Having a stupid crisis!


#1

Like the title says–it is stupid but real nonetheless.

OK-so it is the second day of high school for my daughter and she went to a pasta party for the field hockey team at a teammates house. When I went to pick her up I WAS IN AWE OF THE HOUSES!!:eek: They were mansions really. I immediately felt a little uncomfortable. Im not sure why–although I think I may felt inadequate somehow because my house is not a mansion.:o I have never really felt this before. Maybe because I was meeting mom’s I had never met before and the house just intimidated me.:rolleyes: Like I said stupid.

The 3 moms I met were very nice. The girls were nice. It turns out I went to high school with one and worked in the same school as the other.Go figure:shrug:

Then I made a comment(which I think is bugging me the most:o ) I said to the other 2 moms how gorgeous I thought the house was but I just dont get how people can afford these type of houses----dead silence:eek: :blush: I thought I shouldnt have said that. I should have kept my comments to myself.

I think what I want to do is to apologize to the 2 moms at the game today. I felt really stupid and judgemental and that is not me.:frowning:

What do you guys think I should do?Has anyone ever had the same feelings?

Thanks


#2

I would give a small apology when you see them, it won’t hurt anything.
Personally, I don’t see how people afford those mansions anyway. We live in a small house but in a nice area, and have three children living with us still (they are all over 18). I don’t understand living with a gigantic mortgage. That’s probably why there was a lot of silence when you said what you did. They’re probably jealous of you for not having a huge mortgage!:smiley:
Don’t worry - what you said is not that big of a deal.


#3

AHH maybe–never thought of that!! My mortgage is small too:thumbsup: Of course the taxes cause it to go up.:frowning:


#4

And your house is quicker and easier to clean, too! :thumbsup: I wouldn’t want a house with more than two or three bathrooms at the most! Cleaning 4-5 toilets and tubs just isn’t my idea of convenience! :smiley:

I think a little apology today at the game definitely couldn’t go amiss. Good luck!


#5

I have put my foot in my mouth more times than I can count – I think my mouth has stretched to accommodate a size 10W. :o In most cases, I just let it go unless the topic comes up again. Then I might say something along the lines of, “Last time we talked about this, I said something which might have come out wrong, and if I offended you, I’m sorry.” Many times, the conversation has already been forgotten, and more than once, the person hadn’t even heard the original comment because they were thinking about something else rather than listening to our conversation! So don’t beat yourself up over this. Consider yourself blessed to be happy living within your means and not burdening yourself with debt in order to keep up with the others. :thumbsup:


#6

I recently went to visit someone my mom knows. They are a young family in their mid 30’s with two small children. He owns a petroleum supply company and they have so much money it made me ill to be in the home. The house is close to 5,000 sqft - and that does not included the entire upper floor that is an entirely separate residence, or could be, with a theater room, pool room, three bedrooms, two full baths, full kitchen, full laundry. In the garage was a Mercedes and a Maserati, and a huge Honda SUV. The crystal light fixture in the dining room was almost as big as the table. I tell you the truth, I saw it all with my own eyes. Millions of dollars have gone into this home to make it what it is.

Yes - it was absolutely stunning and beautiful. But the whole time I was on the “tour” all I could think was that it was the most excessive display of wealth I have ever seen. It was beyond normal, and in the neighborhood where they live, certainly out of place.

I totally understand how you could have slipped and said something - I had to bite my tongue the entire time I was walking around this house - for four people, which could have housed an entire small village.

In the end I think it was really sad actually. There really wasn’t a single thing in that house that you could really look at fondly and think, “yeah, I remember buying that with my first pay check.” or, “We really had to save for that piece of art work, but I’m so glad we did, it was worth it.”. Everything was just picked up on a whim and a credit card.

I’m sorry, but I really prefer my life and my little bungalow. We may not have much, but every single stick of everything in my home has a story and a sentiment to it, not to mention a discount price tag. And I like that way. :smiley:

Don’t worry too much - make an apology to the women and don’t make too much of it. For all you know you said what they were thinking!!

~Liza


#7

I would give you the opposite advice. Ignore what you said, your comment probably had a greater impact on you than it did on them, and there is no point reminding them of it.
If you apologize, I’m curious how to do it without getting yourself in deeper.
What, exactly, do you think you should/would say. I don’t think you actually said anything insulting, they probably just didn’t have an answer. Which begs the question, “what should they have said in response?” (“Well, we’ve been blessed” would’ve been a good response from them)


#8

I agree. Foot in Mouth disease does not need to be a repeated event!

Brenda V.


#9

I would apologize, saying something like, “I am so sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Family finances are a very private topic.” The thing is, they may think you think THEY are arrogant or elitest because of what you said. I think ignoring it is not the right course of action, because I think you really may have offended them, or perhaps they were just shocked that you would bring up that topic, or with the way you said it. Honestly, the way you said it could have sounded very rude to them, though I am sure you didn’t mean it that way.

You should have stopped at how nice the houses were. :o But, I know just how you feel. When I have taken my daughter to friends’ houses or birthday parties, I just gasp at the houses. I have joked with my daughter that I think most of the kids in her school and their families have WAY more money than we do! But I did that in private with her…

And you know, one little girl that she would play with a lot that had a huge, nice house, was a lonely little soul that was constantly begging for my daughter to come over, and she made up stories about being one of 10 siblings. Her parents were almost NEVER home, though her grandma was there to watch her after school or I would never have left my daughter there. This girl had a huge, gorgeous house, every toy money could buy, a pool, etc., but what she really wanted was PEOPLE to pay attention to her. I know that is not true of every family with money, but when that jealous lion in your head starts to roar, just remember what some people sacrifice in order to have those mansions. As my DH recently said, “I would rather live in a two-bedroom house and be happy…” Mind you, we have four children and expecting the fifth any day, so that is a heck of a statement.


#10

Hi All,

You guys made me giggle with your responses. I too love my home and the fact that I dont have a huge house to clean.:thumbsup:

I am probably right in the middle as far as houses go in my town. Our range is from apartments to THIS HOUSE!

I spoke with 2 friends and they told me not to say anything because like a few of you said they probably thought nothing of it and why bring it up and dig myself any deeper.:eek:

I too have stuck my foot in my mouth soooo many times that a tractor trailor could probably fit:o This is an area the Lord is working on with me:thumbsup:

What does the bible say, something like the more you talk the more opportunity for sin(paraphrasing):frowning:


#11

I would probably start off by saying" I said something last night that I felt was wrong and Id like to apologize to you for it." and then tell them.:shrug:

Im thinking I should just forget it and see what happens today and how they receive me. My one friend said that if it is ever brought up again I could apologize then.:smiley:


#12

Yes that is sad. You know I grew up in a similar type of house and all I wanted was attention as well. My mom did her best but my family was so unhappy. My hubby grew up in a shack with 6 kids and they are reasonably close(although they have their issues as well):frowning:
That is why Im happy with my house and DH is home at 4pm everyday:thumbsup: I get to stay at home and be home when my kids get here. I also get to go to all the kids sport games. That is definitely more important then a monsterous house(unless of course you can do all of what I said and still afford it:p )

Your last comment about what they may have to give up----my sister said the same thing.

Thank you:D


#13

LOL AMEN SISTER!!!


#14

I said to the other 2 moms how gorgeous I thought the house was but I just dont get how people can afford these type of houses—-dead silence:eek: :blush: I thought I shouldnt have said that. I should have kept my comments to myself.

OUCH! I don’t know that an apology is exactly in order. You just embarrassed yourself, not them, by the statement.

Perhaps not mentioning it at all would be best. Let it disappear into hoped-for oblivion?

Now write in your diary 50 times: I will never mention the cost of anything in polite conversation.

Everybody does blushworthy things like this from time to time. Fuggedaboudit!


#15

YES I should write it over and over again:D


#16

:rotfl:

That probably exactly what I would have said. And I would feel just as stupid. Personally, think you are probably okay.

The next time you see these ladies, rather than apologize, perhaps you can casually confess to occasionally putting your foot in your mouth without mentioning this little gaff. If it was important to them, they will remember and appreciate your admission. If it was not important, they have already forgotten.


#17

:thumbsup: AMEN! I don’t think you actually insulted anyone more than yourself.

As for the huge homes and supposed excessive displays…
**I don’t care about the size of the house or anything in it. Teeny or mansion makes no difference to me as long as there’s a coffee pot and conversation and a place to set the littles - I’m a happy woman.:shrug: **


ug. confession time.
I do sometimes think, "Wow. Glad I don’t have to clean that!"
and
**It’s very possible these women never give money much thought and were simply thrown off by your remark. Not insulted, just at a loss. Just let it go and be extra sweet. Maybe bring homemade chocloate somethings next time you get the chance. Chocolate crosses all classes in my experience.:wink: **


#18

Now there’s an idea that makes SENSE.


#19

Personally, I would just let it go and forget you even said it. Hopefully they didn’t notice the comment? As you may or may not become closer friends, they will learn more about you and simply forget it. Otherwise they have a problem :slight_smile:

I say stupid things ALL the time too and when people are overly sensitive about it, I figure they just don’t know me and how blunt I can be. Not that you intended to be blunt.


#20

I definitely agree with everyone that has said that a small apology would be nice.

Interesting thing, I dated a CPA for a while. He’s been doing people’s taxes here in Little Rock for a long time. He lives in a really expensive part of town - his home is really nice but there are a lot of homes around him that are absolutely beautiful. Driving around one night looking at Christmas lights I said to him, “Gosh, how on earth can people afford these homes?” He laughed and said that he does a lot of their taxes and that most of them are one paycheck away from bankruptcy. Kind of interesting I thought.


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