*Having children* for selfish reasons... a different perspective


#1

Hello everyone. :slight_smile:

LokisMom is at it again.

I have a confession to make. I WANT children for selfish reasons, and I was wondering if that was the same level of morally wrong as NOT wanting children for selfish reasons.
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Here’s the scoop. Im in my late twenties, married, and have no children yet. In the last couple of months, my hub and I have established some stability in our life. He started getting paid decent money and we will be buying house. Thus, for the past few months, we have stopped using NFP to avoid, and are just not using anything right now. Not trying to avoid or to have. Just letting God do what he does best.

But the thing is, I really really don’t like children. I have 0 interest in doing mom chores. I worry about what pregnancy will do to my body. I dread the prospect of having to give up so much of my time/life/freedom to take care of kids. I don’t like it at all.

However, I don’t want to be one of those old folks in nursing homes who no one ever comes to visit. I actually dont want to be in a nursing home at all! And the fact that women tend to outlive their husbands, makes me dread the loneliness of old age even more!

Basically, the ONLY motivation for me having children is so I don’t have a miserable lonely life when I am old, and so they can take care of me in old age.

Since my reasons for having children are selfish, would the morally correct thing for me to do be to avoid? Is having children for selfish reasons the same sin as avoiding them for selfish reasons?


#2

Having children, as a married couple, is a moral good. You don’t need a good reason - selfish or unselfish, to have children. It’s not the same as avoiding a pregnancy. It’s morally wrong to avoid having a child without an unselfish reason.

An analogy might be giving to charity. Is it morally wrong to give to charity if you are doing it for the tax deduction? Of course not. It’s still a good thing even if your motives are not pure.

If you have every intent to welcome and love your children, no other motive matters.


#3

Cool, thanks so much!!


#4

Loki’sMom, I can relate! I don’t have kids, and I don’t want to end up old and alone in a nursing home either. I’m even thinking about fostering/adopting older kids. But I’ll tell you the truth. Darn near all those people alone in nursing homes have children. Having kids is no guarantee you won’t be alone at some point. You have to put yourself in God’s hands.

As for not liking kids, when you have your own, you’ll change your mind. Of course you’ll have to sacrifice, but it will be worth it in the long run if you raise them right.


#5

Thank you so much for the encouraging words about changing my mind! :slight_smile:

My dislike of children is something that really bothers/scares me, and I wonder if I’ll be able to be a good enough mom that they deserve.

I know it is no guarantee that they will take care of me or be with me in old age… but I’d like to think they would. I absolutely plan on taking my parents in when they are too old, so I cannot imagine my own child not doing the same for me. But you are correct that it is in God’s hands.

Im glad Im not the only person who feels this way! Thanks so much!


#6

I know a very good, decent, responsible middle-aged couple (I don’t know what religion they are, if any) that have two very good sons that both went through Annapolis Naval Academy, and are good men, good sons, are married, etc. So this couple would be the last I would think would be worried about growing old and alone. They have two good sons that I’m sure would take care of them. But this couple told me that they have actually planned how they are going to kill themselves by carbon monoxide poisoning if they grow old and feeble. I couldn’t believe it. They have these two really good sons, and yet they still have a morbid fear of being old, sick and alone. These feelings are way more common than anyone lets on, and as far as I am concerned, is a perfectly good motive for having kids, selfish or not! :slight_smile:


#7

Oh my gosh! :eek:

That is super depressing… :frowning:


#8

I don’t think that having children so you won’t be alone is a bad reason. Given the amount of sacrifice involved in raising children, I don’t think it can constitute being selfish when it’s all said and done anyway. There may be some selfish reasons for becoming pregnant (ie. wanting the attention your sister got when she had one or trying to get a man to marry you) but once you’ve spent a lifetime loving and caring for a child, that kinda makes up for it, in my opinion.


#9

Who, then, is Loki? :wink:

Anyway, there were certain child-raising tasks I was very worried about, but with my own children, it was no problem. Altho it was still a bit of a problem with other people’s children!


#10

He’s my precious little kitty!!! :love::heart:

Thanks for the encouraging words!


#11

Thanks!!


#12

My wife had our first nine months ago. Definitely worth it and not as big of an adjustment as people often suggest.


#13

Gee…people definitely in this case have a grave fear of such things. I hope it never becomes necessary in their mind.
Mary.


#14

Awwwwa, kitties! (we love cats around here :))

Thanks for the encouraging words!

We moms and moms-to-be gotta stick together! My children tease me because I always encourage people (married people, of course!) to have children. I do try not to be obnoxious about it …


#15

I LOVE animals.

We moms and moms to be?? St Francis, I thought you were a HE! Lol. Pleasantly surprised to see you’re a woman. You’re one of my more favorite posters around here.


#16

Excellent post!


#17

As long as you are a good actress - if you don’t like kids’ messes, noise, and all, try not to let it show too much. :wink: And don’t remind them how many hours of labor you were in with each one. LOL :stuck_out_tongue:


#18

Yeah… that happens a lot! My first choice of screen names was taken so i chose one very quickly and without thinking it all the way through :oops:

Pleasantly surprised to see you’re a woman. You’re one of my more favorite posters around here.

Awww, thank you… I have been impressed by your humility and sincerity in your desire to learn.


#19

Am I the only one that finds this disturbing and disrespectful to the potential children?

I mean, here is a person who wants to create a new human being just so she can use them for her own purposes. So she can extract some value from them.

How is this different from slavery?

That doesn’t bother anyone else?

I think its a worse sin, because when you avoid having children you wrong yourself and God, but in your case, you’re wronging yourself, God, AND the poor Child.


#20

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