Having a Crisis, advice need - maybe some prayers too


#1

I feel like I'm heading towards a total breakdown.

I'm 20 years old and a student nurse. I was "deferred" (neither failed nor passed) on my last module of study. This means I have another chance to pass it. The things I was failed on I think were unfair :( my new accessor thinks one of them was unfair, but shes not sure if she can pass me yet on the other one. :( This weekend I'll find out whether I pass or fail on my 2nd attempt, then I get another and if I fail that one... :(

Also, my mentor has highlighted some concerns regarding my learning ability. I have always found it difficult learning new things. I struggle to retain information sometimes. I've been asked to take a dyslexia test to see if I do have a real learning problem. This however is going to cost me £90 (not dollars, pounds). I'm also currently being tested for diabetes :( and I already have a condition called IBS.

I'm in debt this month. 2 weeks ago my cleaner looked me out of my own house, and it cost me £88 to get back into it again - and I only got £44 in compensation from the cleaning company. My parents gave me £100 to help but I spent all that and I don't know how, I just haven't been able to keep track of my spending this month. :(

I haven't told my parents yet that I might be dyslexic because they're so mad at me for spending all my money, plus the extra they gave me. Yet tomorrow I get paid, and hopefully should be able to afford the dyslexia test - but its more money! I'm so paranoid about spending and I really can't face telling my parents I might be dyslexic, and that it is going to cost me to find out if I am, and that if I don't take the dyslexia test my university will see that in a negative light (as if I'm not trying to help myself.)

If I don't have a learning problem, why am I struggling so much to retain new things? Might be because of stress, but I'm feeling so lost right now. Things are so bad that my university is offering me a Leave of Absense - basically 6 months off the course to get everything sorted out so I'm on track again. :( If I don't pass this weekend, that is what my university will try to push me to do. It means being in a different class, and qualifying as a nurse (if I make it that far) 6 months later than all my friends.

I really really feel alone and need help :( the only support I have is my boyfriend, who has been really good, but I don't want to burden him too much by talking about it all the time.

Notes: I have a job but haven't started earning with them yet (gotta hand in some paperwork and collect my uniform then I should be able to start ASAP). I have a gym membership - I enjoy going to the gym but don't go too often so its another waste of my money, and I also have a mobile phone contract which averages between £27-60 a month.


#2

The best thing you can do is tell your parents and your boyfriend everything you’ve told us. Don’t carry your burdens alone–that’s what family and friends are for. It might help your parents understand the problems you have with money if they know what you’ve been going through. If they love you, which I’m sure they do, they’ll want to help you not judge you. Maybe you could explain all this to your boyfriend first and he could sit with you while you tell your parents–if that would help. Ask Our Lady for courage and don’t fret. I will pray for you this evening as one of my prayer intentions during Evening Prayer.


#3

Unless your parents are emotinally unstable, there isn't a good reason for not telling them. A dyslexia test may allow you the extra help to pass your classes. I am diagnosed ADD with ADHD tendencies. (Actually it's more like I'm an introvert with ADHD, but that's not an official diagnosis yet).

I am also dyslexic. Diagnosed at college, but b/c of the nature that I asked for a super-confidential test (insurance reasons) it's considred unofficial. Having a piece of paper would of been good because my current boss switched around my job duties and I'm unhappy becuse I can't do a good job with what I'm assigned (as opposed to what I was hired for). If I did have it, it would mean that I wouldn't be worrying about my job right about now.


#4

[quote="purplesunshine, post:3, topic:220023"]
Unless your parents are emotinally unstable, there isn't a good reason for not telling them. A dyslexia test may allow you the extra help to pass your classes. I am diagnosed ADD with ADHD tendencies. (Actually it's more like I'm an introvert with ADHD, but that's not an official diagnosis yet).

I am also dyslexic. Diagnosed at college, but b/c of the nature that I asked for a super-confidential test (insurance reasons) it's considred unofficial. Having a piece of paper would of been good because my current boss switched around my job duties and I'm unhappy becuse I can't do a good job with what I'm assigned (as opposed to what I was hired for). If I did have it, it would mean that I wouldn't be worrying about my job right about now.

[/quote]

I would maybe describe my mom as emotionally unstable. Whenever I go home to visit she shouts at me until I cry, while my dad tells her to stop being nasty (but my mum doesn't listen to my dad, and my dad won't stand up to my mum). My mum made my life a living hell when I was at home. She kicked me out for 3 days after I boiled a kettle after 10pm, because she was in bed and heard me... I didn't wake her up, but she heard me and could have been woken up by the kettle. She even shouts at me in front of my long-term boyfriend when he visits my parents with me.

My mum is in her mid-late 40s and already uses a walking stick to go outside because she's scared of falling. She only leaves the house maybe once a month.

Still love my mum though :( but I'm on eggshells with her, all the time.


#5

[quote="LemonAndLime, post:4, topic:220023"]
I would maybe describe my mom as emotionally unstable. Whenever I go home to visit she shouts at me until I cry, while my dad tells her to stop being nasty (but my mum doesn't listen to my dad, and my dad won't stand up to my mum). My mum made my life a living hell when I was at home. She kicked me out for 3 days after I boiled a kettle after 10pm, because she was in bed and heard me... I didn't wake her up, but she heard me and could have been woken up by the kettle. She even shouts at me in front of my long-term boyfriend when he visits my parents with me.

My mum is in her mid-late 40s and already uses a walking stick to go outside because she's scared of falling. She only leaves the house maybe once a month.

Still love my mum though :( but I'm on eggshells with her, all the time.

[/quote]

I hesitate to recommend counseling, but I think you could use some help with the relationship between you and your mother, setting boundaries and the like. Would you be able to do that under NHS?

And wouldn't NHS cover your dyslexia testing? I guess your university doesn't have that, maybe in the psych department where the students are learning about this stuff?


#6

[quote="St_Francis, post:5, topic:220023"]
I hesitate to recommend counseling, but I think you could use some help with the relationship between you and your mother, setting boundaries and the like. Would you be able to do that under NHS?

And wouldn't NHS cover your dyslexia testing? I guess your university doesn't have that, maybe in the psych department where the students are learning about this stuff?

[/quote]

I can get counselling yes, but I live away from my parents.

The university is already paying £310 of it, I'm paying the other £90.

I really really feel lost :( I am really unsure about what to do.


#7

Dyslexia isn't a thing to be ashamed of and it isn't your fault. I think you're amazing to cope with all you do. Dyslexia tends to be a genetic thing certainly something you had no control over. But the kind of tension you lived with at home with your mother certainly doesn't contribute to easy learning. It amounts to emotional abuse which can be paralyzing. Stress alone can undermine our capacity to function even at our potential best. Reading your thread I have developed only admiration for you. I find myself dabbing away tears as I respond to you.

I knew a student nurse who was dyslexic. Only with the help of her fellow students did she get through. I remember a year...she had been put back into the same class as me, but our teacher came to me to ask me to tell my older sister not to sit for the exams as she would surely fail. Well, she didn't, and she did complete her nursing qualifications, and nursing was her lifelong career. I'll ask my sister to pray for you.

Her reading was terrible, her spelling atrocious, she gradually improved. She wrote this prayer a few years ago.

Oh Jesus, come more deeply into my life,
Constantly strengthen my trust and faith.
Pour out your graces abundantly in me.
I hunger for your great love and peace,
And need you more and more each day.

Wipe away the tears of frustration,
Help me not to be too disappointed
When things don’t go as they should.
Shield me from the force of storms,
Don’t let me be so shaken by them.

Help me to hide my pain from others,
And to be strength to others I meet.
Show me how to pray more earnestly.
Teach me silent humble ways of speaking.
Let your teachings show in my actions.

May my life be a prayer for you?
Let your light shine out from me.
Thank you for all your help already.
Thank you for the peace you are,
And for the many joys you give to me.

I just emailed my sister and asked her to pray for you. She's a brave person like yourself, and has known what it is like in her life to feel everything is breaking down. She got through, and she's amazing.


#8

LL, i remember reading posts by you about your mother being unstable and sometimes abusive and about your younger sister still at home. at that time, i think i remember you posted about having some learning difficulties? or some emotional problems due to your chaotic upbringing?

yes, i think i remember it correctly.

so, if you were sitting here with me and we were having a cup of coffee together and you told me all the details of your current trials, i would say this:

lemonlime, i believe you want to be the best nurse possible. you know people's wellbeing will be your responsibility and you really WANT to be the best, most capable, most responsible you can be.

because of that, you would never rush a procedure except if it was an emergency. at all other times, you will take your time, think things through, give the best care and as much time as you need to do it right.

so your schooling should be the same way. there''s no rush. wanting to keep up with your friends-- whether because of lonliness or competition-- is not a good reason to rush your entirely important training. so, if the school recommends you take a leave, and if the school recommends you take an assessment test, then why not do it?

in the leave time, your school can help you learn techniques to work around dyslexia AND you can earn a little money-- giving you a cushion to help you with your return semester.

finally, as for hyper spending goes, sometimes bad money management is a symptom of learning disabilities (ADD ADHD) and or emotional difficulties, as you've mentioned you suffer from. ask the counselor for help with this.

look lemonlime, it appears you've had a pretty tough road. give yourself a break. take your time. your mom may not like it but if i remember correctly, she doesnt like anything you do. there will be nothing new going on here.

i'm concerned though, about the time you spend at home between semesters. from your past descriptions, your mom can be very destructive. please ask your univ. for help finding hostel housing. or maybe a religious order can take you in for a while. (i'm really not kidding here.) ask the **student parish **for help. or the church nearby the univ.

the help you need will probably be provided through a nearly miraculous source. something you havent considered.

but ask God. He loves you. He will provide for you. rest in His love for you.

He says, "Be STILL and KNOW that I am GOD."

you pray. you do the footwork. leave the answers to HIM.


#9

HI LemonandLime I dont really have advice for you but just want you to know I care and I am sorry that you are not able to approcah your parents.If you were my daughter I would be paying to have the dyslexia test done for you! Once you have the diagnosis (if you are found to be dyslexic) then I presume the University would be able to offer you support ie a teaching assistant to support you in lessons and have extra time & a scribe on tests?

In any case my heart goes out to you.Even if you are not dyslexic you sound like you could be stressed.It is hard to retain information when you feel this way.God bless you in your decision making.I will pray that you get through this difficult time in your life and that you are able to complete your nursing course and that your financial situation becomes stable.Why not start a Prayer thread in Prayer Intentions forum?

God bless x


#10

Thank you everyone for your words of comfort and advice, I have read them all and I genuinely feel better for it - especially concerning the offers of prayer, I especially enjoyed reading that prayer by the nurse.

I had my dyslexia test today and I won't find out my results for a week :( my diabetes test hasn't come back yet either so now have to wait until Monday for that.

I'm going to ring my mum about it when I have my results from the dyslexia test, I think that if its negative then she doesn't have to know I took it, and if its positive then I can cross that bridge when it comes to it.

As for financial worries, I got paid today, hopefully will manage my money better this month. And I won't know until tomorrow if I've passed the things I was deferred on :( will find out tomorrow if I should take leave of absense or not, very nervous.

Good idea about starting a prayer intention thread, I will get around to it soon.

I'm sorry that my reply is so short, I'm exhausted after today. I really want to thank everyone who responded many times over and I will update this thread as (hopefully) my issues resolve themselves. I feel that things are at least making progress but I still feel that I'm at my lowest point.

God bless.


#11

You've got a lot on your plate at your young age, no doubt about that. Still, at age 20 everything seems more disastrous than it often is (at age 62, as well, trust me :wink:), but things will work out, you'll see. God takes us through these dark valleys to strengthen our faith and mold us into better people. Life is full of trials of one sort or another, but it's also full of many, many joys. I will continue to pray along with you. Do let us know how things go with the various tests (health and nursing classes) when you can. But, go easy on yourself and try not to worry. God has a plan for your life. It's hard to see that when we're going through the harder parts of life, but they are a part of his plan just as much as the happy things, so be at peace, dear sister in Christ.


#12

Hi LemonLine!

Just wanted to echo what everyone has pretty much said on here already.

A) - Give yourself a break! You've come a long way and give yourself CREDIT for all that you've achieved so far. :)

B) It sounds to me like you're just really stressed (no wonder why! You have a lot to handle right now) so that's what your studies aren't being absorbed as well as you feel they could be...this happens to me when I'm stressed too so I know what it's like. Don't sweat it. You're just under a lot of pressure right now so when you're relaxed again it will sink it.

C) Your mother sounds like she has some issues...try to remember that. If she's making you feel horrible about yourself or putting you down, don't listen to her (because it's NOT true what she's saying) and maybe try to limit contact. It's not healthy to have someone railing at you all the time.

D) Having someone to talk to is always helpful so it may be worthwhile to consider seeing a counselor. :) This isn't medical advice btw...just an idea.

E) Remember you're young! I know, I know...at 20 you feel like you should have this or that accomplished so far...but life always throws us curve-balls....but being able to roll with the punches is what makes a person adept at handling life as things never go according to plan...not for any of us! :) So give yourself a break perhaps...a little rest...time to recoup...and then get back into the swing of things when you feel ready. You have tiiiime. Things will work out. And it's OK if it doesn't always follow the rigid path we have laid-out for ourselves.

Remember! "Things will always be ok in the end, and if they aren't ok, it's because it isn't the end." :)


closed #13

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