88 to get back into it again - and I only got £44 in compensation from the cleaning company. My parents gave me £100 to help but I spent all that and I don't know how, I just haven't been able to keep track of my spending this month. :(
I haven't told my parents yet that I might be dyslexic because they're so mad at me for spending all my money, plus the extra they gave me. Yet tomorrow I get paid, and hopefully should be able to afford the dyslexia test - but its more money! I'm so paranoid about spending and I really can't face telling my parents I might be dyslexic, and that it is going to cost me to find out if I am, and that if I don't take the dyslexia test my university will see that in a negative light (as if I'm not trying to help myself.)
If I don't have a learning problem, why am I struggling so much to retain new things? Might be because of stress, but I'm feeling so lost right now. Things are so bad that my university is offering me a Leave of Absense - basically 6 months off the course to get everything sorted out so I'm on track again. :( If I don't pass this weekend, that is what my university will try to push me to do. It means being in a different class, and qualifying as a nurse (if I make it that far) 6 months later than all my friends.
I really really feel alone and need help :( the only support I have is my boyfriend, who has been really good, but I don't want to burden him too much by talking about it all the time.
Notes: I have a job but haven't started earning with them yet (gotta hand in some paperwork and collect my uniform then I should be able to start ASAP). I have a gym membership - I enjoy going to the gym but don't go too often so its another waste of my money, and I also have a mobile phone contract which averages between £27-60 a month.