Thanks to you all for your feedback ! It’s really interesting to have a look at your experiences. As for our TTC discernment, it’s going its own way, we’ll see where this leads us, but anyway, even if we didn’t decide on TTC right away, there’s no way we would wait till we’re 30 to get at it.
[quote="Em_in_FL, post:2, topic:194902"]
I was married at age 22, and had our first child at age 24 (day after our 2nd anniversary)... and even at my "young and spry" age - it's tough, I'm not gonna lie... but my DH (despite his "advanced age") was really the one that PUSHED me out of my exhaustion to get out and still LIVE regardless of the fact that we're toting a pile of kids along!
So that that extent... no, I don't think age makes a huge difference (since my "older" husband was the one pushing us to GET OUT and still LIVE)... but simply, pure motivation.
Frankly, you just have to DO it! Sometimes it gets complicated and challenging to go on vacation and travel and see the historical sites and museums with a busy brood... but it's certainly not impossible! You just have to have the motivation! :)
It sounds to me like your husband is a lot like mine... who loves to get out and travel and see the world... so, as long as he maintains that proactive motivation into parenthood - it'll work out just fine!
Certainly don't let that be something that will hold you back from having children! After a while, it gets kind of lonely doing all that traveling and such with just 2! ;)
Yes, Em, thanks for your feedback, indeed it seems like both our husbands are quite alike. And indeed motivation is a key factor here, so I did my best to reassure him I was motivated and we would manage.
And I’m sooo with you on the “After a while, it gets kind of lonely doing all that traveling and such with just 2” thing, that’s exactly what hit me after we went back from Compostela: I feel we have had our share of “just the 2 of us doing stuff everyday”, and that it would be great to mix a third party (and then a fourth, a fifth,…) into it. DH still feels perfectly ok with the “just the 2 of us” thing, and didn’t expect me to suddenly feel differently about it, so… let’s see if he comes around.
[quote="puzzleannie, post:3, topic:194902"]
let me introduce you to the fascinating world of babysitters. how many parents do you know, actually? surely all of them cannot be tied at home 24/7 and utterly devoid of any cultural life and have not ceased conjugal relations entirely.
I’m totally with you on that !!! I know some people can’t separate from their children, but I / We already agree that we won’t refrain from using babysitters. I don’t have any problem with that since I was one, yearlong, myself.
But well, babysitters can only do so much: there are no use if we want to go travelling around, and I would much rather just take the baby with us for our routine Sunday-afternoon 2 hours in the Louvre.
[quote="MamaJewel, post:9, topic:194902"]
Culture is important to us too. While we go out as a couple, we also enjoy taking the children to age appropriate events at the theater, museum, etc So we get our fill there.
Like with anything in life, there has to be balance. If we are creative as parents, we have a lot of fun. Children don't have to be a prison sentence.
Yeah, I’m totally with you on that. DH definitely wants to share culture with our kids, too ! And I’m in the process of persuading him having the first one now won’t be a prison sentence.
[quote="smallcat, post:10, topic:194902"]
Reliable babysitters, grandparents, mother's helpers- all are key. I've had kids in my mid-twenties through the present (pushing 40) and can honestly say I don't have any less energy now than I did then. If anything, I'm more laid back and flexible about things because I don't fret about all the details like I did when I was a new mom. For example, I used to really stress about the baby having a bad night of sleep: is this the start of a pattern? will she do it every night? is it because we spent too long at the park this afternoon? what will her naps be like now? what if I get pregnant soon and she's still waking up every hour and I'm so exhausted I go into preterm labor? Now I realize everything's mutable, life is short, and I'm more likely to roll with it.
Yes, you’re right. Babysitters, definitely. Grandparents, probably less in our everyday life since they’re living several hours away from us (and we don’t plan on moving nearer to them. I stick by my mother’s motto : “the best for a healthy relationship with in-laws are 500 km between you and them”). I have no idea what we can expect from DH’s parents (his mother was not very maternal to her own kids, so no idea whether or not she will be happy to look after her grandchildren), but my mother has already stated she would enable my siblings and I to endow them with our children one whole week every year so that we’d be able to simply get away (as I’ve got 6 siblings, this means that ultimately my parents will have 7 full weeks of taking care of little children a year)
As to the laid back issue, well, of course I know this may very well change once I will be confronted to the situation for real, but I think I won’t be the anxious-type of mother. I’m not anxious at all in my everyday life, and I’ve got sufficient experience as a babysitter with children of all ages at the same time (used to care for a family of 7 in my last high school / first university year).